A Stagno

Let the Bodies Hit the Floor

2010-02-26T10:43:00.000-08:00

Whoever did this is a genius. It is funny & scary at the same time. I especially love the parts where Hinn is whipping people with his coat.

(Courtesy of Jesus or Squirrel.)

Kids' Quotes

2010-02-26T07:06:00.001-08:00

The kids say funny things. They make me laugh.

Solomon

"Sawman" = Solomon
"Snag-o" = Stagno
"Incrappables" = The Incredibles
"Chucky Barns" = Lucky Charms
He used to call purple "Ravens," but he doesn't do that anymore. This morning I asked him what his favorite color was & he said, "Purple! Just like the Ravens!!"
Upon seeing a tampon for the first time, he said, "Mommy, that's for your butt!" How could he even know it's for that region when he's never seen one before?? Now he says, "That's for your 'gina!" But he's never seen me use one. Just so everyone knows. Not once. That would be a little sick.
"'gina" = vagina
One time I took a pregnancy test. I used one of the kids' little plastic cups & Solomon saw it on the counter & said, "I want some!" Then later, I guess he overheard me say it was pee in the cup & told me, "Mom, cups are not for pee."
One day we were driving to the Dena for the weekend (1 1/2 hour drive) & he had to pee during the trip. We pulled over immediately & encouraged him to pee in the grass. He got really upset & refused, saying, "No! Only dogs pee in the grass!"
When he wants something, he says his sentence a little backwards, Yoda-style, "Watch Dora, want to!" or "Have fruit snack, want to!" This is weird, because he says his other sentences correctly.
Apparently the "Mountain Song" (Mighty to Save) belongs to Solomon, because when we're listening to it, & I'm singing along, he shouts, "Stop singing! This is MY song! I'm not sharing!"
One night Jason & Solomon were both gassy & Solomon said, "Our butts are talking to each other!"

Charlotte (She doesn't say too much yet.)

"Dodo" (as in dodo bird, not doo-doo) = Dora
"Bellybuttubuttu" = Bellybutton
"Shu-shus" = Shoes
"Oh-ch" = Ouch
"Doh!" = No (she goes back & forth between saying "doh" & "no.")
"Num-a-num-a-num-a!" = I want food. Feed me.

My Santa Dilemma Revisted (& Resolved)

2009-12-20T06:31:00.000-08:00

A year ago I wrote about our predicament in trying to figure out whether or not Jason & I will allow our kids to believe in Santa. We have come to the conclusion that we would rather our children not believe Santa is real.

My original reasons for this decision have remained the same. Sadly, Santa equates gifts, which often takes the focus off of Christ. We will DEFINITELY teach our kids about St. Nicholas, the real person, & explain that the Santa today is a representation of him; the spirit of Christmas, a symbol of hope (as Charles said), & a wonderful example of what it looks like to love as Christ loves us. I think my kids will still get excited about Santa & I plan to still do some fun things, such as taking them to sit on Santa's lap (didn't get around to that this year, unfortunately) & sing Santa songs throughout the season.

Last year I emailed our pastor at the time, Mike, for his opinion & asked how he handled it with his own family. Here is his response:

"We talk about Santa as a real person (St. Nicholas), but make it very clear that mommy and daddy give presents (and they give presents) to celebrate the birth of Jesus. We do the 12 days of Christmas (leading up to Christmas day) where we read the Christmas story (or act it out) and then open one present. We also don't do the 'naughty or nice' thing with our kids - we give presents b/c Jesus gave us the best present ever..."

I already had my mind made up regarding the Santa issue prior to his response, but his words did help solidify my stance.

This has been a (albeit silly) difficult decision for me. One that I have not taken lightly. And, honestly, I've felt really attacked recently by loved ones for my decision. As if we parents aren't critical enough of our own parenting, others put in their 2 cents, causing us to further doubt ourselves as parents. I've been accused of being a Santa-hater, a grinch & a joy thief. I was even "awarded" by my brother via his blog for being a cynic (interestingly, if you read his comment on my post from last year about the issue, he was very kind & sympathetic -- not so much this year). My bro says he was joking, & I believe him, but it is very hard to pick up on sarcasm in text sometimes. I have never once told anyone that they were wrong for their decision to allow their kids to believe in Santa, nor have I tried to win them over to my side. I merely answered the "whys" people tossed my way. In fact, I don't think those who choose for their kids to believe in Santa are wrong at all. They're doing what they can to make their kids' Christmases as amazing & memorable as possible & that is wonderful. I don't think anyone is wrong for how they handle Santa (unless he ends up overshadowing Jesus); it's a "to each his own" kinda thing, in my opinion. So it really hurts me when I'm not given the same understanding & respect. My kids are just that: MY kids. I AM their steward who will have to answer to God someday when he judges my earthly work. This decision & the reasons behind it are simply mine & I never intended for anyone to feel that I was pushing my opinions on them. I love you all & pray you have a Merry Christmas. :)

I'm Kind of a Jerkface

2009-12-17T18:59:00.000-08:00

A couple times today I snapped at Jason, unnecessarily. This morning I was frustrated because I was trying to get the kids ready to go to the "docker" to get "shops" (that's Solomon-ese for "doctor" & "shots") & Jason wasn't helping me at all. Nevermind that he felt like poo -- "I don't care if you're DYING, help me!!" I didn't really say that, but that's how I was acting.

Then he came home from a long day at work & only enough time to eat dinner before having to leave again for band practice for church. Plus, he was still feeling like poo. I again barked at him about things.

I too often talk disrespectfully to my husband, & that is the complete opposite of how God has instructed me to treat him. I am not as loving toward him as I should be. I'm thankful I serve a forgiving God & am married to a forgiving man.

Gender Roles

2009-11-20T06:27:00.000-08:00

For the past couple of weeks I've been thinking a lot about gender roles. It first came up when I was browsing toys for Christmas, thinking about what the kids might like. In a matter of minutes I realized I was only considering dolls & anything baby related for Charlotte. For Solomon, cars, dinosaurs & sports. Immediately upon this revelation I left the store, concluding I needed to think more about what this would tell my children.

I don't have a problem with girls wanting to play primarily with dolls, or with boys wanting to play primarily with cars. But I also don't want to have a problem with allowing my children to do the opposite. Of course I think gender identity is important. It's a part of who we are & how God made us. But should I subtly discourage my son from playing "daddy" & practicing affection with a "baby"? Or discourage my daughter from "being a football player" if that's what she wants to do? Would sticking to gender-specific toys contribute this discouragement?

This didn't sit well with me &, honestly, I still don't know how to find balance on this issue. As a parent it is my responsibility to help foster their identities. Part of finding identity involves gender. How am I supposed to do this??

(A blog I read this morning, which prompted me to blog about my dilemma, has a hilarious take on modern gender roles!)

On Loss, 3 Years Later

2009-11-18T20:06:00.000-08:00

Tonight at life group I mentioned my baby brother Josh while explaining the number of siblings I have. I didn't go into detail, or even explain what happened. I simply said I had 4, now I have 3 as he passed away 3 years ago. Someone immediately said, "Oh, I'm so sorry!" In the moment, it didn't trigger anything. It's been 3 years. I've accepted it, coped with it. It is what it is. I didn't even acknowledge the sympathy & just continued talking. Well, on my way home it finally struck me that my brother's absence no longer really affects me. I've become desensitized. How did that happen? THAT realization crushed me.

Of course I still think of my brother. Very frequently, in fact. I still shed tears from time to time, too. I will always remember & love Josh. But I guess this is how it's supposed to be though. I mean, how can one go on living if they stay stuck on something that has happened in the past?

Right?

Priscilla

2009-11-16T16:45:00.000-08:00

I had 2 best friends in high school. Jackie, who I affectionately call "mi negra," is still one of my BFF's to this day. Priscilla, who we called "Silla" (sometimes we'd call her "chair" too --we were in Spanish together -- "silla" is chair in Spanish), left this earth 10 years ago today.

At first I decided against blogging in her memory..... it was so long ago. But Priscilla had such a huge impact on my life. I don't know that I would've gone back to church if it weren't for her. God used her to lead me into my own relationship with Him. During this time of my life is when God became real to me. So, yeah. Priscilla really left a mark on me.

Thank you, God, for the 3 short years of friendship I got to share with Priscilla. I will continue to cherish what few memories I have of her & look forward to seeing her again when I come Home.

Christian vs. Christ-Follower

2009-11-16T10:42:00.000-08:00

"So, what do you wear to display your Christianity?" Hahaha!!

Saw it here first (where you can find more of these vids).

Bible In a Minute

2009-11-13T10:45:00.000-08:00

This video is hilarious!

EARTH MADE, ADAM EVE
CAIN KILLS ABEL, HAS TO LEAVE
BORING GENEALOGY
GREAT FLOOD, OLIVE LEAF

TOWER BABEL, ABRAHAM
SODOM AND GOMORRAH AND
ISAAC, JACOB, JOSEPH, MOSES
TEN COMMANDS, PROMISED LAND

JUDGES, DAVID, SOLOMON
SENT AWAY TO BABYLON
JOB, THEN A BUNCH OF PSALMS
PROVERBS AND THE SONG OF SONGS

MAJOR PROPHETS, LION DEN
MINOR PROPHETS, BETHLEHEM
GOLD AND MYRRH AND FRANKINCENSE
SATAN AND SAMARITAN

CHOOSE DISCIPLES, OTHER CHEEK
WALK ON WATER, THOUSANDS EAT
LAZARUS, FIG TREE
LAST SUPPER, GETHSEMANE

BLOOD MONEY, THIRD DENIAL
PONTIUS PILATE, PUBLIC TRIAL
FORTY LASHES, TO THE TREE
WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?

THIRD DAY, EMPTY TOMB
REAPPEARS, FIVE WOUNDS
ACTS OF THE APOSTLES NEXT
EPISTLES AND APOCALYPSE

My Praise Music is Better Than Your Praise Music

2009-10-30T05:52:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about my grandma yesterday, probably because I saw a reference to "In the Sweet By and By" somewhere, & remembered a conversation (read: yelling match) we had in my car once. I was driving her to the store, or bank, or Taco Bell (possibly all 3) & I had one of my Five Iron Frenzy cd's playing. For those who don't know, FIF was a Christian ska band once upon a time. My grandma referred to it as crap.

"But Grandma," I said, "they're singing about/to Jesus! How can it be crap?? It's praise music!"

She responded by telling me that if it wasn't a hymn then it wasn't true praise music. Then she burst into song & clapping, "I'LL FLY AWAY, OH GLORY! I'LL FLY AWAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!! THAT'S how you REALLY praise Jesus!"

Her normal voice was loud. I'm surprised her rendition didn't shatter my eardrums. There was more to the "conversation" but this is the only part permanently seared into my mind's eye.

This probably isn't funny to most people, but it is hilarious to me, picturing her in that moment. That batty old lady.

Solomon Doesn't Play by the Fashion Rules

2009-10-28T09:39:00.000-07:00

Now that he's older, he usually has his own ideas regarding his appearance. My opinion no longer matters. For instance, yesterday he refused to take off his jacket. No matter where we were, inside or outside. All. Day. Long. He even took a nap in it. And if he's wearing something with a hood, the hood is always up.

We're currently potty training so he goes back & forth between diapers & underwear. I keep him in underwear except when he's sleeping. But now when he wears diapers he MUST wear underwear over them. Oh, & he will only wear his underwear backwards. Because he wants to see the cartoon characters.

There are a couple of items he would wear everyday if I didn't hide them from him to be washed: his Elmo socks & his Ravens jersey. Purple & red do not look good together.

He also likes to wear his shoes on the wrong feet. I think this is more a defiance thing than an enjoyment thing though.

Islam on Capitol Hill -- A Rant

2009-09-23T06:45:00.000-07:00

I received the below email this morning & honestly, it got me a little riled up. (Pretty long, sorry.)

September 25, 2009

Islamic Day of Prayer at the White House

Dear Friends,

We received this email today and feel that it is important enough to pass along to you. We need to continue to pray for our nation like never before!

In June 2007, Presidential candidate Barack Obama declares theUSA no longer a Christian nation.

In 1952 President Truman established one day a year as a National Day of Prayer.

In 1988, President Reagan designated the first Thursday in May of each year as the National Day of Prayer.

This year however, President Obama, decided to cancel the ceremony at the White House not wanting to offend anyone.

On September 25, 2009 from 4am until 7pm, a National Day of Prayer for the Muslim religion will be held on Capitol Hill, beside the White House. As a Christian, it makes me really wonder where the REAL direction of this country is headed.

Whether you didn't vote for the man or you did, as Christians I would surely hope that this would stir your spirit. They are expecting over 50,000 muslims that day in DC.

The website is:
www.islamoncapitolhill.com

Pay particular attention on the website to the bottom of the page where it states, "OUR TIME HAS COME."

2 Chronicles 7:14 says "if my people, who are called by my name,will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." becomes more important each day.

Perhaps all the things going on now in this country and around the world could be solved if we would heed this scripture.

If you feel that this is an important issue, please feel free to make your friends and family aware. If not, delete it. Just a few thoughts to ponder on.

God Bless

~If this upsets you, we have no one to blame except the Christians who haven't prayed.

~I've heard many complaints about the direction that our country is taking, many people are upset with President Obama and our government officials, but the truth is the only people to blame are we Christians who haven't chased hard after our God. This is a spiritual battle that will become a natural battle if we don't pray.

My thoughts:

First of all, why can't the Muslims have their day of prayer? This is America. Freedom of religion. If I, as a Christian, am allowed to have a day of prayer to my God, why can't a Muslim?
This day of prayer isn't really "at the White House." It's at Capitol Hill. The event also hasn't in any way been organized or sanctioned by the government. It's totally independent & not really political, other than the fact that the aim is to pray for our nation.
Hassen Abdellah, the organizer, stated, "Most of the time, when Muslims go to Washington D.C., they go there to protest some type of event. This is not a protest. Never has the Islamic community prayed on Capitol Hill for the soul of America. We're Americans. We need to change the face of Islam so people don't feel every Muslim believes America is 'the great Satan,' because we love America." (via snopes.com -- I went there first to check the facts as I assumed some of what this email said was misleading/misguided. The link will take you to "Islam on Capitol Hill.") So, Muslims love America. Who woulda thunk it? Abdellah's words really hit home for me. I am guilty of rarely praying for our government & country. I can't say I've uttered "I love America" very often (I do love it, for the record).
I also can't say I completely disagree with Obama's statement that America is no longer a Christian nation. It's a melting pot, for sure, made up of such a vast variety of people, of which only a portion is Christian. What exactly makes a nation a "Christian" nation? If there really is a such thing as separation of church & state, then our nation shouldn't be labeled as any type of religious nation, in my opinion.
I think emails like this promote fear & hatred. And I'm not sure why we Christians often feel this way. What is so threatening about this day of prayer? It isn't jeopardizing my rights, freedoms or my faith. There is no reason to fear or to hate; consider Paul's words in Romans 8, verses 28-39. No follower of Christ is ever really in danger.
I'm not really sure what the beef with Obama is regarding all this either. I know he didn't have the annual Day of Prayer ceremony at the White House, but it isn't like everyone else couldn't observe it. I reiterate, Islam on Capitol Hill hasn't been endorsed or anything by the government. So I particularly have a real problem with this portion of the email: "As a Christian, it makes me really wonder where the REAL direction of this country is headed. Whether you didn't vote for the man or you did, as Christians I would surely hope that this would stir your spirit. They are expecting over 50,000 muslims that day in DC."

Let them have their day of prayer. Pushing our beliefs on others does not lead them to Christ.

Confession Booth

2009-09-16T07:09:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite writers, Jason Boyett, has posted a couple of confession blogs in the past. It inspired me to give it a whirl, to see if my soul will feel any cleaner. Also, I don't blog much anymore because I don't really have much to say these days. I blame this on Twitter & Facebook as they enable me to keep everyone updated on my minute-by-minute, oh-so-exciting life. I promise my confessions won't be nearly as funny & entertaining as JB's, so I encourage you to head on over to his blog & look around.

Let's start with the reason I wrote this blog: JB. Even though I refer to him as one of my favorite writers, I've never read a single book he's penned. I've only read his Relevant mag articles &, obviously, his blog & Tweets.
I like iCarly. A lot. In fact, I DVR'd it last Saturday so I wouldn't miss "iThink They Kissed." There is no reason for me to like this show. My kids are ages 1 & 3; no teens or tweens in this household. I am at least twice the age of the targeted audience. Weird? Yes.
I am incredibly lazy. I do nothing most of the day & then scramble at 3 o'clock, after the kids are up from their nap (totally stupid of me & inconvenient), to do a few chores before Jason (my husband -- not to be confused with the aforementioned) gets home. My house, amazingly, does stay clean though.
I have commitment issues. Not relationally, I am an extremely loyal friend, but just in personal pursuits. I change my mind about things a lot. For instance, I'd love to go back to school & get a Bachelor's, but I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up! Sometimes I want to continue with early childhood ed. Then I think, it would be cool to be a nurse. Or how 'bout [fill in the blank]. Then there's FlyLady. Twice I've tried fluttering with her, but I can't stick with it. Well, I could, but I'm not self-disciplined enough to do so. Those are just a couple examples. I'm fickle.
I lack self-discipline in general.
I hate exercise & love to eat. At the moment, this isn't a problem. It may catch up with me eventually though.
I am so judgmental & tend to be a little self-righteous, which, I imagine, is amusing to God. Or maybe more like disappointing.
I know for certain that God has called me into some type of homeless ministry, but I have been successfully ignoring Him for, um, what? Like 2 years now? It's easy to drown Him out with the white noise of life. I like staying within my comfort zone. Anyone who thinks following Jesus is easy has never really tried.
I am a wanna-be hipster. I love everything about them but I am just not cool enough to pull it off. That & I'd rather dress like an adult than a 19 year old again.
This one's a doozy: I voted for Obama. And I don't regret it. There. I said it. Let the verbal abuse from my family begin. I'm probably gonna get cut out of Daddy's will for that confession.

Whew! Well, glad all that's outta the way. I do feel a little lighter. Maybe I'll do this again sometime.

Happy 1st Birthday, Charlotte!

2009-08-26T06:26:00.000-07:00

Happy 1st birthday princess! You turned one yesterday & I can't believe how quickly that day arrived. You have brought so much more joy into our lives than I thought possible & it's hard to remember life before you graced us with your presence.

You are such a Mommy's girl & I love it so much! When I hold you, you lay your head on my shoulder, wrap your tiny arms around my neck & squeeze tight. It's one of the best feelings in the world.

Knowing that I am your first role model as a woman of God, it strengthens my desire to be more godly. As you grow, I want you to know that you are so beautiful & your worth comes only from the LORD. I hope you never let society's standards convince you otherwise. I love you, my beautiful baby girl.

Happy (belated) 3rd Birthday, Solomon!

2009-08-19T06:24:00.000-07:00

My Super Solomon,

Sorry I didn't get this post done on your actual birthday, but it's been hectic these past few weeks (especially the day of your birthday!). We settled on our very first house a week before your birthday so our time has been filled with new house business. Painting, cleaning, furniture, unpacking. Craziness! But, how many kids get to say they got a new house for their birthday? ;)

Daddy told you about 2 weeks earlier that your birthday was coming, so everyday, for 2 weeks, after you woke up from nap you would say to me, "Gonna go to birthday now??" And you would sing, "Happy birthday to Solomon!" Even for a couple of days after your birthday we had to keep explaining to you that it had come & gone & it is no longer your birthday. That must be really hard to accept at 3.

We had your party at Chuck E. Cheese's, which was your first time there. You had so much fun! You, Delilah & Larry were walking up the SkeeBall games & throwing balls in. As Aunt Erin said, "a foe sho way to win!" The pizza was awful, but I don't think you cared. We had a Lightening
McQueen cake, your favorite!

(I stole this pic from Aunt Erin's FB -- shhh, don't tell her!)

Thank you for being such a cool kid (most of the time.... when you aren't purposefully driving me crazy). You are so stubborn & undeterred. And I love those things about you (except those times I reaalllllly want you to listen to me). You never let anyone tell you what you can & can't do, & I pray you will always remember that you "can do everything through Him who gives [you] strength." [Phil 4:13] I know you will never let others define who you are, & I hope you will always find your identity & purpose in the Father alone. Things may be challenging for us during these early years of yours, but I wouldn't trade them for anything. I'm sorry I'm not the perfect mom, & I thank you for always being so forgiving of my parenting errors. God has definitely used you to reveal areas in my life where I struggle with selfishness, among other things. The LORD is using you to mold me into a better person, to better reflect His heart. So what a blessing these challenging years are! You are my Super Solomon, & I love you more than you could ever know.

Manly Man

2009-08-17T06:53:00.000-07:00

I saw Bradley Hathaway several years ago at a show in a dirty venue in Pomona. This poem brings tears to my eyes -- especially the part about "each of my daughters will know that they are lovely & deserving of authentic romance." He also sings & looks a bit like a hippie now (I <3 hippies).

He will NOT be ignored

2009-07-22T14:41:00.000-07:00

I tried to spend a few minutes online, you know, just to have a short moment of "me" time.... but I can't. Because Solomon is having a wicked tantrum right now. He is pulling my chair away from the computer, he actually climbed on the desk to sit between me & the computer, & he's wailing. Maybe I should feel guilty about this.

Boundaries

2009-06-30T10:54:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't been blogging much lately -- so much has been going on over the past month that I haven't really had time! I plan to do a "catch up" post soon.

Anyway, so I want to talk about boundaries today & how certain people disregard them sometimes. Okay, a certain PERSON, my FIL Ed.

Back in October when Jason was home for post doc interviews, he & Ed went driving around the Frederick area as that is where we would most likely be living if/when we return to MD. (Which we did, obviously.) While there they met Paul, who would later become our Realtor. So as you can see, Ed's sort of been involved in our first home buying process since the beginning. In fact, at first Paul was solely contacting Ed about all of this. Jason quickly put an end to that.

We did not ask Ed to help us with any of this. He took it upon himself to watch the market & scope out some areas & houses while we were still in CA. He even offered to buy a house for us which we would in turn buy from him, just in case a great deal came along that we weren't ready to purchase ourselves. I truly do appreciate his desire to help us, & I know he means well, but the truth is.... I hate it.

Jason & I are adults. We've been on our own, with little to no support from anyone, for the past 5 years. We do not need assistance in buying a house. We agreed that if we could not afford what we wanted on our own we would have to settle for less of a home. Our finances are our finances. Not Ed's. Not anyone's.

Ed's very impulsive. Once in a while he would call Jason -- while we were still in CA, 3,000 miles away! -- & tell him we had to act now! The market's picking back up & interest rates are climbing again! Jason would explain to him, "It doesn't matter what the market is doing. We don't have the money for a house right now & we are across the country."

Jason has flat out told his father that this is our experience & we want it to stay just between the two of us. We don't want anyone else involved. But this past Sunday Ed ignored our demand for him to mind his own business & went behind our backs to go look at the house we decided to make an offer on.

Jason had gone over to his parents' house & Ed wasn't there. He asked Jewel where he went & she told him the truth, that he had gone to Hagerstown to meet Paul & look at the house we chose. Jason immediately called Ed & tore him a new one. He had no business contacting our real estate agent to go look at the house we want for our family. Ed was pissed at Jewel for telling Jason what he was doing, but I'm glad she did. Not only did Ed butt in where he didn't belong, he tried to hide it from us! In a way I feel betrayed.

It sounds kinda silly, I'm sure, to be so upset over this. But it isn't about a house. It's about boundaries. Ed deliberately did exactly what we told him not to do. Then tried to hide it. I'm furious with Ed, & so is Jason, but Jason said all he could to Ed so there is no need to beat a dead horse. I think Ed got the message this time. He had better anyway.

Gluttony Spelled Backwards

2009-05-30T20:22:00.000-07:00

I swear I'm gonna gain about 50 lbs due to all this stress. It makes me want chocolate like nobody's business.

What a hectic day! Last minute we learned of a graduate yard sale where we could take our furniture to sell this morning. Yay for us! But the last minute part is what complicated things. We scrambled to take pictures of the furniture & make fliers, then Jason had to go to the lab to print them in color. Stupid Word took FOREVER & was all glitchy (stupid Microsoft - I hate you!), which caused Jason to get to the sale a half hour late. I also sent him in the opposite direction when I told him where it was being held. Oops.

He sold our couch & coffee table within the first hour, which is awesome, but it was removed from our apartment almost immediately after. I wasn't prepared for that -- I thought everything would stay put until after the sale, around 1 or so. Our friend Chris came over for lunch, as planned, but we didn't have anywhere to sit! So we had lunch on the floor, Japanese style (only with grilled cheese sandwiches & potato soup.... not so Japanese style). We still had a nice visit though! It was great catching up with him :) (We hadn't seen him in about 4 months as he went on a mission trip to Mexico.)

The downstairs area quickly became a ginormous mess as we started boxing more stuff. Then Jason had to go get his parents from the airport & take them to get their rental car, leaving me with a 2 yo who kept asking for Vóvó & Pop-pop. When they did finally get here, we just uncomfortably hung out here, due to having very little seating, & Jason & Ed continued with packing.

We met up with Jon & Molly for dinner & while we were there we learned that the timeshare my in-laws got didn't have a kitchen. Awesome. We found out earlier in the day that it was only a one bedroom, but we figured we could work around that (4 adults + 2 kids) as it has 2 double beds & a pull out sofa. No kitchen, on the other hand, is quite upsetting. I felt really bad for Ed because he did the best he could to find a place to stay here, but it's the summer & they're close to Disneyland.... the odds are against a person at this time of year & at that location. Everyone was kinda giving him grief about it & I just wish I could've told him it was alright. Maybe I can tell him tomorrow.

Another crazy day is expected tomorrow! Church in the morning (last one with ROCKHARBOR... I'm probably gonna cry :*( ), lunch, then packing, packing, packing! At least the kids will be with Ed & Jewel so we can focus on things around here.

Please pray that Jason & I will survive this week! There is light at the end of the tunnel!!

In case you can't figure it out, gluttony spelled backwards is ynottulg. Exactly.

Stressed Spelled Backwards

2009-05-27T21:21:00.000-07:00

Today was so frickin' stressful! And poor Solomon got the brunt of it because:

Stressed out mommy + a 2 yo = DISASTER

I mostly just screamed, but he did get a spankin' or two (only for dangerous stuff though, i.e. throwing his cup at his sister -- that thing is heavy!). I probably would've been way more patient with him if I wasn't freaking out over moving stuff. I hate myself for being a screamer. Sometimes I think of my mom friends & picture them all being way more calm & patient with their kids. Then mom guilt sets in.

Anyway, so about the moving issues. We had to cancel Mayflower, the moving company I hired, which quoted us around $2,000.00 & estimated about 2,100 lbs, as Jason's new job told us we had to use the moving company they're contracted with. Yesterday a surveyor came out & quoted more than double (over $5,000.00!) & estimated 5,100 lbs. Jason said he walked through the house with the guy & told him item by item what we were keeping & what we were leaving behind & yet he wrote on there that we were taking the refrigerator. Really? He really thought we were going to take a refrigerator out of a RENTED apartment?? Jason called the actual mover today & said, "That guy is either incompetent or completely ignored me." I'm guessing it's a combination of the two. Jason then went on to tell him that we could refurnish our whole house for less than that (we did, in fact, when we first moved here, thanks to IKEA!).

After that Jason & I had to rethink the furniture & decide again what we are keeping or getting rid of so we can meet the minimum weight requirement for the moving truck. The crappiest part of all this is that I only have 6 days to sell what we aren't keeping. If we can't sell it then it's off to the dumpster (since we won't have a way to haul it to Salvation Army :( ).

Not only is it crappy that the moving arrangements aren't being made until the week before, but it's Jason's last week at work & it's the most stressful time for him! His defense is Friday, so only a couple more days, but it's killing him. I just want all of this to be over. The next 11 days are going to be hell.

Well, I'm off to eat desserts now! Maybe a piece of chocolate with my tea....

Delicious Dandelion

2009-05-22T14:32:00.000-07:00

I finally took the time to dump our videos onto the computer. This is one of my favorites. It makes me smile every time :)

(Clearly Jason dressed Solomon that day.... he doesn't match.)

I am a Material Girl

2009-05-21T07:54:00.000-07:00

Not really, but last night I was thinking of some things I really want. I like stuff. I like to spend money on stuff (I am my father's daughter). So here is my wish list, in no particular order:

TOMS shoes. A real possibility, but it will probably have to wait a while. At least Solomon has a pair.
iPhone. Yes, I am pining for an iPhone. Even if I wait until next year when Verizon carries them (assuming we stay with Verizon & the rumors of them carrying the iPhone are true), I don't think I can justify spending that kinda money on a stupid phone.
Petunia Pickle Bottom diaper bag. I've seen several moms at church with these awesome bags! Again, sadly, I can't justify spending so much money on a diaper bag. Even at their outlet bags are still $100+. *sigh*
Clothes. I love to buy new clothes, not just for me but for the kids too. They're fun to dress! Like life-size baby dolls (that eat & poop & cry & destroy things). The thing about clothes is that there's always something to buy. So it's sort of a never ending desire.
Books. There are several books that I want to get: Crazy Love by Francis Chan, The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne, Churched by Matthew Paul Turner, & any Jason Boyett book. There are others, but here's where I'd like to start. (I did buy a copy of Mike Erre's Death by Church a couple weeks ago at church so I'm gonna focus on that for now.)

I always have mixed feelings about wanting unnecessary things -- does anyone else or am I alone on this?? I'm constantly battling with myself, going back & forth between wanting nonessential items & thinking about all the things I could do with that money for others instead (or simply thinking of the bills we need to pay... depends on what the credit card looks like at that moment).

I don't NEED a Petunia Pickle Bottom bag, there is nothing wrong with my $30 bag from Target. I don't NEED an iPhone, my current phone works just fine. I don't NEED new clothes, I have plenty in my closet.

I still think there is more than enough room for change in my present lifestyle, to live more simply. But why does living simply have to be so difficult? Why can't it just come naturally to me??

My Beloved

2009-05-15T13:50:00.000-07:00

I am so very proud of my amazing husband! He has accomplished so much at only 26 years old & I know he will do so much more in the years to come. Three weeks from tomorrow he will graduate with his PhD in rocket science (really it's molecular biology, but it's all the same to me so it may as well be rocket science!). He has worked so hard on his studies & research here. He has solved 3 different protein structures & co-authored 6 publications, 3 of which he is the first author.

Not to mention he has managed to do this with a somewhat demanding, & at times pain-in-the-ass, wife & two children....

While thinking about what he was going to write in his acknowledgments for his dissertation he faced a dilemma that was pretty significant considering his field. Generally speaking, scientists are not people of faith (interesting side note: of the 4 people in Jason's lab, 3 are Christians) so he felt really uncomfortable about thanking the LORD in his acknowledgments. On the one side, he could be looked down upon for making this bold proclamation as a scientist, but on the other he would be surrendering to the expectations of men, sort of being ashamed of his God. I am happy to say he decided to thank God anyway! I am so proud of him for making this decision :)

Jason loves the LORD, & I love Jason even more for that. But he is also not afraid to ask difficult questions, another thing I admire him for. They are common questions, but not easy to wrestle with, such as: Why does God allow suffering in the world? How is it just for God to send people to hell? Is God evil or good -- He has raised up entire nations only to destroy them -- how is that loving? I love that he doesn't blindly "buy into" Christianity. This attribute drives me crazy at times because I'm usually the one he discusses these things with, & my brain just doesn't function as his does. So I get frustrated.

We have been together 7 years, the last 5 in marriage, & he has proved to be a wonderful husband & father. He shares in the responsibilities at home: cooking, cleaning, finances, child care, & more. Of course I typically manage the home most of the time because I am here much more than he is & he has been so overwhelmed lately at work that I've tried to ease the burdens of home life for him. I'm not always successful in this, but I do try. He is very affectionate with our children & I love that. His own father was never an affectionate person, so it is incredible for me to watch him cuddle & kiss the kids. He enjoys giving Solomon baths & playing with him (sadly, things that are a little lower on my "Fun Things To Do" list -- I'm just a bad mom). My heart melts when I watch him interact with Charlotte; she's totally stolen his heart. He tells me all the time that I'm hot & makes me feel so beautiful, so desirable.

We bicker sometimes (what married couple doesn't?) & there are days when we don't want to be married (sometimes it's more about commitment than how we feel). We are far from perfect, but we try to keep our marriage & our home centered on Christ. Five years of marriage isn't a lot (well, maybe it is by today's measures) & we have many more years to face, fighting for our marriage & each other. I am so thankful that we both want the LORD's will for our marriage & our lives so we will be fighting together, side by side.

Thank You, God, for my beloved husband. He isn't perfect but he is perfect for me.

Liberty & the Standards of Jesus

2009-05-06T09:24:00.000-07:00

Jason showed me today's devotional on RBC Ministries' site & I found it so profound I had to share it. As Jason said, "Oswald Chambers was a genius.... like the Mike Erre of his day." (Although I think that statement should be reversed, since Chambers preceded Erre.)

Liberty and the Standards of Jesus by Oswald Chambers
(Here's the link if you want to go to the actual page)

A spiritually-minded person will never come to you with the demand— "Believe this and that"; a spiritually-minded person will demand that you align your life with the standards of Jesus. We are not asked to believe the Bible, but to believe the One whom the Bible reveals (see John 5:39-40). We are called to present liberty for the conscience of others, not to bring them liberty for their thoughts and opinions. And if we ourselves are free with the liberty of Christ, others will be brought into that same liberty— the liberty that comes from realizing the absolute control and authority of Jesus Christ.

Always measure your life solely by the standards of Jesus. Submit yourself to His yoke, and His alone; and always be careful never to place a yoke on others that is not of Jesus Christ. It takes God a long time to get us to stop thinking that unless everyone sees things exactly as we do, they must be wrong. That is never God’s view. There is only one true liberty— the liberty of Jesus at work in our conscience enabling us to do what is right.

Don’t get impatient with others. Remember how God dealt with you— with patience and with gentleness. But never water down the truth of God. Let it have its way and never apologize for it. Jesus said, "Go . . . and make disciples. . ." (Matthew 28:19), not, "Make converts to your own thoughts and opinions."

[Emphasis mine.]

Can't Resist

2009-05-05T21:14:00.001-07:00

This frickin' song is stuck in my head. I hope it gets stuck in yours too.

"At the Reeeeeed Hoooooouse!"

P.S. I <3 Rhett & Link.

Incident #4 of #2

2009-05-04T08:36:00.000-07:00

Last night Solomon, for the fourth frickin' time, took off his poopy diaper & smeared it into the carpet, his door & his bed. He had already had 2 baths yesterday so he then needed a third. Jason, who is anti-spanking, smacked his bare little bottom twice over it. Solomon got really upset over the spanking, so maybe, hopefully, that was the last time.

The End is Nigh!

2009-05-03T13:36:00.000-07:00

I found out the other day why it is that Jason doesn't want me to pack yet. He FINALLY gave me this reason: "It's just that things are so hectic at work & I need something normal in my life. When I come home to boxes everywhere it reminds me that I only have a month left to finish! I want home to be normal for me, but it isn't." *Sigh* This explanation made me feel like a horrible wife. I thought that by getting some of the packing done now I would be alleviating stress, but all I did was create NEW stress!

*****

I'm having a moving sale next Saturday. Never had a yard sale before, so I'm a little nervous about how it will all turn out. My good friends Caroline & her husband Gabe are coming down to help though, & they are experienced in this area, thank goodness! I'm not really out to make money; my main priority is to get rid of stuff, but if I can make a few bucks off it, why not? I got a phone call today about a t.v. we are selling. The only problem is, it isn't a t.v. It's a computer monitor. I felt a little bad for the guy, but it did say "Dell monitor" on it.

*****

The kids had their first bath together this morning. I was kinda worried about taking on this feat but I knew it was the only way (easiest way!) I could get them both bathed this morning. Solomon's pretty wild, especially when water is involved, so I was afraid he would hurt or scare Charlotte. But she loved it! She laughed & splashed right along with him. It was cute :)

*****

Now that our move date is just on the horizon, I gotta admit... I don't want to leave now. I thought I did for so long, but after 5 years of being on our own out here, this place feels like home. Alas, it doesn't matter now, our decision has been made & we are off to return to MD. Even though I'm torn about leaving SoCal, I know we made the right choice. We -- er, I mean I -- need to be closer to family during this phase of our life. With small babies at home, & probably more to come, I really need more support than what I have here. I guess I'm mostly to blame for my lack of community. I could've joined mom groups or something, but mom groups can't replace family. It is hard being so far away. Especially during difficult times: deaths, job loss, arrivals of new babies, etc.

*****

Well, I'm off to pack some more. (I've already started so might as well keep going. Besides, Jon & Molly just dropped off a ton of boxes yesterday. Gotta use 'em up!)

Shalom peeps!

White Man

2009-04-29T15:54:00.001-07:00

Don't Let His Size Fool You. He's a Hard-ass.

2009-04-22T20:15:00.001-07:00

We FINALLY got our car back today -- woo hoo!! It felt sooo good to drive a manual again. Jason & I met with the manager of the service & parts department over some charges we should not have had to pay. Long story short, if they had correctly diagnosed the problem the first time, the labor would've been covered by the warranty, amounting to about $700 (remember, we paid over $900 the first time we took the car in).

Some friends came over to watch the kids but we decided last minute to take Charlotte, because she doesn't usually do too well with people other than me & I wasn't sure how long we'd be gone. We had read some complaints on Edmunds' website several weeks ago, when things first went sour (actually, the only comments about this dealer on the site were complaints, one being eerily close to our situation). One person referred to the guy as a "loose cannon" & that the owner "hid behind [the manager's] skirt." So, needless to say, we were kinda nervous about meeting with him. On the way there Jason & I agreed that Charlotte & I would go into the meeting with Jason in hopes of softening the guy up. Jason also mentioned that research has shown people to be less aggressive when they are out numbered.

I pictured the manager as a grumpy old man, but found a very large, intimidating 40-something man. We were there for a long time, about an hour, & the guys office was like a sauna. A lot of the conversation was annoying because even though Jason was saying, "if it was done right the first time, we wouldn't have had to pay for labor, therefore I want a refund," they guy would reply with, "people make mistakes; nobody has a crystal ball," & "I promise you we are not unethical," etc. We weren't accusing anyone of being unethical. We understand people make mistakes, but that's not the issue. The issue is that they needed to own up to their mistake & compensate us for the inconvenience & refund the unnecessary charges. Jason said later that he thinks the guy was beating around the bush just to see how far Jason would go, trying to feel him out. My man does not back down when he thinks he's right.... which is about 98% of the time....

Toward the end of the conversation, the manager said he commended Jason for the way he handled the matter & appreciated him coming to talk it out. He was very sincere, gave us a card & told us that no matter where we were, if we felt we were getting screwed by someone else we were dealing with to just call him & ask him about it. We weren't given the whole $700 back, as we do have new brakes which would've had to been replaced eventually anyway, but we agreed to $614, which was all the labor costs from the first visit. If we were to stay in this area, I'd say that dealership would've have earned themselves some repeat customers. Jason told the manager that he would write a positive review on Edmunds for them. (They need it.)

The moral of the story: don't mess with my husband :P He's a stinkin' genius & it's near impossible to screw him over. Especially when it involves his hard-earned money. I <3 my Fred Mertz.

Everything

2009-04-18T22:10:00.000-07:00

Last summer the youth at Dani & Will's church did this skit. I bawled during the whole thing... & I bawled through this whole video. There's just something that wrecks me, to the core of my soul, watching the dance which symbolizes God's fight for me. He's battling the world & the evil within it that vies for my devotion because He loves me so much. So much that He sacrificed Himself for me. I can't even fathom -- & then I see this skit. It shows me, in a very limited human way, what that looks like.

"How can I stand here with You & not be moved by You?"

I can't.

Happy Resurrection Day!

2009-04-13T13:56:00.000-07:00

Easter celebration was absolutely amazing yesterday! Always is, of course. But this year ROCKHARBOR decided to do baptisms during celebration! What better way to celebrate the resurrection of our LORD & Savior than to have baptisms?! I ALWAYS cry tears of pure joy during baptisms. I can't begin to explain the happiness I feel when I watch someone's public declaration of their faith in Christ & joining our family. There were a number of people who had come to celebration planning to be baptized, but it was open to anyone & everyone who wanted to do it spontaneously. Girls (& I'm talking the "epitome of Orange County" looking girls) were getting baptized in their Easter outfits with makeup & hair all done; guys who were dressed nicely too. Even when celebration was over people were still randomly coming up to be baptized! It was so beautiful! God is good!! Man, if i get this emotional over the baptisms of complete strangers, how am I gonna react if/when my own children make this decision??

We always sing this song at the end of Easter celebration & it is truly the perfect ending to the service. Everyone dancing & shouting, rejoicing in Christ's conquering of death!

Anyway, after church we went to Jon (Uncle Cookie) & Molly's, which is always so much fun. I love hanging out with them! They had an egg hunt for Solomon & then we dyed eggs. We ate dinner with them & hung out a bit longer before heading home.

What a great day!

Seek Week, Saturday

2009-04-11T22:23:00.000-07:00

Quick story unrelated to Seek Week: After lunch I put Solomon to bed & then went to take a nap myself. Well, instead of sleeping he decided to try & change his own poopy diaper. Since I was asleep I didn't hear him calling for us to change his diaper, if he did at all. He opened all the packs of wipes that were in the diaper cabinet (needless to say, we no longer keep ANYTHING in there) & poop was smeared all over the carpet, his clothes & his bed. I did laugh for a few seconds, because it was funny that he tried to change himself, but once I had to start scrubbing crap off of everything, I was kinda pissed. Thank God for OxiClean & Febreeze.

The end.

READ
Mark 15:42-47

REFLECT
Within this story of death & resurrection, there is an invitation for all of humanity to experience both death of the egocentric self & the resurrection of a new life that is found in Christ. It is here that we are no longer able to see our lives as fragmented & isolated occurrences that are to be experienced in an independent manner.

This new way of being in Christ moves us from the haunting idea that we are in this alone to an awakening to the beautiful picture that we are all in this together. It is this shared experience of the death we are called to step into where we can together embrace our nothingness apart from God. Then this new resurrected life can become a reality we participate in together. In this new shared experience we are no longer competing, comparing, or attempting to get ahead of each other; rather we are together basking in the shared light of God's love that shines upon us for no other reason than the fact that we are.

PRAY
As we look toward resurrection Sunday, ask God if you need to surrender a need to compete, compare, & attempt to get ahead. What areas are you measuring yourself against others, wanting leverage over them? Ask God that you would be able to simply receive the gift of His love that is available to all.

Coincidentally (or is it?), I just talked to my friend Kelli about something that sort of relates to this. I was telling her about how I wanted to buy a shirt but after a while decided against it because I asked myself, & surprisingly answered honestly, "Do I really need this?" And of course, I did not. When I was working I would buy stuff all the time, unnecessarily, for the simple reason I could afford it. I LOVE spending money, especially on clothes. Probably too much. So this is definitely a heart issue for me. Some people may not have considered my shirt dilemma a big deal, but for me & my heart, it is. I never really considered my "need" to have new clothes all the time as a way of competing with others, but that's exactly what I was doing. This is just one example. I compare myself to others in countless ways: my physical appearance, being jobless/a SAHM, the kind of mother I am, my education, the kind of housekeeper I am, the kind of Christ follower I am, our financial situation, my kids, my husband.... the list goes on & on.

I should be thanking the LORD for putting us in a tight financial position. Although it isn't fun, it's forced me to really think about the difference between needs & wants. I hope & pray to God that even when do we have a roomier budget again that this lesson learned will keep my spending habits in check. (It doesn't hurt that I'm married to Fred Mertz either. God knew what He was doing when He paired me up with this tightwad.)

Seek Week, Friday

2009-04-10T21:38:00.001-07:00

Today's Good Friday service was amazing (as always) & very powerful. Every year they give out slips of paper & pens so you can write down things you want to be free from, then you nail them to a cross. For those of you who have never done this, or have never even heard of this, it symbolizes your sin & your old self dying on the cross with Christ. "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." -- 2 Corinthians 5:21 (emphasis added). We are now new people because of this most loving act & are no longer slaves to sin. Sometimes, though, we still live as though we are in bondage.

On my little piece of paper I wrote a note to the LORD about, of course, my anger. I wept as I wrote & couldn't control the rush of emotion that came over me. I pretty much wrote on the piece of paper what I wrote in my blog last night. I kept trying to not cry, but the harder I fought, the more I cried. I hate myself because of my anger & I am ashamed of how I treat people -- especially my own family. First John 4:7-12 says:

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."

That's a painful passage for me to read. "Whoever does not love does not know God." My heart is broken tonight.

READ
Mark 15:1-41

REFLECT
When the story of our lives is shaped by an egocentricity that seeks to establish & prove itself to the world, our decisions are made based on what is going to make us look best to those who happen to be around. In this story we have no real center, so we continuously have to protect the circumference of our lives.... leaving us exhausted, unfulfilled, & restless.

In Jesus, we find the greatest expression of what life looks like when it allows itself to be shaped by the story as opposed to our own selfish desires. When Jesus was mocked, ridiculed, falsely accused & beaten, Pilate was shocked that He did not defend Himself. Jesus knew what was happening was unjust, but from a vantage point that was able to see the panoramic view of God's story unfolding, He was able to absorb the moment of injustice & death because He saw & trusted in the life & resurrection that were to come.

PRAY
Ask God how you have made your life the point of the story. Ask God for a new perspective, one that views each moment of your life as part of God's larger redemptive story. Ask Him that this perspective would transform the way you live.

I'm a pretty self-centered person, so how have I NOT made my life the point of the Story? I need to be taken down a couple notches. Humbled. I really should get involved in serving again. I need to be reminded regularly that it's not all about me. I need to give myself away.

Seek Week, Thursday

2009-04-09T21:17:00.000-07:00

I expected my week to get better as the days passed, but unfortunately it has just gotten crappier. I've had a really shitty day & I do not feel like doing this tonight. Spent some time venting to God about everything, & even blaming Him for some of it. Right now I don't feel my heart is any closer to being prepared for this weekend than it was a week ago.

Pressin' on.

READ
Mark 14:12-72

REFLECT
On the night that has come to be known as the Last Supper, Jesus extends an invitation to those present to participate in a story. What is this story? It's the story of death & resurrection. Jesus breaks the bread & shares the wine with his disciples symbolizing the breaking of His body & the pouring out of His blood for the healing of the world. With this act, Jesus' words, "Come follow me" just took on an entirely new & profound meaning.

The invitation to participate in this story begins with us dying. This is a concrete ego-death where we let go of our old self, & trust in this new resurrected life in Christ. All of us want to experience the freedom that comes in this new life but we are not first trusting in the death of the old life. But it is only when we first trust in the death that we are able to experience this radical re-orientation of our entire being in Christ.

PRAY
Consider what ways your old self is still present in your life. As these ways are revealed, acknowledge them. Ask God for peace to know these things don't define you. And ask Him for strength to move past them.

Hmm. My old self is still present in my life in almost every way. At least it affects me in almost every way. I cannot rid myself of this horrible anger. I've BEEN acknowledging my anger issue for so very long & have begged the LORD to heal me in this area, yet it continues to debilitate me & ruin my life. Unfortunately, my anger DOES define me & I since I've been struggling with it nonstop, I in turn struggle to trust that the LORD will heal me.

Seek Week, Wednesday

2009-04-08T20:23:00.000-07:00

Today was not a good day for me. While I did steer clear of Twitter & FB, I let the t.v. run alllll daaaaay loooong. I have also been incredibly cranky & thus, incredibly impatient with Solomon. Poor kid. It's sad he got stuck with me as his mom. (I have a good reason to be cranky today -- in addition to Charlotte's nightly feedings, Solomon woke up around 2am & didn't go back to sleep until after 4. So, yeah. I'm tired.) I suck.

Seek Week....

READ
Mark 14:1-11

REFLECT
Jesus overhears some of those at Simon the Lepers' house rebuking the woman harshly for anointing Jesus' feet with an expensive perfume. Jesus tells them to "leave her alone. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial." Burial? Can you imagine what some of Jesus' disciples & those in attendance are thinking? "You're going to die soon? We thought you were going to help us overthrow Rome & now you're talking about your coming burial?"

This moment was the tipping point for one of the disciples.... Judas.

Verse 10 says, "Then Judas Iscariot, one of the twelve, went to the chief priests to betray Jesus to them." When Judas sees the way Jesus interacts with this woman, he realizes his expectations of the Kingdom of God are far off from reality. He feels betrayed. He feels frustrated. And he's had enough. It's at this moment that Judas glimpses where this week is going to take Jesus & what this will mean for Christ's disciples. It will not be a life of luxury, but of death. So Judas opts out by heading to the chief priests & creating an alliance that in his mind will, unlike the Kingdom of God, protect & provide for him.

PRAY
Do you believe the way of Jesus is really the best way to live? Ask God if there are ways you have taken measures into your own hands to ensure you are protected & provided for. Ask God for a trust that will allow Him to show up on His terms.

After contemplating & praying on this for a bit, no instances are coming to mind in which I tried to protect myself rather than trusting God to do that for me. I'm sure there have been plenty of times but I can't really remember anything specific. Even after losing my incredibly well paying job, knowing it would be near impossible to find a new one in my condition (pregnant), I never stopped trusting that God would provide for us. And He has been, unceasingly, in various ways. For instance, we didn't have to buy diapers for Charlotte out of pocket until she was more than 6 months old.

But on the other hand....

The American lifestyle is exactly that: self-reliance. "Look out for #1!" And I am not immune to it. We are self-made people & proud of it. I don't worry about where my next meal is going to come from, or if I'm going to die from a preventable &/or treatable disease, or if my kids will be stolen from me & forced to join a rebel army. Maybe I can't think of specific instances where I tried to be my own provider/protector, but I probably do this in little ways everyday unknowingly. Because that's what middle-class Americans do.

After writing out these thoughts, I am reminded of a video I recently watched. Francis Chan is a pastor in Simi Valley, CA & has spoken at our church once or twice before (& he is amazing!).

To be honest, I am afraid to pray this prayer. It's scary to depend solely on someone else, even when that someone else is God. There are areas in my life where I certainly trust Him, but complete control over everything.... not so much. Well, I guess God has now given me the answers to the above questions.

Seek Week, Tuesday

2009-04-07T20:53:00.000-07:00

The LORD gave me the strength & I stuck to my commitment & did not Tweet or goof off on Facebook at all today (I will admit I went on to FB briefly to get someone's email address, but that is it, I swear!). I only let Solomon watch t.v. during breakfast & lunch & then we watched FOX during dinner. The entire morning I played with the kids: Play-doh, Mr. Potato Head, blocks & just general silliness. We let iTunes play all morning so Solomon would sporadically break into song & dance throughout the morning. I was so tired this morning though.... & bored to tears (which I think exacerbated my tiredness). The afternoon was a little rough, but tomorrow is a new day.

Okay, on to Tuesday of Seek Week!

READ
Mark 11:20 - 13:37

REFLECT
As Jesus enters the temple area on Tuesday, He is immediately questioned about His authority by the chief priests & teachers of the law. Authority was a big thing to the Hebrew people because, in their minds, only a few teachers possessed it. If one had the authority, they would be free to make new interpretations of the Torah -- the first five books of the Bible. When you read through the gospels, you see many times that Jesus does this by saying, "you have heard it said; but I tell you..." When Jesus would do this, people often wondered where He received this authority.

It was customary during that day for a rabbi to receive this kind of authority by being blessed by two other teachers who already had it. In Matthew 3:13-17, you see John the Baptist baptizing Jesus & heaven immediately opening up as the Spirit of God descends down onto Jesus like a dove & a voice declares, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased." At this moment, Jesus receives the authority to make new interpretations, to invite people to repent becuase the Kingdom of God is at hand, & to usher in a new way to view reality.

PRAY
Does Jesus have the authority to speak into every aspect of your life? Ask God if there are areas where you have not given Him authority. Ask for courage to release these areas to Him. Ask for faith to believe that God wants to bless you in new ways in these areas.

I am not in a praying mood tonight, but I half-heartedly offered up these questions/requests to the LORD anyway. Thank goodness His faithfulness is unwaivering, no matter how much I waiver.

Areas of my life I have not given the LORD authority over:

Child rearing -- I depend on my own strengths way too much & rarely ask the LORD for help in this area. I just scream & spank.
Time -- My time is MY time & I don't like to share it. I don't give God much of my time, devoted solely to Him (i.e devotionals/quiet times); I don't give my kids enough of my time (mostly because playing bores me to death); I don't volunteer my time for service. I don't allow God to dictate my schedule, which is kinda weird when you think about it, since, you know, HE is the one who gave me my time to begin with.

What would it look like for me to release these areas to the LORD?

Child rearing -- Rather than just scream & spank, I can spend time explaining to Solomon why God does/doesn't want us to do certain things. How will Solomon reflect God's character if he doesn't know of God's attributes & His desires for His children?
Time -- I've heard before, & I believe this to be true, that the cure for selfishness is service. Before having children I loved being involved in service activities, both in & outside of church. God has really put the homeless, specifically, on my heart. But I allow the fact that I have small children to excuse me from not participating in such activities any more. I believe this lack of action contributes greatly to my "stuck in a rut" feeling. I usually think of what a hassle it is to take the kids anywhere, & really, how much can I get done with them around? I also convince myself that's it's okay I'm so lazy about it right now since we're moving in 2 months. I need to give myself away in some serious ways....

Seek Week, Monday

2009-04-06T22:14:00.000-07:00

So the week before Easter is "Seek Week" at ROCKHARBOR, during which we spend time preparing our hearts for Easter celebration. This year they distributed these handy-dandy packets with inserts for each day, Monday through Saturday. I have decided to blog my reflections each day this week, to share with you what God is doing with me, in me. (If you're only interested in reading my reflections, rather than the whole thing, skip on down to the bottom. I just thought it would be nice if people knew what I was reflecting upon.)

READ
Mark 11:12-19:

Jesus Clears the Temple
The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. Then he said to the tree, "May no one ever eat fruit from you again." And his disciples heard him say it.

On reaching Jerusalem, Jesus entered the temple area and began driving out those who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves, and would not allow anyone to carry merchandise through the temple courts. And as he taught them, he said, "Is it not written:

"'My house will be called
a house of prayer for all nations'? But you have made it 'a den of robbers.'"

The chief priests and the teachers of the law heard this and began looking for a way to kill him, for they feared him, because the whole crowd was amazed at his teaching.

When evening came, they went out of the city.

REFLECT
There were four courts in the temple; one for the priests, one for the Jewish men, one for the Jewish women, & one for the Gentiles. People came from all over the ancient near east to offer up their sacrifices & prayers at the temple. Imagine taking your yearly pilgrimage to the temple in Jerusalem & not being able to get in because the Jewish men have turned it into a bizarre where you can purchase animals for sacrifice & exchange money.

When Jesus sees the leaders of His day creating barriers for those who truly want to worship, it breaks His heart & He responds by driving out those who are selling & buying in the temple. He reminds people of Isaiah 56:7, "for my house will be called a house of prayer for all the nations." By driving out those who had neglected this verse, Jesus removes the barriers in the temple so that all are free to come & worship God uninterrupted.

PRAY
We each have spoken or unspoken barriers that will attempt to hold us back from worshiping God this week. Ask God to reveal what these barriers are in your life. Ask God to meet you in the midst of them. And ask Him to be free to come & worship Him this week.

As I prayed to the LORD & asked Him to show the barriers in my life, two specific things were brought to my attention:

Anger (the obvious one).
Media/entertainment distractions (computer primarily); selfishness with my time.

After this revelation I asked Him what I can do to break down these barriers. I was none too thrilled with His response:

Anger: I have no idea how to break down this barrier. This has been heavy on my heart for so long & "I'll just try harder next time" simply does not work. I didn't hear from the LORD so much on this issue during my prayer time, so I just asked, "LORD, how do I surrender this to You? You have already freed me from anger, so help me to act like it! BUT HOW??? So frustrating.
Time-sucking media: God made it perfectly clear what He expected from me on this one. Fast. Fast from the computer & t.v. shows & videos. God, I just want You to know, I am not okay with this. But, I'll do it. (Please note I am only fasting from Twitter & Facebook. Email is not really a problem area for me & I want to blog, another not-so-problematic area, through Seek Week.) In place of the time I would normally spend on the computer, I will devote to my kids, showing them what it means to live a worshipful life. (I'm gonna do my best anyway.) I will only check email & blog during naps & after bedtime.

Update on the Car Situation

2009-03-27T21:12:00.000-07:00

So it looks like Jason didn't have to raise hell to get a little compensation for the crap we went through -- thank the LORD! They explained that their mechanics/technicians are limited as far as what stuff they can do so they had to bring in a specialist of some sort to come on site & check it out. Tuns out a bearing came off & was rolling around, causing the clicking sound we were hearing. (I dunno what they're talking about, so if you don't know either, don't ask me. Also, if you DO know what they're talking about, don't explain it to me.) They had to order a part, which would take 3-5 business days to come in & then a day or two to fix it. So we were going to live without a car for a week & a half. But Hyundai was able to give a loaner, which they don't typically do, for 3 days. Better than nothing, but still not that convenient. At least they are trying to help us. I'm just happy I can do my grocery shopping without having to walk to the store with 2 babies & that we can go to church tomorrow. Yay church!! Hopefully we'll have it back in time for our Spiritual Parenting class on Tuesday.

Aim Lower

2009-03-26T07:32:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine sent me this video & I thought it was interesting. I've never really considered the Great Commission this way. Maybe we make things way more complicated than they should be.

The Fiasco (AKA Saturday Night)

2009-03-22T22:03:00.000-07:00

The beginning of this nightmare actually happened the Saturday before when, on our way to Jon & Molly's house, our clutch started making this clicking sound as though a rock or something was stuck in there. You could feel it through the clutch as your foot rests on it. The next day Jason had a friend take him to drop it off at the dealership & thus we were car-less for 2 1/2 days.

It [allegedly] took the technician the first entire day, open to close, to get the car to do for him what it had been doing to us for the previous two days. We were told that it was because we needed new brakes & rotors. We were also due for some regular maintenance so after everything was said & done, we dropped nearly $1000 on repairs. Yikes! But we assumed we wouldn't need anymore major work done for a while, & we hadn't really up until this point, so we just sucked it up & rolled with the punches. It was finally done late Tuesday evening but we weren't able to pick it up until the next day.

Wednesday night, the first time I took the car out, I had gone to the grocery store & halfway home the clutch started doing the clicking thing again! Jason calls the dealership back Thursday morning & was told we could bring it back in "if we wanted to" but it past safety inspection & is "safe to drive." Alright. They're the experts, they should know. We had decided to wait out the weekend & take it back in on Monday. Except, the car didn't last until Monday....

Saturday we drove to Glendora, nearly an hour away, to a friend's "welcome back!" party as he had just returned from a 6 month missions trip with YWAM. The clutch noticibly worsened about 45 minutes into our trip. We were coming off the 60 onto the 57 where we came to a light. Immediately upon stopping at the light the car silently died. Awesome. A line of cars were stuck behind us, trying to get off the freeway. Horns were honked (though the person directly behind us didn't -- she understood what the flashing hazard lights meant). People were mad. Jason called Hyundai's roadside assistance & I called our friend to let him know what had happened. All the while Solomon was screaming this awful, high-pitched scream that he does & Charlotte was crying. More awesomeness. Finally, after we had been sitting there for about 10-15 minutes, this man & his son offered to push us around onto the road, off of the exit, & we happily accepted. At least we weren't blocking the exit anymore!

Two friends were able to leave the party & come to our rescue; Ramses took the kids & me to the party & Chris & Jason stayed with the car to wait for AAA to send a tow truck. Thank God for Chris, who had AAA, as Hyundai was going to charge us $100 to tow! Ramses, the kids & I safely made it to the party around 6 (it started at 5). After about an hour & a half I called Jason as they still hadn't shown up. Jason explains to me that they were still waiting for the tow truck as AAA apparently dispatched a tow truck in TEXAS! That poor truck driver in TX was driving around on a road by the same name, looking for our car. So then AAA had to cancel that tow truck & dispatch a new one. Chris & Jason finally got to the party at about 8:30, we stayed for another half hour & Ramses took us home. (What a sweetie! That's a 2 hour round trip for him!)

Unfortunately, the madness didn't quite end there. Since the kids didn't get to bed until about 10:30, & they both have colds, they were both tired & cranky all day long. It's been a terribly long weekend.

Well, Jason has a few choice words for the dealership tomorrow & wrote a letter for them today. He said he's going to wait to see how they handle the situation & if they're cooperative, we will put this all behind us. If not.... well, I'll keep you posted. It ain't gonna be pretty, I promise you that.

Graduating to Solids

2009-03-20T20:24:00.000-07:00

We've been giving Charlotte rice cereal for a couple of months now. Inconsistently, though, because I'm too lazy to make a bowl. It's much easier to nurse her on the spot. At her 6 month check up I confessed I wasn't feeding her solids as often as I was supposed to be & the pediatrician said it's mostly to help babies gain weight & Charlotte certainly wasn't having any trouble in that department, so not to worry. He said we should go ahead & start giving her stage one foods though.

Well, transitioning to solids has proven to be both challenging & annoying. Charlotte simply has no interest in eating solids! She refuses to open her mouth & either purses her lips or sticks her tongue out, making it difficult to shove the spoon in there. All she wants to do is play with the spoon & chew on the rubber covering. While it is adorable to watch her do this, I don't want to spend a half hour trying to feed her a little bit of food. Especially when my two year old is running amok or throwing his own food.

I'm sure it'll get better with time. Just gotta keep on keepin' on.

Rice Cereal attempt #8. This pic cracks me up.

She stole the spoon from me.

Charlotte, before trying carrots for the first time.
(She has more bibs. It's just a coincident that she's wearing the same one.)

Other than the whole not opening her mouth part, it went alright.

She's a spoon thief.

Naptime Shenanigans

2009-03-13T21:57:00.000-07:00

Solomon had been in his room for nearly an hour & still hadn't gone to sleep. As I was passing his room I saw him jumping up & down at his door, shouting at me, "I'm a bug! I'm a bug!" When I stopped to get a good look at what he was doing, I found he had Charlotte's ladybug swimsuit dangling from his neck & he was running around, in squatted position, arms sticking straight out behind him, going, "Bzzzzzzz! Bzzzzzz!" It's hard to be aggravated with him when he's so darn cute.

Holiest Birthday Gift Ever

2009-03-07T09:06:00.000-08:00

One of the many reasons I heart Dave Khalif: he's the funniest, most creative person I know. Hmm. Maybe that was 2 reasons. Anyway, for my birthday he gave me the following:

The awesome Sponge Bob tin lunch pail contained: a Sweet Jesus Air Freshener, Virtuous Vanilla scent (doubles as an anti-theft device); Jesus Saves Your Breath mints, 12 wintergreen mints, one for each apostle; Pocket Jesus Saves (it's a little Pepto-pink, plastic Jesus figurine. And, yes, I do carry it in my purse. I like the pink Jesus better than the Suburban white Jesus with shiny, flowing hair & blue eyes. It also came with a bonus bumper sticker.); & finally, a tiny book entitled "The Monster That Ate Stars." Weird, weird little book. Doesn't make much sense really, but that's sorta the point.

Dave, if you read this, this is my official request for next year's birthday gift. I would like to see a comeback of "Gauche."

(P.S. Maria, do you think these things with Jesus' name slapped on them make Him cry? Or laugh hysterically?)

Charlotte's Baby Dedication, 1/25/09

2009-03-06T07:42:00.001-08:00

I finally got the dedication pictures back this week! Yay!! We got to church a bit early so we could get the pics done & save our seats. Jon & Molly, Charlotte's Godparents/Jason's bro & his wife, were with us, along with Trevin, the Petersons & the Morenos! Some our closest family & friends :) We were able to have Trevin come up to pray with & over our family, which meant so much to us.

There's something so powerful about standing before your church family, committing your child to the LORD & promising to raise them up in His ways. And hearing your church family also committ to supporting you & RockHarbor's family ministry. It's a heavy burden & a huge responsibility to "Train a child in the way he should go" [Proverbs 22:6a], but it's also such a privilage that God entrusted us to help guide them in His ways. If my kids do only one thing right in choosing to be in relationship with Christ, then I have done my job & can die a happy woman. I don't want their faith to be something they "do" because that's how they were raised; I want it to be authentic. I want them to grow up & own their faith. Investigate & figure out on their own that the LORD is good, not just because Daddy & I said so. Their decision to follow Him is more important than anything. More important than education, financial success, even their personal happiness. Eternal freedom is better than a mesley 80 years of self-indulgence.

We had to choose a life verse for Charlotte, one we were to pray as a blessing upon her. We chose the same passage we selected for Solomon for his dedication 2 1/2 years ago & we will use it for any other children we may have:

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. -- Ephesians 3:14-19

Here are a few pics from the dedication. For some reason, Solomon was abnormally cooperative that morning, thank God! :)

Lucy

2009-03-04T20:31:00.000-08:00

My sweet, sweet Lucy. You were the reason we adopted you & Gabe almost 5 years ago. We had looked at cats online & decided on one before we got to the shelter, only to learn he wasn't that friendly & hated other cats. So we walked around to find some kitties to complete our new family.

You kept pacing your cage, following us back & forth, back & forth, calling to us, "Pick me! Pick me!" After interacting with a few other cats, I said, "Well, let's check out these guys here. This one keeps calling to us, so maybe this is it." They took you, Gabe, Jason & me into a little room so that we could meet you formally. Gabe just kinda sat there, keeping his distance, disinterested in the whole ordeal. But you.... you were so affectionate! How could we say no to you? So we brought you home.

You were my baby for the first 2 years. You slept on my head every night & I loved it. Until we had a baby & sleep was scarce. I'm really sorry to have kicked you out of our room like that but I needed what little sleep I was getting & you sleeping on my head interfered with that. I didn't love you any less though. I hope you knew that.

As the family attention whore, your affection was annoying at times. Honestly, a lot of the time. As much as I loved you I wished you were content just being nearby, like Gabe, rather than on me 24/7. Seriously, if you could've lived inside me somehow, you would've. You always acted like a kitten, so spry & playful. No one would've ever guessed you were 14.

You were such a wonderful pet & I'm sorry I wasn't a better pet owner. I could've loved you better. I'm glad you didn't know the difference & loved me unconditionally, regardless of how I treated you (which wasn't bad.... it just could've been better). No pet could ever replace you & you will always hold a very special place in my heart. Hmm. Maybe you did get inside me afterall, hehe :) Goodbye kitty. I love you so very much & will miss your persistent, annoying cuddling.

Our Sweet Lucy
1995 - 3/4/09

I Need a Solid Night's Sleep

2009-02-13T14:37:00.001-08:00

I think the reason I have so many crazy dreams is because I'm constantly woken up during my REM sleep. Well, maybe that's not why they're crazy; but maybe it feels like I have more dreams than usual because I'm more likely to remember them, being interrupted & all multiple times each night.

This morning Jason let me sleep in a little (I get 2 days a week) & he came to wake me up around 8:30 so he could get ready for work. I was in the middle of this insane dream that Jason, the kids & I were at the Brickmans' house (why? I have no idea.), but it looks nothing like their house. It was late at night & dark outside; there were a lot of pipes & water & some construction going on (makes sense.... Davey is a contractor). Jason was downstairs on his laptop, working because he had synchrotron time. This was funny to me because he really DOES have synchrotron time this weekend. The kids were there, but sort of fuzzy. Like they were just running around playing or something & no one was really paying them any mind.

Anyway, so I kept getting these kicking sensations in my belly & I was pretty sure I was pregnant. I knew Jason would be really upset so I had Christine sneak out to get me a pregnancy test so I could confirm before I dropped a bomb on my husband.

I woke up before I found out whether or not I was preggers, so I guess we'll never know!

Blogging out of Boredom

2009-02-10T12:54:00.001-08:00

I don't really have much to blog about but I'm bored so I'm going to write some random pieces of information. Really I should be doing some chores around the house, but, meh.

God has been good to us & has continued to bless us even though this past year has been difficult. He has proven His faithfulness unwavering & I cannot help but give Him praise & adoration. Thank You LORD... it's impossible to thank You enough.
My left contact is blurry and it's extremely annoying. Maybe I accidentally got lotion in it when I rubbed my eye?
I had to run an errand this morning & while I was driving down MacArthur Blvd I had a clear view of the snow covered mountains beyond the palm tree-lined road. God of creation took my breath away.
This thought crosses my mind AT LEAST once a day: I wish everyone was as compelled by Christ as I am.
Some people obsess over politics, some people obsess over stocks & the economy. I obsess over God. I blog & talk about the LORD a lot. I don't care if it bothers people either. If you don't like it, you aren't being forced to read it, but I hope you do anyway so that you can get a glimpse of His good works in my life. I live for Him so it's only natural that my conversations center around Him as well. Sometimes (okay, a lot of times) I am a poor reflection of Him but I hope that my faults only shine light on the fact that God loves us anyway & takes us as we are. We don't have to "clean ourselves up" for Him. Everyone's messed up. I'm definitely no exception. In the famous words of DC Talk: "I am the chief of sinners."
Sometimes I think some of my Christian friends even think I talk about God too much, but again I don't care. My intention behind my God-obsessed convos is not that of a "holier-than-thou" stance, but to remind myself of who the LORD is & who I am in Him. Also, as mentioned in the previous bullet, so that others can see Him working in my life. I <3 Jesus!
I've always struggled with prayer. No matter how in love I am with Jesus it's always been difficult. I'm talking to an unseen God. My mind wanders. I get distracted easily. However, this past week God has been drawing me into prayer & I can't resist. I have been enjoying praying & have been doing it pretty consistently throughout the days this week.
I'm really excited about some stuff, but I can't talk about it right now so you'll just have to be curious I guess. If you feel you have to know what I'm talking about, you will have to email me directly or call me. That's the only way I'm telling.
As the end of our CA stint draws nigh, I am sad. How am I gonna function without the only church I've ever loved? Maria said once that she's been a Christian since she was 12 but has never loved a church she attended. If it wasn't for RockHarbor, I'd be right there with her. I don't have high hopes of finding another church that I'll feel the same for. I'm also really gonna miss all of our friends out here. Only about another 16 weeks left in Cali.
I really want to go to Waco. I haven't been there in a year now & it's about time I scheduled another trip. Maybe David Crowder will actually be home when I'm there next. He's usually on tour so I've never been able to see him at his church. I'd like to see my family again & I miss Jackie :(

I guess that's enough for now. Peace.

The Foolishness of God

2009-02-03T09:10:00.000-08:00

We're doing a series at church right now on I Corinthians & it has been amazing! It has been very encouraging & is feeding both my mind & soul well.

This past weekend, before the sermon we were shown a video taken earlier in the week. A few staff members from our church went to UCI & quietly set up a big wooden cross in the middle of campus. Then they proceeded to interview passerby-ers, asking what their thoughts & reactions were to seeing the cross. Nothing too forceful or intimidating, simply surveying. Not too far away there was another guy with a big sign that, sadly, displayed a message of condemnation. The old "turn-or-burn" tactic. Aaaand he was shouting at people as they walked by. Our camera guy caught some footage of passionate arguments between him & college students. At one point, our camera guy had heard enough & ran over to the other guy & started yelling over him, "FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD!" preaching a message of hope & love.

As Christ followers, we should definitely NOT try to apologize for Jesus & the reality of where a life without Him leads; Jesus wasn't apologetic about the Truth. But we should be cautious of how we go about sharing Jesus with others. It's the Good News for a reason. It's supposed to bring hope & peace. Screaming at people, telling them they're headed for hell is not going to make people hopeful or feel peace.

Anyway, if you want to listen to the latest sermon I encourage you to do so! It's long (almost 45 minutes), but Mike Erre will make it well worth your time. I promise! (Man, I'm gonna be so sad to leave RockHarbor.... I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about it right now.... & knots in my stomach.)

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." -- I Corinthians 1:18

Just When I Started Thinking I Actually Looked My Age...

2009-02-02T15:56:00.001-08:00

I was at the snack bar in Target today & had this conversation with an older lady as we were filling our drinks:

Lady: I thought that maybe you were just babysitting. [Smiles sweetly.]

Me: Oh, no [chuckling]. They're both mine.

Lady: Yes, I can tell by the way you look at them. You are so young.

Me: Well, I'm gonna be 27 in two weeks.

Lady: No you're not. Someone lied.

It's been a while since someone has said something like this to me, so I really appreciated it. I don't think 26 is old by a long shot -- heck, I don't even think my parents are old yet! -- but I always liked that people thought I was a teenager, fresh out of HS or possibly STILL in HS. The last time I was with my dad he indicated that I looked my age, so this exchange made me happy :)

Grandma

2009-01-29T09:35:00.001-08:00

Today marks the one year anniversary of my grandmother's death. I always thought she was a batty old lady but I still loved her very much. Of all my grandparents, she was the most present in my life so her death affected me more than others would or will. That isn't to say she meant more to me or that I loved her more than my other grandparents, her death just cut me a little deeper.

When I was 8, after my parents divorced, my mom moved me & my two brothers from Pensacola, FL to Waco, TX & we lived with my grandma for a couple of years. This is odd because she was my dad's mom. So we were living with my mom's ex-MIL. If I remember correctly, we lived with her until I started middle school, when we moved not too far away to some apartments on Hawthorne Dr. At some point, shortly after I started middle school & my dad & other mom returned to the states (they were stationed in Japan up until then), my grandma moved to MD to live with my parents & I only saw her a couple times a year when I went to visit.

Unfortunately I was living with her just as I started going through puberty & she thought it was okay to pinch my newly developing boobs. This memory still makes me cringe & feel a little queasy.

At 16 I moved to MD to live with my dad & other mom & thus, shared a home with my grandmother again. My boobs were completely developed at this time, but she still thought it was funny to pinch them. She mostly stayed in her room but would come out to either go to the bathroom or to complain about something. No one could hardly ever do anything right; her way was always better. Hmm. Sounds like a couple other people I know....

When Maria moved in with us a couple years later, just after high school, we girls had to use the downstairs bathroom since my grandmother used that one. In case she had to rush in to use the bathroom. Which almost always happened as one of us were in the shower. "I need to use the pot!" she would shout as she barged in there. Then she would get all spiritual "on the pot" & start saying things like, "Oh dear Jesus! Lordy, Lordy, Lordy! Help me LORD!" What tha?????? -- It was horrid at the time, but now that it's nearly a decade later, I laugh about it.

One time my mom had just steam cleaned the carpets & asked my grandma to stay in her room until they dried. My grandma couldn't wait so she tied plastic grocery bags around her feet so she could walk on the floor. The picture in my head is hilarious!

The woman was a living, walking, breathing comedy. The last time I saw her was January 5th, I believe it was, when she was in the hospital due to her pneumonia & stuff. This was a few months after I had miscarried & a couple of weeks after I learned I was pregnant again. Since it was a pretty gloomy moment, I thought I'd try to make it cheerful by announcing my pregnancy to her. Aunt Roseanne, Toni & I were all sitting there with her & I said, "Grandma, I just want to let you know that I'm pregnant again." She smiles, closes her eyes & whispers, "Don't have another miscarriage." Aunt Roseanne & Toni gasped & were in wide-eyed shock. Me, I just laughed. "Okay Grandma, I'll see what I can do." She smiles at me again & nods her head. hahahaha -- that'll never cease to be funny.

About a month later, during the wake of her funeral, I saw 2 of my cousins, Jaime & Wendy, who I hadn't seen in a very long time. I started telling them about the miscarriage & the new pregnancy when they stopped me & said, "Oh yeah, we heard. Grandma wrote about it in her Christmas cards." What????? I mean, how do you bring something like that up in a Christmas card?

Front of card: "Unto us a child is born..."

Inside of card, Grandma writes: "Hey, speaking of children being born, your cousin Amanda had a miscarriage. Merry Christmas! Love, Grandma"

Like I said, a batty old lady. A batty old lady who will always hold a special place in my heart. Miss you Grandma.

The Best Complaint Letter Ever

2009-01-28T22:23:00.001-08:00

I know I already Twittered this but it's too freaking funny! Jason & I couldn't stop laughing throughout the entire thing. My sides started hurting! I can't remember the last time I laughed this hard. Whooo-wheee!

Is This Indicative of His Future Career??

2009-01-28T09:47:00.000-08:00

Solomon has been romping around naked lately. He has decided he wants nothing more to do with clothes & takes them off as fast as I put them on him. Jason said this morning, "Maybe he's going to be a stripper when he grows up." Look out, Chippendales!

Solomon

2009-01-27T11:08:00.000-08:00

Sometimes my blogs are solely for me so that I may remember things. A journal of sorts. Today's entry is one of those times.

This morning I was carrying a large stack of board games upstairs (we played the other night when the Morenos spent the night) & Solomon says to me, "Careful Mommy!" It made me smile.

I'm amazed at how quickly his verbal skills are developing now compared to even a month ago. I remember last year thinking that he was going to struggle in that department. Boy did he prove me wrong! He says things that make me smile all the time. He's cute when he says, "Oh, gosh!" & "Aw, man!" When he hurts himself he says, "I hurt you! I hurt you!" (& yes he often says the same thing twice in a row.) He calls chicken "kicken" & tickle "kickle." Lightening McQueen from Cars is simply "Queen" -- "Waawatch Queen! Waawatch Queen!" Or "Wedgie Tales" hahaha! That cracks me up. "Queeb up" = Clean up.

Sometimes he tells us something is wrong to do. For instance, "No throw it! No throw it!" But then he throws it anyway. Or, "No kiss it! No kiss it!" & then he kisses our feet anyway. Gross! What is with this kid & feet?? It really bothers us. (I think he sees me kiss Charlotte's feet & now thinks this is acceptible behavior -- no matter how much we try to convince him otherwise.) What makes his "No" statements even better is that he waves a scolding finger at us. I would laugh at this but he usually does something immediately after the statement which really pisses me off. Like throwing food or a hard, rubber bouncy ball.

His smile melts my heart & his laugh is deep & sincere. So full of life. You can't help but laugh right along with him... even if it is because he spit his milk out all over him & his sister.

(I hate this picture of me, but I love this picture of us.)

Getting Pleasure From Another's Pain

2009-01-23T11:26:00.000-08:00

I really should not find pleasure in this news. It's from a month ago, but it still made me smile. The 39 cent thing made me laugh out loud.... literally.

Taming the Beast

2009-01-20T21:37:00.000-08:00

I have an anger problem. That should come as no surprise to those of you who know me. God has convicted me though (has been for years, but I'm pretty resistant) & He is slowly changing my heart. It's painful & less than enjoyable. But my desire is to live my life such that it points to Christ & in order to do that I have to submit myself wholly to Him.

Yikes.

I find much comfort & strength in the Word & I want to share with you a few passages to which God has directed me. I know I've been quoting the Bible a lot lately, but, you know, it ain't the Living Word for nothing.

Psalm 4:4 -- In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Selah
Psalm 37:8 -- Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.
Psalm 86:15 -- But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.
Proverbs 15:1 -- A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 29:11 -- A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.
Ecclesiastes 10:4b -- calmness can lay great errors to rest.
I Corinthians 13:4-8 -- Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Ephesians 4:26-27,30-32 -- "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. [30]And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Colossians 3:7-8,12-14 -- You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. [12]Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
James 1:19-21 -- My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

So there you have it folks. Anger in & of itself isn't really the problem, it's OK to be mad sometimes.... it's the sinning in that anger that God wants us to steer clear of.

I know this journey of anger recovery is going to be on a long, rocky road. It's gonna take time & it's gonna take practice. I need my brothers & sisters in Christ to help hold me accountable & gently, lovingly remind me as needed of my goal. I have to work hard to undo nearly 27 years of habitual behavior. Fortunately, my LORD is for me & I cannot fail. Praise be to God.

Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?

2009-01-17T21:22:00.000-08:00

I dunno why I've been thinking so much about death lately (more than usual, anyway). Maybe it's because we're in the wake of the anniversaries of several deaths: Josh, Jeremy, & my grandma (there are many more but these were the most significant to me).

My biggest fear is losing those closest to me, who I love most, but I do not fear death for myself. I guess it's actually kinda selfish... I don't want to live without them but I'm okay leaving them behind. Well, that's not entirely true. When I think about the possibility of leaving my husband & my kids behind while they are young it wrecks my heart & soul. I don't want to die anytime soon, but I am not afraid to do so. Sometimes, as days go by, I think, "I'm another day closer to being with my LORD." How can you be scared or sad when faced with that reality?? It's such a wonderful truth! I can't even begin to describe the joy I feel in my heart when I anticipate meeting Christ face to face.

Okay, I'm not being totally honest here again. There is something more frightening still than simply losing a loved one. Losing a loved one who doesn't know Christ. As I grow in my relationship with Him & come to know Him better, I'm baffled that there are people who are not as compelled by Christ as I am. My desire is for all of my loved ones (but this desire is certainly not limited to my loved ones!) to know Jesus & the power of His Love. If a person would take the time to investigate, it is impossible to not find Christ because all truth is God's truth. All roads following truth lead to Him. To quote my all-time favorite band (yes, again!), mewithoutYou, "I used to wonder where You are - these days I can't find where You're not!"

For the person who is in relationship with the LORD, death is nothing to fear. "Death is not a period, but a comma in the story of life," Amos Traver. I Corinthians 15 is an awesome passage on the Ressurection & toward the end, in verse 55, Paul quotes Hosea 13:14 & sort of taunts death (see blog title). People, God won, death is conquered! When my baby brother Josh died, I found comfort in another one of Paul's epistles, I Thessalonians 4:13-18. Do not grieve like the rest of men who have no hope. I have hope. Praise God that I have that hope.

I want to end my thoughts with one of my favorite worship songs which reminds me of the hope I have in Christ. May it stir up hope in you too:

Catching Up!

2009-01-04T20:42:00.000-08:00

Wow. It's been a while since I blogged... from Christmas until today we've been crazy busy as J's parents were in town. Christmas was pretty fun with Solomon this year (& I'm sure it'll be even MORE fun next year when he has a better grasp of what all's going on); he opened just about everyone's gifts & was delighted to do so. We had a nice, quiet family Christmas in the morning which I was so happy about. This was our first Christmas for just our own little family (not that I don't enjoy big Christmases with our families, but it's very special when you get to focus on your family alone). Here are a few pics from Christmas morning (I'll be posting more on FB later):

Solomon giving Charlotte her doll from Aunt Maria.

Solomon opening his AquaDoodle.

Solomon "helping" Daddy assemble his Sit-n-Spin.

Later J's parents arrived from MD & Jon & Molly came over for dinner.

Charlotte & Pop-pop.

Solomon & Vóvó.

Family photo with our sad, little Christmas tree behind us. (Please ignore my horrible hair -- I didn't style it very well that day. I promise it looks a lot better than this.)

A few days after Christmas we received word that Grandma Stagno, my FIL's mother, had passed away, so he left for Boston the next day for the funeral, leaving my MIL behind (he said he felt that it was too close to the anniversary of Jeremy's death for Jewel to handle going to the funeral & insisted that she stay). Ed seems to be coping with everything okay; Jason was never really close to her so it didn't affect us much, just felt bad for Ed. She was 95 so she had a nice, long life.

A week ago I discovered that I really do like football. I absolutely hated it prior to last Sunday.... so much so that I would not let Jason watch it. EVER. I know, I know... I'm a horrible wife. Guess he lucked out now. I thoroughly enjoyed watching the Ravens crush their opponents, especially today (suck it, Dolphins!!). I'm even a little sad that I can't watch them play again until Saturday, & since we'll be in Vegas I'm not sure we'll get to catch that game. GO RAVENS!!!

Anyhoo, so as you all know, J & I were praying & deliberating during the holiday season to determine where we will move to next. Jason actually created a spreadsheet & made a mathematical calculation to assist us in the matter (I <3 my dork). The numbers have spoken &
we are moving here. I feel good about this decision & believe this is where we're supposed to be.

I guess that's all I have for now as far as updates go. Hope everyone had a very merry Xmas & a happy New Year!!

Bad Hair Day

2008-12-21T19:16:00.000-08:00

Why do I insist on having short hair? I look like a 12 year old boy with estrogen issues. I showed the girl how I wanted my hair cut.... she cut it much shorter.... perhaps I wouldn't care as much if my bangs were longer. Oh well, at least it'll grow out.

My Santa Dilemma

2008-12-17T12:39:00.000-08:00

Long, long ago, B.C., I decided I did not want to teach my kids that Santa is real. He is not the reason we celebrate Christmas & our culture has over glorified him. I don't mind my kids learning about the origins of Santa & what he represents, but I never had a desire to allow them to believe he truly exists.

Until the other day.

I was wrapping Christmas gifts, writing "From Mommy & Daddy" over & over again. Not a single one "From Santa." Guilt swept over me, like I was stealing some sort of Christmas magic from my kids' childhood. The anticipation of Santa's visit, trying to stay up late enough to catch a glimps; baking cookies for him on Christmas Eve; the amazement that Santa knew exactly what I wanted for Christmas. I don't remember feeling betrayed or terribly disappointed when I discovered he wasn't real as some children do. I remember how I found out though.... I found all our gifts in my parents' closet.

I still hate the thought of allowing my kids to believe in Santa though! I don't know how to reconcile my feelings. I emailed our pastor about it to get his opinion but haven't heard back from him yet (he gets bombarded with emails everyday so it's totally understandable). I'm not really worried about it this Christmas but next year it'll be a different story since Solomon will be old enough to grasp the concept. At least I have another 365 days from this Christmas to the next to figure out what I'm gonna do!!

Dear Mr. UPS Guy,

2008-12-16T13:18:00.000-08:00

If you ever come a knockin' on my door in such a loud, hostile way, accompanied by nonstop doorbell ringing, again (I didn't even keep you waiting! I came to the door immediately upon the first rap!) between the hours of 12 & 2 pm, be prepared to get punched in the nose.

Sincerely,
Me

Mr. Clean

2008-12-11T15:45:00.000-08:00

I make chores a privilege for Solomon. If he's misbehaving then he doesn't get to sweep or vacuum. It's torture for him when I don't allow him to help me clean. I hope he's like that for the rest of his life.

Good Day/Bad Day

2008-12-10T20:09:00.000-08:00

Today Solomon & I played with pens, markers & Play-doh.... he didn't even try to eat any of it! I'd say that makes today a good day. He only wanted to make the letter "P" with the Play-doh though. Not sure what that was about. We also learned about & experimented with mixing colors to create new ones but he wasn't quite as interested in that.

On the other hand, today was a bad day for my sweet baby girl as she is sick. That makes me so sad :( She's so pitiful with her runny nose, watery eyes & hoarse cough. We all have a doctor's appointment tomorrow; it's supposed to be a well visit for Charlotte but I think they'll change it to sick & make me bring her back next week.

Honey!!

2008-12-08T10:14:00.000-08:00

Solomon has been calling us by our names, "Jason!" & "Nina!" (he apparently can't pronounce my name yet). If we don't respond to him, he then calls us, "Honey!!" This amuses me.

I Have a Confession

2008-12-04T14:33:00.000-08:00

I'm so embarrassed that I'm about to admit this to the Internet world: I am totally head-over-heels infatuated with Zachary Levi. I'm suddenly a 13 year old girl! It's like my JTT days all over again (minus the poster collaged walls). Okay, okay.... I'm exaggerating.... A LITTLE. I don't think about him 24/7 or anything like that. I had always thought he was attractive, but then I learned he was a Christian & he won my heart. AHHH! I'm a fan-girl!! I'm so embarrassed that I'm in love with a celebrity!

Solomon Quips

2008-12-03T09:28:00.000-08:00

Funny things Solomon says:

"Chardotte" -- we think it's funny that he can't say the "L" in her name but has no problem saying it in other words, such as "Elmo" or "Apple."
"Fruit [s]nack, nummy, nummy" -- Solomon's version of The Wiggles' "Fruit salad, yummy, yummy."
"No hit!" -- after I popped his hand for throwing food. He was so serious about it too, waiving a scolding finger at me & furrowing his brows.
"Curr you" -- Scare you (if we scare him or if he scares us.... really anytime someone is startled)
"Rock-uh-beep-beep" -- Rock-a-by-baby
"Zupple" -- puzzle (he often mixes up letters in words like this)

He says other funny things too but I can't think of any more at the moment. I'll do another quips post another time.

Turn or Burn, Sinners!

2008-11-18T00:21:00.001-08:00

I just want to preface this post by saying that I had no intention of it being this long. I simply couldn't stop rambling... my mind was racing & I was just putting it all out there.

I don't really feel that I relate much to the Religious Right & some of the self-righteous pomp that goes with it, but.... On second thought, let me start over.... I feel that maybe I still relate too much & would love nothing more than to be free of such attitudes. I like to believe that I'm not a judgmental, holier-than-thou person but sometimes I say & do things that prove just the opposite. It actually makes me sick to my stomach to think about it. Blah (that's the sound of me barfing).

I started this post on the 16th & only completed the preceding paragraph before calling it quits; I thought my head was going to explode from thinking about this so much & trying to articulate what exactly it is I wanted to say. I tell you this because I want you to know that the issue was already heavy on my heart when I got an 850 Words of RELEVANT article tonight. God might as well have been yelling in my face. I know He is using it to confirm my thoughts & through that mold me; you know, "Break me down & build me back up again." (I <3 Denison Marrs.) Charles tells me I'm too dependent on Relevant mag, but I'm OK with that so here it is (I totally would've preferred linking it rather than copying & pasting it -- it makes my blog too long -- but I couldn't locate it on Relevant's site. I highlighted the parts where God was yelling at me.):

A Treaty To End Culture Wars
By RELEVANT (no single author listed)

We’ve been known for boycotting Disney, decrying the Teletubbies and rallying behind pet legislation. Christianity and the culture wars have been synonymous now for a long time. When it comes to media attention, Christians most often seem to get it for something we’re against. The last few decades of the Church seem to be ones in which we’ve taken an adversarial relationship to the culture around us. We’ve spearheaded protests, boycotts and letter-writing campaigns. If Christians are against it, we’ve done a decidedly good job of making the public aware of it. It seems we have made it our mission to loudly denounce those things in society that don’t match our worldview, and find ways to pressure the culture into rejecting them. As such, evangelical Christianity has developed a reputation in society for being angry, boorish and self-righteous.

Yet, should Christianity be engaged in these culture wars? Is it our lot to remake the world in God’s image? The answer is, of course, a resounding yes. It is absolutely our role to stand against the tide of culture and to be a clarion voice for God in the midst of darkness. The problem is, we often go about it all wrong.

Without a doubt, we are called to stand apart from culture. Paul admonishes us, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2). The life Christ calls us to is one of being countercultural, and of spreading the Kingdom of God throughout the culture around us.

What does it mean, though, to be countercultural? Does it mean that we organize protests or pen invective letters to the FCC for some sitcom’s latest grievous offense? If we follow the standard Christ set, it is a much deeper calling than that. When Christ speaks of being countercultural, it looks so much more revolutionary and bizarre than merely fighting for legalistic ideals. The picture Christ paints is of a peculiar people who confuse the culture around them by being so utterly different. Whereas our society worships status, we are to be servants to all. When the culture tells us we have to seek fortune, we hold material goods lightly and give all we have to the poor. If prevailing public opinion says that we should lie to get ahead, we cherish honesty and keep any oath we take. Where cynicism and pessimism pervade those around us, we are agents of constant hope and tireless faith.

Ultimately, though, the absolute most countercultural role a Christian can take is that of truly loving our enemies rather than treating them to our usual show of angry saber-rattling. This is hard for a people who have spent so much time viewing those who would tear down God’s Kingdom with such vitriol. But Jesus did not suggest this—He commanded it. He told us: "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you” (Matthew 5:38-42).

This is a revolution born not of anger or discord, but of unmitigated love. It is one that confounds culture by showing resilient mercy and charity at times when it makes the least sense to do so. How would society be impacted if, instead of staging counter-protests when we disagree with a group of pro-abortion demonstrators, we showed up and served them in humility and love? What kind of reputation would we gain if we quietly showed love to our homosexual neighbors instead of putting signs in our yard touting our political views on their relationship?

Are we at war with the culture? Yes. But we’ve been fighting the wrong battle. Ours is not a war of taking shots at things we deem offensive to the public sensibility. It is one of standing against the tide of selfishness, wrath, vainglory and cynicism that surrounds us. It is a battle of refusing to be swept up in the idea of consumerism. Of fighting the concept that we should avenge every wrong done to us. Of taking up arms against our culture’s mindset that the rich, famous and powerful are to be admired and the poor despised. This is a war of loving our enemies, praying for those who persecute us and speaking God’s abiding truth with genuine compassion for those whose ears it falls upon. Now is not the time to back away from a fight. It’s time to actually engage the true enemy.

I guess I started hearing God on this matter, more clearly anyway, when He rebuked me for some angry words I recently said to a complete stranger. I hate hearing "those" Christians get all high-n-mighty on others. I'm one of "those" Christians! BLAH!!!! (me, barfing again.) I remember a trip to San Antonio with my dad when I was really young, preteen years I think. And there was this street preacher across the street from the Alamo screaming at people as they walked by, "You're going the wrong way! Jesus is the way!" & some other crazy things. Of course, no one was paying him any mind. He looked & sounded like a lunatic. Even at such a young age I recognized this guy was going about it all the wrong way. I felt so strongly about this that I actually aproached him to tell him what I thought! I told him that he was just scaring people away from Jesus! He brushed me off & used Philip (the Evangelist, not the Apostle) to validate his actions, saying that Philip was a street preacher. I said I doubted Philip yelled at people like he was doing. I was just a kid so he didn't really care what I had to say. (On a lighter note, Jason does an awesome street preacher impersonation, which is where I got this post's title -- it's hysterical!)

Anyway, so I'm baffled myself that I realized the dangers of harshly pointing out specks in others eyes as a child, yet I continue to do it today. I am no better than people who use the LORD's name in vain. I am no better than murderers or child molesters. I have hate in my heart, just like the next guy. I'm so quick to cry out, "Sinners!" to others, all the while forgetting that I'm in the same boat.

I once heard a pastor say that Christians often take the victim stance. The world is persecuting us; poor us. Boo, hoo, hoo. We should, however, remember that we are on the winning side. I mean, like Paul says in Romans 8, "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (v31) Back in '95 Audio Adrenaline told the world that they can't take God away from us. We shouldn't feel threatened, therefore we shouldn't retaliate in anger to stupid things (i.e. using the LORD's name in vain). There are better ways to go about it than spewing angry, hateful words to the people we are supposed to be trying to win over for Christ in the first place. Hate is certainly not going to accomplish that.

I hate that I am judgmental. I hate that I am hateful. I so badly want to be a loving person toward every person I come into contact with. I want people to want Christ because of me. I don't want to give them more reasons to turn away from Him. One of my favorite passages in the Bible is Romans 7:7-25:
7What shall we say, then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, "Do not covet." 8But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous desire. For apart from law, sin is dead. 9Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. 10I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death.

11For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. 12So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good. 13Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful.

14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Thank you, Paul! That is exactly what I've been trying to say all night!

To my Brothers & Sisters reading this: please, please, PLEASE pray for me in this matter. Pray that the LORD will continue to work on this problem in me & free me from its bondage. Pray that my character will be a more accurate reflection of Christ's character. Pray that His Love overcomes my hate.

(I am so tired right now, I'm not even sure this all makes sense. I'll probably wake up tomorrow, reread this entry & realize that I'm a blabbering idiot. Oh well, at least I got it off my chest! If you've read to this point, thanks for hanging in there :P )

Gabe

2008-11-07T20:57:00.000-08:00

On August 22, 2004 we welcomed you & Lucy into our family. You didn't really like us at first & kept your distance. But over time you started to grow fond of us & with that the distance between you & us began to shrink. First you would at least be in the same room as us, then you would want to be within reach & eventually you loved to cuddle.... a little :) You were an awesome, laid back kitty & everyone favored you over Lucy (because, as we all know, she is an attention whore which gets really annoying after about 5 minutes). We affectionately called you "fat ass" because, well, you were. A 16lb purring fur ball, you outweighed Solomon for at least the first 3, maybe 4 months of his life! Solomon loved to play with you & you were amazingly patient with his batting & fur-pulling & attempts at riding you like a horse. It was probably mostly due to your laziness & refusal to run away from him, but either way you were very tolerant of him! Any time we scratched your back, at the base of your tail, you geeked out & gnawed on your front paw (or Lucy if she was close enough). It seemed to irritate you but we thought it was funny, hehe :)

I am sorry we didn't realize you were so sick sooner.... I hope you weren't suffering for too long before we noticed. It was a difficult decision to put you down but we knew it had to be done as we didn't want you to continue to be in pain. You lived a long, good life & you were loved greatly. I will miss feeling your sandpaper-y tongue on my ankles when I get out of the shower. I will miss your big, green owl-like eyes & your deep, manly purr. Every cat should be as cool as you were. We love you & will miss you. So long, friend.

Our Beloved Gabers
1994 - 11/6/08

The Obama Llama Song

2008-11-05T18:16:00.000-08:00

A friend sent this video to me. I couldn't stop laughing. Or replaying it. Solomon couldn't stop gleefully dancing -- "Again, agian!" he shouted.

The FLYing Isn't Going So Well

2008-11-04T10:04:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to FLY since September but I haven't been able to really start. I keep finding things to successfully interfere with it. Seriously though, how hard can doing ONE task for only FIFTEEN MINUTES be?? I ordered a feather duster & rubba scrubba yesterday. I've read so many fantastic things about each & am hoping they will help motivate me. I always feel so overwhelmed thinking about housework which causes me to stay put in the place where I am. Then there's the kids issue..... it's hard to accomplish things with a toddler getting in to everything while you aren't closely watching or demanding your undivided attention! I do sit in front of the computer a lot so I could easily walk away & do something else, but at least I can keep an eye on Solomon from here better than I could if I were in the kitchen or bathroom. Also, when I am working on something, i.e. paper clutter, he tries to help & ends up making bigger messes. It's just easier for me to NOT do anything. I tell myself I'll do it during nap time or after he's in bed for the night, but I'm too tired myself at those times. Maybe I should cut myself some slack since I DO have a two month old, but I still feel like I'm making excuses. I also kinda don't care about this stupid apartment we're in. It's crappy student housing (don't get me wrong -- I definitely appreciate the cheapness of it!) & we'll only be here for 8 more months. They'll replace the carpet & repaint after we leave. Another problem is we've outgrown this apartment & lack storage space. Jason thinks that if I haven't used it the past 4 or 5 years then it's safe to say I don't need it anymore & I should just get rid of it. But I think that maybe I will find places or uses for things when we have more room. I think we should keep it until we move into a bigger place & if I find I'm still not using certain items, then yes, I'll trash it or give it away. My poor time management skill doesn't help either. If I could stick to the schedule in my Control Journal, then everything would be peachy keen. Well, let's see what happens when my tools come in. I'll let you know how it turns out....

A Last Word On Voting, By Adam Smith [850 Words of RELEVANT]

2008-11-03T21:23:00.000-08:00

I get weekly emails from Relevant magazine, 850 Words of RELEVANT, & tonight it was about voting. I highlighted bits & pieces that really stood out to me or that I found particularly meaningful. It's a great article:

Politics is a sticky business. Every four years, the American public is given rhetoric from both sides of the spectrum, each painting an idealistic view of a hopeful future, an America that represents the light of the world. Each party claims their platform has a monopoly on attaining this goal. Tomorrow’s presidential election, in particular, has deeply divided Americans.

It’s not just the candidates that give Christians pause. Indeed, the entire political process has become so polarized and vitriolic that some have begun to question its very foundation [emphasis mine]. Shane Claiborne and Chris Haw, authors of Jesus for President, were so disturbed by the way they saw Christians drawing political battle lines that they embarked on a cross-country tour to tell people about a different vision for political engagement."

It started around the last election,” Claiborne says. “To vote or not to vote—that was the question. How do we engage the political conversation? We wanted to think deeply and theologically about it as Christians—how to engage or disengage, or appropriately engage. There was an inherent—and I think, healthy—suspicion about putting all of our hope in one day, or one vote, or one candidate or party[emphasis mine].”

The very nature of the campaign process, Haw believes, should give Christians pause. “The current state of voting involves a very serious hurdle that Christians must see as a red flag, which is the whole question of coercion,” he says. “You have this idea of a tug of war going on publicly. It appears very hard for me as a Christian, with the precepts of Jesus and the way He views His enemies and friends, to jump in on one side of the tug of war and then be happy if you’ve pulled your tug of war in one direction and say, ‘We’re glad we beat you other guys.’” [emphasis mine]

Claiborne and Haw are very clear that they would not unequivocally encourage Christians to abstain from voting, merely to prayerfully consider the best course of action for them and to follow their conviction. “We’re very careful not to say, ‘Don’t vote,’” Claiborne says. “Think very critically. Pray. Study Scripture. Whatever you do, do it with fear and trembling, with our neighbors in mind, with the poor in mind, with kids in Iraq in mind.” [emphasis mine]

Claiborne feels that Christians who do choose to vote can embody the ideals of both parties. “One of the things I love about Jesus is that He’s never telling people exactly what to do—or if He does, it’s different for two different people,” he says. “There are a lot of different ways people are going to respond. I think one of the mistakes the Religious Right made was telling people exactly what to do.” [emphasis mine]

Ultimately, how can we chart a new course? How can we see society transformed when we have to be wary of involvement in the system? Claiborne and Haw believe that the importance lies in keeping our perspective. “There are a lot of models in Scripture,” Claiborne says. “There are prophets who are on the margins. There are prophets in the royal court. One of the tricky things is to maintain the peculiarity and the distinctiveness of being a Christian.”

This peculiarity can indeed be difficult to maintain when we thrust ourselves into being active participants in a two-party system, when neither party fully upholds the ethics of Christ. However, Claiborne believes Christians can work within the system as long as they remain unwilling to sacrifice certain principles.“ [emphasis mine]

For those of us working legislatively, we can’t compromise on things like, ‘We’re going to beat our swords into plowshares,’” he says. “That’s what we’re called to, and to bless the poor and meek. If we don’t hear any of these parties saying something that embodies that, then we don’t put our hand in with it [emphasis mine]. There are a number of ways you can call that. You can work for the Kingdom of God and align yourself with whatever seems to move us closer to that. It’s possible to say we’re also going to interrupt with grace and humility whatever seems to be standing in the way of the reign of God.”

Part of that perspective is not canonizing one candidate while vilifying the other. [emphasis mine] “You can quote both Republicans and Democrats who have had that triumphalism and messiah complex,” Claiborne says. “We’re ultimately not thinking that this person is our savior or the source of real change for the world.”

In fact, much of Claiborne and Haw’s mission has been to deflate the idea that one candidate or party symbolizes hope for society [emphasis mine]. What people do with that message, Claiborne believes, is up to them and their convictions. “We’re inviting people to think,” he says. “Some folks go out and organize for one of the candidates. Others say, ‘We’re going to write in Jesus.’ Ultimately, [we hope] whatever they do is seeking first the Kingdom of God and embodying their politics with their lives rather than just trusting in a single candidate or a single politician to change the world for them. We vote every day with our lives. We vote every day with our feet, our hands, our lips and our wallets. Ultimate change does not just happen one day every four years." [emphasis mine]

I Voted

2008-11-01T18:25:00.000-07:00

Did my vote-by-mail ballot today. My opinion has been shared; my voice has been heard. Please stop leaving your automated voice messages on my answering machine asking me to vote for so-and-so or against that Prop or for that Measure. Don't bother me again for another 4 years.

Writing This Now So I Can Laugh About It Later

2008-10-25T13:24:00.001-07:00

So I put Solomon down for his nap around 11:45. I could hear him running around in his room but thought, "Well, the later he falls asleep, the later he'll wake up, the more quiet time for me." About a half hour, maybe 45 minutes later I heard the toilet flush. I went upstairs to find him in the bathroom naked & reeking of poop. The diaper was no where to be found in the general vicinity but decided it was more important to bathe him & get him back to bed before looking for it. Once I got him situated (& the second gate up -- my first mistake was not bothering with that to begin with) I began my hunt for the poopy diaper. I found it in our room. Only there was no poop in it.

Poopy bottom + non-poopy diaper = poop somewhere else.

The pile was on our bedroom floor, but it didn't stop there. Oh no, it kept going. It was smeared on our closet door, the comforter & all over our sheets. I cleaned up the mess & hopped in the shower. While I was in there I could hear loud thuds just outside the door. I knew he couldn't have gotten out with the door being double gated so I could only conclude he was throwing stuff. What, I didn't know. He got into the diaper changing cabinet (again! Why have I not installed those stupid locks yet??) & was throwing the little bottles of soap & stuff over the gate. I gathered all the items & put them in my room & sent him back to bed.

A few minutes later I heard a loud thud upstairs. I went back up & he had somehow reached the lotion on the top of the diaper changing table (how the heck did he reach that??). It was splattered all over the carpet & few spots elsewhere & Solomon was rubbing globs of it on his fresh shirt that I had just put on him! (Coincidentally it was his "Mr. Messy" shirt.) "Losin," he kept repeating to me while lubricating his shirt.

If only I had already installed the cabinet locks. If only I had I double gated the door. When will I learn???

New Bedtime Routine?

2008-10-25T06:59:00.000-07:00

Last night I went into Solomon's room to check on him before I went to bed. Lately he's been turning his lamp on before he goes to sleep, so I go in there to cover him up & turn the light off. When I went in, I found he had gotten into the cabinet of the changing table & pulled out all the bottles (soap, diaper cream, baby oil, etc.); he then stacked the little bottles on top of the bigger bottles, making towers out of them. I guess since he didn't have his Duplo blocks available he decided to improvise.

Baby Talk

2008-10-24T08:24:00.001-07:00

When Charlie coos I often "converse" with her. I say things like, "Oh yeah?" or "Ya' don't say" & so on. This morning she was talking & gargling which prompted Solomon to turn to her & say, "Oh yeah?" I thought it was funny.

LORD Beer Me Strength (if you don't get the reference, I am sorry for you)

2008-10-22T21:34:00.000-07:00

Jason left for Maryland this morning for a couple of post doc interviews & I will be with the kids by myself for the next week. I'm a little nervous about that. Today wasn't so bad. Solomon was good all day until later in the afternoon; I sat down to nurse Charlotte & he started jumping on the couch right next to us. He isn't allowed to do that of course, but I was clearly in no position to really stop him. And he knew it. Despite my efforts to hold him back with one arm, he managed to bonk Charlotte on her head. Twice. After the second time she was nearly inconsolable so I sought refuge in my bedroom behind a locked door. I knew Solomon would be so upset that I was in there with her & assumed he would whine & throw a tantrum at my door until I came out. He did as I expected.... for about 2 minutes. Then it got really quiet. Any mother knows that quiet is not a good sign. When I came out of my room he was sitting at the bottom of the stairs, throwing cat food. He dumped their water dispenser all over the floor & what was left in the bowl was full of soggy food. He also took 3 of my nativity figurines & tossed them into one of the litter pans. Argh!! I tossed him in the bathtub & scrubbed him down, put him in a clean diaper & put him in his room with the gate up so I could clean up his mess. While I was preparing to clean, Lucy ate some of the soggy food from the water & proceeded to immediately barf it all back up all over the stairs. Awesome. Once I got everything back in order (more than a half hour later!) I went to get Solomon & found that he had taken off his diaper & threw it over the gate. Fortunately he hadn't pooped or peed anywhere. Thank the LORD! I was in no mood to clean another mess!

In other today news: Remember that beautiful mug I made from a couple of posts ago? Well the first time I used it I noticed the coffee was staining the inside. A spot was missed during the glazing process & the ceramic was absorbing the coffee like a sponge. I took it back up there yesterday so they could reglaze it & it was finished today so I returned to pick it up again. I should've checked it before I left the store, but the kids were in the car & I didn't feel comfortable leaving them in there so I was in a hurry to get out. (Solomon loves to play with the breakables when we're in there, hence they were left in the car.) When I got home I checked it & the missed spot was STILL unglazed!! Now I have to take it back AGAIN tomorrow! I'm sure it's no one's fault in particular, but it's frustrating nonetheless. I've been looking forward to this mug since before Charlie was born! I can't wait until it's finished!!

Because Solomon's Pics Greatly Outnumber Hers...

2008-10-20T13:05:00.000-07:00

Don't wanna leave Charlie out! :)

Mmmmm, ink. Yummy....

2008-10-20T13:00:00.000-07:00

The result of my allowing Solomon to use markers this morning. They must've been pretty tasty:

Does anyone else hear "Thriller" playing in the background of this photo?

Punkin Head

2008-10-20T12:37:00.000-07:00

We carved our first jack-o-lantern as a family on Sunday. Solomon loved pulling out the pulp (what boy wouldn't??)! It actually turned out very nicely, considering I can't remember the last time I carved a pumpkin. Here are some pics (sorry if you guys are getting tired of all the pictures :) ) of the activity:

These are some pics I took trying out this cool idea I found in Family Fun magazine. Mine didn't turn out nearly as well as the ones in the mag, but I think they still look pretty neat:

Apple Days Festival 2008

2008-10-19T21:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we went to Julian with Jon & Molly to spend the day. Julian is a teeny tiny town, about an hour east/north east of San Diego, & is known for its apple orchards. It only has one main street, Main Street, oddly enough, on which many of the buildings are the original ones built in the 1800's. Very old, wild west vibe. We first stopped at Julian Mining Company because it offered the most activities of all the orchards listed. Turned out to be really lame so we left. Then we walked around on Main Street, stopping in the general store & a couple other places & Solomon & Jason went on a horse ride. After lunch we bought a delicious apple pie & then headed over to Apple Starr Orchards. We spent about an hour picking our own apples & pears. Solomon kept picking up the rotten ones from the ground & putting them in our bag -- we let him & then threw them out when he wasn't looking :) Here are a few pics from the trip:

Could This Truly Be The End of Bedtime Battles??

2008-10-17T13:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I bought a gate for Solomon's bedroom door so he couldn't run out anymore (got the idea from Sue's blog :) ). It is taller than our other gate & sturdy plastic, with smaller holes, so I thought it would be impossible for him to crawl over it. Well, I was wrong. He could still climb over. Jason tried locking it in the door frame a few inches above the floor to add height. Again, he still escaped. Fed up I went & got our other gate & locked it in above the plastic one -- it was like a toddler prison cell, but it worked! Once he realized there was no way around it this time, he finally retreated to bed & didn't make another peep. I didn't put the second gate up at nap time today & he actually stayed in bed anyway. Yippee!! Maybe this is the answer! :)

Cup o' Charlie

2008-10-16T23:53:00.001-07:00

Artistic ability is most definitely NOT one of my gifts, but I am so proud of this piece work I wanted to share it! I messed up her right hand a little (too high up & smudged a bit); the flowers are all freehand. It took about 3 hours & was very difficult with a newborn, but well worth it :)

Feeling Overwhelmed

2008-10-15T19:38:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling kinda miserable tonight & just want to cry. Perhaps it's due to the fact I have not been taking my Zoloft daily (the doc said I should stay on it until Charlie is sleeping through the night). It's just been a shitty evening.

And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. - Paul, Philippians 4:19

2008-10-14T18:17:00.001-07:00

Sunday morning when Jason & I were walking out the door to go to the airport, we opened the door to find an Albertson's bag sitting on our porch with two packs of diapers & a $100 VISA gift card. There was no card or note indicating who it was from. My guess is that it was a close friend. I mean, who else would be that generous?? I certainly don't go around giving acquaintances $100. Trevin said he thought it would be pretty cool if I never found out who it was, which I agreed with but it also drives me crazy to not know! I would like to thank the person for their gift, but I'm sure they know we appreciate it greatly. I'm going to do a little investigating to see if I can figure it out, but I'm not going to push too hard in case the person wanted to remain anonymous (maybe they were practicing this). Either way, I thank the LORD for providing for us through that person. Even during these financially tough times for us, He has continued to show His faithfulness to us (i.e. flexible spending accounts, economic stimulus, Sue, family, friends -- & countless other ways). My heart overflows with gratitude.

Today Must Be Punishment For Having Grown-up Fun Yesterday

2008-10-12T18:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was so much fun! It's been a while since I've been able to go out & enjoy a party (& booze) child-free. It was our friend Dave's birthday & we were celebrating his 31st & his friend Claire's 29th -- it was a "Not-So-Average, Average 30th Birthday Party." The day started with 12 of us taking a dinghy around the Balboa Peninsula in Newport Beach, enjoying homemade pomegranate sangria, homemade hummus & great people having great conversation (topics ranging from t.v. shows to travel to breastfeeding, which is funny to me seeing as how I was the only person there who has ever breastfed). After the boat ride we went to Claire & her husband's house for dinner where more people joined the party. A lot of Rock Band was played, which was cool; Jason & I had never seen or played it before. Jason absolutely LOVED it! I'd like to get it for him for his birthday, but probably shouldn't because it's pretty pricey.

While we were there I met another mom (we actually met 2 years earlier, while we were both pregnant with our first children), Amy. Our older children were born two months apart & her second child was born 2 days after Charlie. We talked sooo much; it was fantastic talking to someone who totally related to me. I really need that conversation! She gave me her contact info so we could get together & have play dates for the children, & grown-up time for us!

So on to my nightmare that is today: BOTH children were up A LOT in the middle of the night. I actually had to go sleep in Solomon's bed with him because he wouldn't stay there. Then I had to get up early & take Jason to the John Wayne airport at 7am, come home, & take my mom to the Long Beach airport an hour later. On the way home Solomon started whining & saying "owie!" I thought it was due to the sun shining right in his eyes, but then he hiccupped & burped at the same time which sounded really liquidy. I was terrified he was going to barf in the car. He eventually fell asleep & woke up when we got home. Perfect. Enough of a nap to interfere with his regular nap. Since he was so tired he had tantrum after tantrum. I thought I was going to pull my hair out. When I finally got him down for a nap, I ate my lunch & had planned to go take a nap. But Charlie wouldn't let me. By the time she did let me go to sleep Solomon woke up 10 minutes later. All afternoon, Solomon was cranky. I tried taking him to the playground but he just wanted to run away, so I brought him back home & we were stuck in the house the rest of the day. Both kids were screaming & crying throughout the evening. When I put Solomon down for the night, he kept getting out of bed. After nearly two hours of this I called Jason, literally crying because I couldn't take it anymore. Of course he couldn't do anything about it but I needed someone! Solomon finally went to sleep 3 hours into our head-to-head battle. How can the boy I love the most in the whole world be the same one that makes me want to run away from home??

Hermit Living

2008-10-09T08:35:00.000-07:00

Jason & I went on a date to the movies last night (Ghost Town -- great movie!) & I was surprised to see that the menu boards at the concession stand were digital tv screens. Jason said, "Man, you really haven't been to the movies in a while! It's been like this for at least a year!" In addition to that, they apparently let you take in outside foods & beverages; we walked right in with Starbucks in hand! I insisted the coffee was a bad idea but he said he does it all the time.

Yep. I haven't been to a movie in a theater in nearly a year & a half. Because I'm the one who stays home with Solomon while Jason goes with his friends. Even if I did have an opportunity to go to the movies with my friends, I wouldn't because, I'm the one who gets up at the asscrack of dawn with the children. (Sorry if the slight bit of resentment is detectable -- it's kinda hard to hide.)

At least my first venture to a movie theater in a year & a half was worth while -- I would've been really upset if I had wasted the chance on an awful movie.

No Personal Space

2008-10-08T09:46:00.000-07:00

This morning while Jason was taking a shower, he was washing his face & when he opened his eyes Solomon was standing in the shower with him, fully clothed. He didn't make a sound or say a word; just hopped right in.

I Love Animals -- They Taste Great!

2008-10-07T11:38:00.000-07:00

Jason came home from a men's retreat Sunday afternoon & announced he wanted us to try vegetarianism for a month. Someone gave him the notion that cutting meat out of his diet would help with his fatigue. I told him hell no. I would be willing to cut back on my meat intake, but I refuse to cut it out entirely.

Only an hour or two had passed since this conversation when Jason then told me to use ground beef in place of spinach in the lasagna rolls as he was tired of spinach.

And Trevin says women are fickle!....

2008-10-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

A Toddler's Perspective On Breastfeeding

Sometimes when I'm nursing Charlie Solomon tells her, "No bite!" He's cute & makes me laugh.

2008-10-02T17:31:00.001-07:00

A Run-in With Procyon Lotor

Last night I was walking out of the laundry room, which is just yards away from our back door, when I saw a gray animal walking along our porch. I noticed I had left the screen door open a bit & continued walking, assuming it was Gabe, our cat. It only took a few seconds before I realized it was a raccoon & I froze & yelled Jason's name. He saw the raccoon & also thought it was Gabe & nearly went to pick it up! There was a second raccoon as well (a third joined them soon after) & the two of them headed in my direction, glaring at me. I ran back into the laundry room & watched them out the window until they left. Never having seen raccoons in real life before, I was a bit scared....

2008-10-01T15:09:00.000-07:00

Came across this quote I had scribbled down while cleaning out the desk. My prayer is that this be true for me as well:

Let my heart be broken with the things that break the heart of God.
- Bob Pierce, World Vision founder

2008-09-30T13:19:00.000-07:00

It appears I have too much free time on my hands today. My three-blog-postings-in-one-day is misleading.

2008-09-30T11:54:00.000-07:00

Jason: Are you poopy?

Solomon: No.

Jason: Are you lyin'?

Solomon: Roooooaaar!!

2008-09-30T10:04:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Dani!!

I miss you so much & wish I could be there to spend the day with you. I hope you're having a great day, I love you!

2008-09-29T11:29:00.000-07:00

I Like My Job -- They Pay Sucks, But It's Fun!

I should really find a job by November 1st. This makes me very sad because I DO NOT want to go back to work, repeat: DO NOT want to go back to work. Now I feel great & am enjoying my time at home with my babies (even if Solomon is currently spitting his milk out into his pasta then drinking the marinera milk -- gross!). I'd much rather spend all day every day with them. Alas, we cannot afford to do that right now :(

2008-09-19T16:54:00.000-07:00

The Joys & Pains of Hyperlactation

Pros:

Charlotte is definitely getting enough food.
She eats enough in 5-10 minutes (it's recommended that an infant eats for 15 minutes on each side -- so one feeding usually lasts between 30-45 minutes. But not for us!).
It's better than the alternative of not having enough milk.

Cons:

She usually chokes & gags when eating, which upsets her (& me!).
My boobs hurt sometimes & feel like solid rocks; I letdown frequently & that stings pretty badly too.
Nursing pads can get really expensive when you go through them as fast as I do.

2008-09-12T09:43:00.000-07:00

White Moms Can't Dance
(at least this one can't)

Solomon asked me to put Shrek on & I started singing & dancing to the opening song, Smash Mouth's "All Star." He started dancing too then stopped long enough to push me off of the dance floor. My moves must be pretty sucky.

2008-09-09T20:50:00.000-07:00

I'm probably the most boring person I know. I used to be fun. Now? Not so much.

2008-09-08T15:38:00.000-07:00

Had to post this..... it made me LOL:

2008-09-08T10:36:00.000-07:00

Charlotte Elizabeth Stagno

was born 2 weeks ago today, on August 25th, at 8:41am. She weighed 7lbs, 5oz & was 19.5" long. She is beautiful.

2008-08-22T08:06:00.000-07:00

Apocalypse

Solomon wants to watch VeggieTales. The DVD player is broken. Solomon believes this is evidence we are now facing the end times. Oh the wrath of a toddler!

I'm going to go crawl in a corner & cry now.