Grandma

Today marks the one year anniversary of my grandmother's death. I always thought she was a batty old lady but I still loved her very much. Of all my grandparents, she was the most present in my life so her death affected me more than others would or will. That isn't to say she meant more to me or that I loved her more than my other grandparents, her death just cut me a little deeper.

When I was 8, after my parents divorced, my mom moved me & my two brothers from Pensacola, FL to Waco, TX & we lived with my grandma for a couple of years. This is odd because she was my dad's mom. So we were living with my mom's ex-MIL. If I remember correctly, we lived with her until I started middle school, when we moved not too far away to some apartments on Hawthorne Dr. At some point, shortly after I started middle school & my dad & other mom returned to the states (they were stationed in Japan up until then), my grandma moved to MD to live with my parents & I only saw her a couple times a year when I went to visit.

Unfortunately I was living with her just as I started going through puberty & she thought it was okay to pinch my newly developing boobs. This memory still makes me cringe & feel a little queasy.

At 16 I moved to MD to live with my dad & other mom & thus, shared a home with my grandmother again. My boobs were completely developed at this time, but she still thought it was funny to pinch them. She mostly stayed in her room but would come out to either go to the bathroom or to complain about something. No one could hardly ever do anything right; her way was always better. Hmm. Sounds like a couple other people I know....

When Maria moved in with us a couple years later, just after high school, we girls had to use the downstairs bathroom since my grandmother used that one. In case she had to rush in to use the bathroom. Which almost always happened as one of us were in the shower. "I need to use the pot!" she would shout as she barged in there. Then she would get all spiritual "on the pot" & start saying things like, "Oh dear Jesus! Lordy, Lordy, Lordy! Help me LORD!" What tha?????? -- It was horrid at the time, but now that it's nearly a decade later, I laugh about it.

One time my mom had just steam cleaned the carpets & asked my grandma to stay in her room until they dried. My grandma couldn't wait so she tied plastic grocery bags around her feet so she could walk on the floor. The picture in my head is hilarious!

The woman was a living, walking, breathing comedy. The last time I saw her was January 5th, I believe it was, when she was in the hospital due to her pneumonia & stuff. This was a few months after I had miscarried & a couple of weeks after I learned I was pregnant again. Since it was a pretty gloomy moment, I thought I'd try to make it cheerful by announcing my pregnancy to her. Aunt Roseanne, Toni & I were all sitting there with her & I said, "Grandma, I just want to let you know that I'm pregnant again." She smiles, closes her eyes & whispers, "Don't have another miscarriage." Aunt Roseanne & Toni gasped & were in wide-eyed shock. Me, I just laughed. "Okay Grandma, I'll see what I can do." She smiles at me again & nods her head. hahahaha -- that'll never cease to be funny.

About a month later, during the wake of her funeral, I saw 2 of my cousins, Jaime & Wendy, who I hadn't seen in a very long time. I started telling them about the miscarriage & the new pregnancy when they stopped me & said, "Oh yeah, we heard. Grandma wrote about it in her Christmas cards." What????? I mean, how do you bring something like that up in a Christmas card?

Front of card: "Unto us a child is born..."

Inside of card, Grandma writes: "Hey, speaking of children being born, your cousin Amanda had a miscarriage. Merry Christmas! Love, Grandma"

Like I said, a batty old lady. A batty old lady who will always hold a special place in my heart. Miss you Grandma.

The Best Complaint Letter Ever

I know I already Twittered this but it's too freaking funny! Jason & I couldn't stop laughing throughout the entire thing. My sides started hurting! I can't remember the last time I laughed this hard. Whooo-wheee!

Is This Indicative of His Future Career??

Solomon has been romping around naked lately. He has decided he wants nothing more to do with clothes & takes them off as fast as I put them on him. Jason said this morning, "Maybe he's going to be a stripper when he grows up." Look out, Chippendales!

Solomon

Sometimes my blogs are solely for me so that I may remember things. A journal of sorts. Today's entry is one of those times.

This morning I was carrying a large stack of board games upstairs (we played the other night when the Morenos spent the night) & Solomon says to me, "Careful Mommy!" It made me smile.

I'm amazed at how quickly his verbal skills are developing now compared to even a month ago. I remember last year thinking that he was going to struggle in that department. Boy did he prove me wrong! He says things that make me smile all the time. He's cute when he says, "Oh, gosh!" & "Aw, man!" When he hurts himself he says, "I hurt you! I hurt you!" (& yes he often says the same thing twice in a row.) He calls chicken "kicken" & tickle "kickle." Lightening McQueen from Cars is simply "Queen" -- "Waawatch Queen! Waawatch Queen!" Or "Wedgie Tales" hahaha! That cracks me up. "Queeb up" = Clean up.

Sometimes he tells us something is wrong to do. For instance, "No throw it! No throw it!" But then he throws it anyway. Or, "No kiss it! No kiss it!" & then he kisses our feet anyway. Gross! What is with this kid & feet?? It really bothers us. (I think he sees me kiss Charlotte's feet & now thinks this is acceptible behavior -- no matter how much we try to convince him otherwise.) What makes his "No" statements even better is that he waves a scolding finger at us. I would laugh at this but he usually does something immediately after the statement which really pisses me off. Like throwing food or a hard, rubber bouncy ball.

His smile melts my heart & his laugh is deep & sincere. So full of life. You can't help but laugh right along with him... even if it is because he spit his milk out all over him & his sister.

(I hate this picture of me, but I love this picture of us.)

Getting Pleasure From Another's Pain

I really should not find pleasure in this news. It's from a month ago, but it still made me smile. The 39 cent thing made me laugh out loud.... literally.

Taming the Beast

I have an anger problem. That should come as no surprise to those of you who know me. God has convicted me though (has been for years, but I'm pretty resistant) & He is slowly changing my heart. It's painful & less than enjoyable. But my desire is to live my life such that it points to Christ & in order to do that I have to submit myself wholly to Him.

Yikes.

I find much comfort & strength in the Word & I want to share with you a few passages to which God has directed me. I know I've been quoting the Bible a lot lately, but, you know, it ain't the Living Word for nothing.

• Psalm 4:4 -- In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Selah
• Psalm 37:8 -- Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.
• Psalm 86:15 -- But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.
• Proverbs 15:1 -- A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
• Proverbs 29:11 -- A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.
• Ecclesiastes 10:4b -- calmness can lay great errors to rest.
• I Corinthians 13:4-8 -- Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
• Ephesians 4:26-27,30-32 -- "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. [30]And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
• Colossians 3:7-8,12-14 -- You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. [12]Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
• James 1:19-21 -- My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

So there you have it folks. Anger in & of itself isn't really the problem, it's OK to be mad sometimes.... it's the sinning in that anger that God wants us to steer clear of.

I know this journey of anger recovery is going to be on a long, rocky road. It's gonna take time & it's gonna take practice. I need my brothers & sisters in Christ to help hold me accountable & gently, lovingly remind me as needed of my goal. I have to work hard to undo nearly 27 years of habitual behavior. Fortunately, my LORD is for me & I cannot fail. Praise be to God.

Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?

I dunno why I've been thinking so much about death lately (more than usual, anyway). Maybe it's because we're in the wake of the anniversaries of several deaths: Josh, Jeremy, & my grandma (there are many more but these were the most significant to me).

My biggest fear is losing those closest to me, who I love most, but I do not fear death for myself. I guess it's actually kinda selfish... I don't want to live without them but I'm okay leaving them behind. Well, that's not entirely true. When I think about the possibility of leaving my husband & my kids behind while they are young it wrecks my heart & soul. I don't want to die anytime soon, but I am not afraid to do so. Sometimes, as days go by, I think, "I'm another day closer to being with my LORD." How can you be scared or sad when faced with that reality?? It's such a wonderful truth! I can't even begin to describe the joy I feel in my heart when I anticipate meeting Christ face to face.

Okay, I'm not being totally honest here again. There is something more frightening still than simply losing a loved one. Losing a loved one who doesn't know Christ. As I grow in my relationship with Him & come to know Him better, I'm baffled that there are people who are not as compelled by Christ as I am. My desire is for all of my loved ones (but this desire is certainly not limited to my loved ones!) to know Jesus & the power of His Love. If a person would take the time to investigate, it is impossible to not find Christ because all truth is God's truth. All roads following truth lead to Him. To quote my all-time favorite band (yes, again!), mewithoutYou, "I used to wonder where You are - these days I can't find where You're not!"

For the person who is in relationship with the LORD, death is nothing to fear. "Death is not a period, but a comma in the story of life," Amos Traver. I Corinthians 15 is an awesome passage on the Ressurection & toward the end, in verse 55, Paul quotes Hosea 13:14 & sort of taunts death (see blog title). People, God won, death is conquered! When my baby brother Josh died, I found comfort in another one of Paul's epistles, I Thessalonians 4:13-18. Do not grieve like the rest of men who have no hope. I have hope. Praise God that I have that hope.

I want to end my thoughts with one of my favorite worship songs which reminds me of the hope I have in Christ. May it stir up hope in you too:

Catching Up!

Wow. It's been a while since I blogged... from Christmas until today we've been crazy busy as J's parents were in town. Christmas was pretty fun with Solomon this year (& I'm sure it'll be even MORE fun next year when he has a better grasp of what all's going on); he opened just about everyone's gifts & was delighted to do so. We had a nice, quiet family Christmas in the morning which I was so happy about. This was our first Christmas for just our own little family (not that I don't enjoy big Christmases with our families, but it's very special when you get to focus on your family alone). Here are a few pics from Christmas morning (I'll be posting more on FB later):

Solomon giving Charlotte her doll from Aunt Maria.

Solomon opening his AquaDoodle.

Solomon "helping" Daddy assemble his Sit-n-Spin.

Later J's parents arrived from MD & Jon & Molly came over for dinner.

Charlotte & Pop-pop.

Solomon & Vóvó.

Family photo with our sad, little Christmas tree behind us. (Please ignore my horrible hair -- I didn't style it very well that day. I promise it looks a lot better than this.)

A few days after Christmas we received word that Grandma Stagno, my FIL's mother, had passed away, so he left for Boston the next day for the funeral, leaving my MIL behind (he said he felt that it was too close to the anniversary of Jeremy's death for Jewel to handle going to the funeral & insisted that she stay). Ed seems to be coping with everything okay; Jason was never really close to her so it didn't affect us much, just felt bad for Ed. She was 95 so she had a nice, long life.

A week ago I discovered that I really do like football. I absolutely hated it prior to last Sunday.... so much so that I would not let Jason watch it. EVER. I know, I know... I'm a horrible wife. Guess he lucked out now. I thoroughly enjoyed watching the Ravens crush their opponents, especially today (suck it, Dolphins!!). I'm even a little sad that I can't watch them play again until Saturday, & since we'll be in Vegas I'm not sure we'll get to catch that game. GO RAVENS!!!


Anyhoo, so as you all know, J & I were praying & deliberating during the holiday season to determine where we will move to next. Jason actually created a spreadsheet & made a mathematical calculation to assist us in the matter (I <3 my dork). The numbers have spoken &
we are moving here. I feel good about this decision & believe this is where we're supposed to be.

I guess that's all I have for now as far as updates go. Hope everyone had a very merry Xmas & a happy New Year!!

Bad Hair Day

Why do I insist on having short hair? I look like a 12 year old boy with estrogen issues. I showed the girl how I wanted my hair cut.... she cut it much shorter.... perhaps I wouldn't care as much if my bangs were longer. Oh well, at least it'll grow out.

My Santa Dilemma

Long, long ago, B.C., I decided I did not want to teach my kids that Santa is real. He is not the reason we celebrate Christmas & our culture has over glorified him. I don't mind my kids learning about the origins of Santa & what he represents, but I never had a desire to allow them to believe he truly exists.

Until the other day.

I was wrapping Christmas gifts, writing "From Mommy & Daddy" over & over again. Not a single one "From Santa." Guilt swept over me, like I was stealing some sort of Christmas magic from my kids' childhood. The anticipation of Santa's visit, trying to stay up late enough to catch a glimps; baking cookies for him on Christmas Eve; the amazement that Santa knew exactly what I wanted for Christmas. I don't remember feeling betrayed or terribly disappointed when I discovered he wasn't real as some children do. I remember how I found out though.... I found all our gifts in my parents' closet.

I still hate the thought of allowing my kids to believe in Santa though! I don't know how to reconcile my feelings. I emailed our pastor about it to get his opinion but haven't heard back from him yet (he gets bombarded with emails everyday so it's totally understandable). I'm not really worried about it this Christmas but next year it'll be a different story since Solomon will be old enough to grasp the concept. At least I have another 365 days from this Christmas to the next to figure out what I'm gonna do!!

Dear Mr. UPS Guy,

If you ever come a knockin' on my door in such a loud, hostile way, accompanied by nonstop doorbell ringing, again (I didn't even keep you waiting! I came to the door immediately upon the first rap!) between the hours of 12 & 2 pm, be prepared to get punched in the nose.

Sincerely,
Me

Mr. Clean

I make chores a privilege for Solomon. If he's misbehaving then he doesn't get to sweep or vacuum. It's torture for him when I don't allow him to help me clean. I hope he's like that for the rest of his life.

Good Day/Bad Day

Today Solomon & I played with pens, markers & Play-doh.... he didn't even try to eat any of it! I'd say that makes today a good day. He only wanted to make the letter "P" with the Play-doh though. Not sure what that was about. We also learned about & experimented with mixing colors to create new ones but he wasn't quite as interested in that.



On the other hand, today was a bad day for my sweet baby girl as she is sick. That makes me so sad :( She's so pitiful with her runny nose, watery eyes & hoarse cough. We all have a doctor's appointment tomorrow; it's supposed to be a well visit for Charlotte but I think they'll change it to sick & make me bring her back next week.

Honey!!

Solomon has been calling us by our names, "Jason!" & "Nina!" (he apparently can't pronounce my name yet). If we don't respond to him, he then calls us, "Honey!!" This amuses me.

I Have a Confession

I'm so embarrassed that I'm about to admit this to the Internet world: I am totally head-over-heels infatuated with Zachary Levi. I'm suddenly a 13 year old girl! It's like my JTT days all over again (minus the poster collaged walls). Okay, okay.... I'm exaggerating.... A LITTLE. I don't think about him 24/7 or anything like that. I had always thought he was attractive, but then I learned he was a Christian & he won my heart. AHHH! I'm a fan-girl!! I'm so embarrassed that I'm in love with a celebrity!

Solomon Quips

Funny things Solomon says:

• "Chardotte" -- we think it's funny that he can't say the "L" in her name but has no problem saying it in other words, such as "Elmo" or "Apple."
  
• "Fruit [s]nack, nummy, nummy" -- Solomon's version of The Wiggles' "Fruit salad, yummy, yummy."
  
• "No hit!" -- after I popped his hand for throwing food. He was so serious about it too, waiving a scolding finger at me & furrowing his brows.
  
• "Curr you" -- Scare you (if we scare him or if he scares us.... really anytime someone is startled)
• "Rock-uh-beep-beep" -- Rock-a-by-baby
• "Zupple" -- puzzle (he often mixes up letters in words like this)
  

He says other funny things too but I can't think of any more at the moment. I'll do another quips post another time.

Turn or Burn, Sinners!

I just want to preface this post by saying that I had no intention of it being this long. I simply couldn't stop rambling... my mind was racing & I was just putting it all out there.

I don't really feel that I relate much to the Religious Right & some of the self-righteous pomp that goes with it, but.... On second thought, let me start over.... I feel that maybe I still relate too much & would love nothing more than to be free of such attitudes. I like to believe that I'm not a judgmental, holier-than-thou person but sometimes I say & do things that prove just the opposite. It actually makes me sick to my stomach to think about it. Blah (that's the sound of me barfing).

I started this post on the 16th & only completed the preceding paragraph before calling it quits; I thought my head was going to explode from thinking about this so much & trying to articulate what exactly it is I wanted to say. I tell you this because I want you to know that the issue was already heavy on my heart when I got an 850 Words of RELEVANT article tonight. God might as well have been yelling in my face. I know He is using it to confirm my thoughts & through that mold me; you know, "Break me down & build me back up again." (I <3 Denison Marrs.) Charles tells me I'm too dependent on Relevant mag, but I'm OK with that so here it is (I totally would've preferred linking it rather than copying & pasting it -- it makes my blog too long -- but I couldn't locate it on Relevant's site. I highlighted the parts where God was yelling at me.):

A Treaty To End Culture Wars
By RELEVANT (no single author listed)

We’ve been known for boycotting Disney, decrying the Teletubbies and rallying behind pet legislation. Christianity and the culture wars have been synonymous now for a long time. When it comes to media attention, Christians most often seem to get it for something we’re against. The last few decades of the Church seem to be ones in which we’ve taken an adversarial relationship to the culture around us. We’ve spearheaded protests, boycotts and letter-writing campaigns. If Christians are against it, we’ve done a decidedly good job of making the public aware of it. It seems we have made it our mission to loudly denounce those things in society that don’t match our worldview, and find ways to pressure the culture into rejecting them. As such, evangelical Christianity has developed a reputation in society for being angry, boorish and self-righteous.

Yet, should Christianity be engaged in these culture wars? Is it our lot to remake the world in God’s image? The answer is, of course, a resounding yes. It is absolutely our role to stand against the tide of culture and to be a clarion voice for God in the midst of darkness. The problem is, we often go about it all wrong.

Without a doubt, we are called to stand apart from culture. Paul admonishes us, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2). The life Christ calls us to is one of being countercultural, and of spreading the Kingdom of God throughout the culture around us.

What does it mean, though, to be countercultural? Does it mean that we organize protests or pen invective letters to the FCC for some sitcom’s latest grievous offense? If we follow the standard Christ set, it is a much deeper calling than that. When Christ speaks of being countercultural, it looks so much more revolutionary and bizarre than merely fighting for legalistic ideals. The picture Christ paints is of a peculiar people who confuse the culture around them by being so utterly different. Whereas our society worships status, we are to be servants to all. When the culture tells us we have to seek fortune, we hold material goods lightly and give all we have to the poor. If prevailing public opinion says that we should lie to get ahead, we cherish honesty and keep any oath we take. Where cynicism and pessimism pervade those around us, we are agents of constant hope and tireless faith.

Ultimately, though, the absolute most countercultural role a Christian can take is that of truly loving our enemies rather than treating them to our usual show of angry saber-rattling. This is hard for a people who have spent so much time viewing those who would tear down God’s Kingdom with such vitriol. But Jesus did not suggest this—He commanded it. He told us: "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you” (Matthew 5:38-42).

This is a revolution born not of anger or discord, but of unmitigated love. It is one that confounds culture by showing resilient mercy and charity at times when it makes the least sense to do so. How would society be impacted if, instead of staging counter-protests when we disagree with a group of pro-abortion demonstrators, we showed up and served them in humility and love? What kind of reputation would we gain if we quietly showed love to our homosexual neighbors instead of putting signs in our yard touting our political views on their relationship?

Are we at war with the culture? Yes. But we’ve been fighting the wrong battle. Ours is not a war of taking shots at things we deem offensive to the public sensibility. It is one of standing against the tide of selfishness, wrath, vainglory and cynicism that surrounds us. It is a battle of refusing to be swept up in the idea of consumerism. Of fighting the concept that we should avenge every wrong done to us. Of taking up arms against our culture’s mindset that the rich, famous and powerful are to be admired and the poor despised. This is a war of loving our enemies, praying for those who persecute us and speaking God’s abiding truth with genuine compassion for those whose ears it falls upon. Now is not the time to back away from a fight. It’s time to actually engage the true enemy.

I guess I started hearing God on this matter, more clearly anyway, when He rebuked me for some angry words I recently said to a complete stranger. I hate hearing "those" Christians get all high-n-mighty on others. I'm one of "those" Christians! BLAH!!!! (me, barfing again.) I remember a trip to San Antonio with my dad when I was really young, preteen years I think. And there was this street preacher across the street from the Alamo screaming at people as they walked by, "You're going the wrong way! Jesus is the way!" & some other crazy things. Of course, no one was paying him any mind. He looked & sounded like a lunatic. Even at such a young age I recognized this guy was going about it all the wrong way. I felt so strongly about this that I actually aproached him to tell him what I thought! I told him that he was just scaring people away from Jesus! He brushed me off & used Philip (the Evangelist, not the Apostle) to validate his actions, saying that Philip was a street preacher. I said I doubted Philip yelled at people like he was doing. I was just a kid so he didn't really care what I had to say. (On a lighter note, Jason does an awesome street preacher impersonation, which is where I got this post's title -- it's hysterical!)

Anyway, so I'm baffled myself that I realized the dangers of harshly pointing out specks in others eyes as a child, yet I continue to do it today. I am no better than people who use the LORD's name in vain. I am no better than murderers or child molesters. I have hate in my heart, just like the next guy. I'm so quick to cry out, "Sinners!" to others, all the while forgetting that I'm in the same boat.

I once heard a pastor say that Christians often take the victim stance. The world is persecuting us; poor us. Boo, hoo, hoo. We should, however, remember that we are on the winning side. I mean, like Paul says in Romans 8, "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (v31) Back in '95 Audio Adrenaline told the world that they can't take God away from us. We shouldn't feel threatened, therefore we shouldn't retaliate in anger to stupid things (i.e. using the LORD's name in vain). There are better ways to go about it than spewing angry, hateful words to the people we are supposed to be trying to win over for Christ in the first place. Hate is certainly not going to accomplish that.

I hate that I am judgmental. I hate that I am hateful. I so badly want to be a loving person toward every person I come into contact with. I want people to want Christ because of me. I don't want to give them more reasons to turn away from Him. One of my favorite passages in the Bible is Romans 7:7-25:
7What shall we say, then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, "Do not covet." 8But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous desire. For apart from law, sin is dead. 9Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. 10I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death.

11For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. 12So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good. 13Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful.

14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Thank you, Paul! That is exactly what I've been trying to say all night!

To my Brothers & Sisters reading this: please, please, PLEASE pray for me in this matter. Pray that the LORD will continue to work on this problem in me & free me from its bondage. Pray that my character will be a more accurate reflection of Christ's character. Pray that His Love overcomes my hate.

(I am so tired right now, I'm not even sure this all makes sense. I'll probably wake up tomorrow, reread this entry & realize that I'm a blabbering idiot. Oh well, at least I got it off my chest! If you've read to this point, thanks for hanging in there :P )

Gabe

On August 22, 2004 we welcomed you & Lucy into our family. You didn't really like us at first & kept your distance. But over time you started to grow fond of us & with that the distance between you & us began to shrink. First you would at least be in the same room as us, then you would want to be within reach & eventually you loved to cuddle.... a little :) You were an awesome, laid back kitty & everyone favored you over Lucy (because, as we all know, she is an attention whore which gets really annoying after about 5 minutes). We affectionately called you "fat ass" because, well, you were. A 16lb purring fur ball, you outweighed Solomon for at least the first 3, maybe 4 months of his life! Solomon loved to play with you & you were amazingly patient with his batting & fur-pulling & attempts at riding you like a horse. It was probably mostly due to your laziness & refusal to run away from him, but either way you were very tolerant of him! Any time we scratched your back, at the base of your tail, you geeked out & gnawed on your front paw (or Lucy if she was close enough). It seemed to irritate you but we thought it was funny, hehe :)

I am sorry we didn't realize you were so sick sooner.... I hope you weren't suffering for too long before we noticed. It was a difficult decision to put you down but we knew it had to be done as we didn't want you to continue to be in pain. You lived a long, good life & you were loved greatly. I will miss feeling your sandpaper-y tongue on my ankles when I get out of the shower. I will miss your big, green owl-like eyes & your deep, manly purr. Every cat should be as cool as you were. We love you & will miss you. So long, friend.

Our Beloved Gabers
1994 - 11/6/08

The Obama Llama Song

A friend sent this video to me. I couldn't stop laughing. Or replaying it. Solomon couldn't stop gleefully dancing -- "Again, agian!" he shouted.

The FLYing Isn't Going So Well

I've been trying to FLY since September but I haven't been able to really start. I keep finding things to successfully interfere with it. Seriously though, how hard can doing ONE task for only FIFTEEN MINUTES be?? I ordered a feather duster & rubba scrubba yesterday. I've read so many fantastic things about each & am hoping they will help motivate me. I always feel so overwhelmed thinking about housework which causes me to stay put in the place where I am. Then there's the kids issue..... it's hard to accomplish things with a toddler getting in to everything while you aren't closely watching or demanding your undivided attention! I do sit in front of the computer a lot so I could easily walk away & do something else, but at least I can keep an eye on Solomon from here better than I could if I were in the kitchen or bathroom. Also, when I am working on something, i.e. paper clutter, he tries to help & ends up making bigger messes. It's just easier for me to NOT do anything. I tell myself I'll do it during nap time or after he's in bed for the night, but I'm too tired myself at those times. Maybe I should cut myself some slack since I DO have a two month old, but I still feel like I'm making excuses. I also kinda don't care about this stupid apartment we're in. It's crappy student housing (don't get me wrong -- I definitely appreciate the cheapness of it!) & we'll only be here for 8 more months. They'll replace the carpet & repaint after we leave. Another problem is we've outgrown this apartment & lack storage space. Jason thinks that if I haven't used it the past 4 or 5 years then it's safe to say I don't need it anymore & I should just get rid of it. But I think that maybe I will find places or uses for things when we have more room. I think we should keep it until we move into a bigger place & if I find I'm still not using certain items, then yes, I'll trash it or give it away. My poor time management skill doesn't help either. If I could stick to the schedule in my Control Journal, then everything would be peachy keen. Well, let's see what happens when my tools come in. I'll let you know how it turns out....