Tuesday, June 30, 2009


Sorry I haven't been blogging much lately -- so much has been going on over the past month that I haven't really had time! I plan to do a "catch up" post soon.

Anyway, so I want to talk about boundaries today & how certain people disregard them sometimes. Okay, a certain PERSON, my FIL Ed.

Back in October when Jason was home for post doc interviews, he & Ed went driving around the Frederick area as that is where we would most likely be living if/when we return to MD. (Which we did, obviously.) While there they met Paul, who would later become our Realtor. So as you can see, Ed's sort of been involved in our first home buying process since the beginning. In fact, at first Paul was solely contacting Ed about all of this. Jason quickly put an end to that.

We did not ask Ed to help us with any of this. He took it upon himself to watch the market & scope out some areas & houses while we were still in CA. He even offered to buy a house for us which we would in turn buy from him, just in case a great deal came along that we weren't ready to purchase ourselves. I truly do appreciate his desire to help us, & I know he means well, but the truth is.... I hate it.

Jason & I are adults. We've been on our own, with little to no support from anyone, for the past 5 years. We do not need assistance in buying a house. We agreed that if we could not afford what we wanted on our own we would have to settle for less of a home. Our finances are our finances. Not Ed's. Not anyone's.

Ed's very impulsive. Once in a while he would call Jason -- while we were still in CA, 3,000 miles away! -- & tell him we had to act now! The market's picking back up & interest rates are climbing again! Jason would explain to him, "It doesn't matter what the market is doing. We don't have the money for a house right now & we are across the country."

Jason has flat out told his father that this is our experience & we want it to stay just between the two of us. We don't want anyone else involved. But this past Sunday Ed ignored our demand for him to mind his own business & went behind our backs to go look at the house we decided to make an offer on.

Jason had gone over to his parents' house & Ed wasn't there. He asked Jewel where he went & she told him the truth, that he had gone to Hagerstown to meet Paul & look at the house we chose. Jason immediately called Ed & tore him a new one. He had no business contacting our real estate agent to go look at the house we want for our family. Ed was pissed at Jewel for telling Jason what he was doing, but I'm glad she did. Not only did Ed butt in where he didn't belong, he tried to hide it from us! In a way I feel betrayed.

It sounds kinda silly, I'm sure, to be so upset over this. But it isn't about a house. It's about boundaries. Ed deliberately did exactly what we told him not to do. Then tried to hide it. I'm furious with Ed, & so is Jason, but Jason said all he could to Ed so there is no need to beat a dead horse. I think Ed got the message this time. He had better anyway.