I'm kinda pissed right now.  On my first paper, I got a high B (87.5, to be exact), which I was fine with.  I knew when I turned it in that it wasn't my best work & I really struggled with transition statements, thus my work didn't flow too well.  I just got my second paper back & I got a freakin' 78!  What the hell??  I worked so much harder on that paper & knew the quality was better than my first, but somehow I scored a whole letter grade lower??  What's even more aggravating is that the instructor didn't add any comments to my paper, so I got a C with no explanation.  I emailed her & asked that she resend it with comments.  It's a good thing she isn't being graded on her stupid writing skills!  You should see the syllabus - it's a grammatical & punctuational mess.

Yep.  Still not working...

(He's saying "Oh no!" in this photo.  I think that's important to note as it makes the picture cuter.)

Top 10 Reasons I Procrastinate:
#1................................
(I'm really not that witty - I got the title from an awesome shirt I saw on randomshirts.com's website.)

I'm supposed to be working on my paper for class right now & intended that it be completed today as well. As you can see, that isn't happening. Somehow, I'm managing to find any little distraction that will keep me from the task at hand. It's due Sunday by 11:59pm EST (which is funny, because Vanguard University is no more than a 15 minute drive from my house, yet their server is on the east coast. Thus, the local students lose 3 hours a day. How does that even make sense?). I turned in a paper last week less than 20 minutes before it was due. I thought that with age, my study habits would've improved. Not so much. (In my defense regarding last week, though, my in-laws were here so I didn't have much quiet time to utilize for schoolwork.)

Maybe I'll just take Relient K's advice & take calligraphy & make a fake degree.

"...and our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace."
Psalm 144:12

When thinking of my ideal family composition, I pictured, in this order, three boys & then maybe one girl. I desperately wanted this baby to be another boy in the beginning for several, seemingly logical, reasons. 1) we already have all boy stuff & our place is too little to add girl stuff; I wanted to recycle what is already available. When we move into a bigger place, adding girl stuff won't be as much of an issue. 2) I feel that it is better for brothers to be closer in age instead of a brother & sister. 3) Jason & I have a difficult time agreeing on girl names, but not so much on boy names. Either way, none of this matters now as God apparently has a different ideal for my family composition.

When we learned that our next child was a girl, I was happy, but I didn't shout, "woo-hoo!" & cry like I did when we found out Solomon was a boy. I felt a little guilty for not reveling in the thought of having a daughter. I mean, yeah, I'll get to dress her up for Easter & such, but I just can't get too excited beyond that.

Why do I feel this way?

God so graciously answered this question recently by revealing my heart to me in unmistakable ways. It turns out, I feel less adequate to mother a daughter than a son. I will be the primary example for my daughter, responsible for modeling what a godly woman should look like. I kinda suck at that. It terrifies me more than anything I've ever done before. I don't feel ready for this & I'm fairly certain I will fail. I know how awful I was to my parents growing up, so I'm already dreading the teenage years. On the other hand, maybe having a daughter will inspire me to be a stronger woman of God...

God not only exposed my feelings of inadequacy, but He sparked a deep desire within me to show her what God originally intended for us, His daughters. This world forces its definition of beauty in our faces every day & Satan uses it to whisper lies in our ears that we have to be thin, have flawless skin, big boobs, straight & blindingly white teeth, be wrinkle-free, etc. The Evil One convinces us that we are not beautiful, & in fact, are worthless if we don't meet the standard of beauty the world has set. I do not want my daughter to buy into these false notions & am determined for her to realize her significance in Christ alone. I want her to be free from the chains the world attempts to bind us with. I want her to feel delighted in & loved. She will be "like a pillar carved to adorn a palace."

In-laws are in town.  I want to shoot myself.

I just took my first quiz for my online class; I got a perfect score! :)  Maybe this class won't be so difficult after all.

Our Baby Girl