Sunday, December 21, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Until the other day.
I was wrapping Christmas gifts, writing "From Mommy & Daddy" over & over again. Not a single one "From Santa." Guilt swept over me, like I was stealing some sort of Christmas magic from my kids' childhood. The anticipation of Santa's visit, trying to stay up late enough to catch a glimps; baking cookies for him on Christmas Eve; the amazement that Santa knew exactly what I wanted for Christmas. I don't remember feeling betrayed or terribly disappointed when I discovered he wasn't real as some children do. I remember how I found out though.... I found all our gifts in my parents' closet.
I still hate the thought of allowing my kids to believe in Santa though! I don't know how to reconcile my feelings. I emailed our pastor about it to get his opinion but haven't heard back from him yet (he gets bombarded with emails everyday so it's totally understandable). I'm not really worried about it this Christmas but next year it'll be a different story since Solomon will be old enough to grasp the concept. At least I have another 365 days from this Christmas to the next to figure out what I'm gonna do!!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
On the other hand, today was a bad day for my sweet baby girl as she is sick. That makes me so sad :( She's so pitiful with her runny nose, watery eyes & hoarse cough. We all have a doctor's appointment tomorrow; it's supposed to be a well visit for Charlotte but I think they'll change it to sick & make me bring her back next week.
Monday, December 08, 2008
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
- "Chardotte" -- we think it's funny that he can't say the "L" in her name but has no problem saying it in other words, such as "Elmo" or "Apple."
- "Fruit [s]nack, nummy, nummy" -- Solomon's version of The Wiggles' "Fruit salad, yummy, yummy."
- "No hit!" -- after I popped his hand for throwing food. He was so serious about it too, waiving a scolding finger at me & furrowing his brows.
- "Curr you" -- Scare you (if we scare him or if he scares us.... really anytime someone is startled)
- "Rock-uh-beep-beep" -- Rock-a-by-baby
- "Zupple" -- puzzle (he often mixes up letters in words like this)
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
I don't really feel that I relate much to the Religious Right & some of the self-righteous pomp that goes with it, but.... On second thought, let me start over.... I feel that maybe I still relate too much & would love nothing more than to be free of such attitudes. I like to believe that I'm not a judgmental, holier-than-thou person but sometimes I say & do things that prove just the opposite. It actually makes me sick to my stomach to think about it. Blah (that's the sound of me barfing).
I started this post on the 16th & only completed the preceding paragraph before calling it quits; I thought my head was going to explode from thinking about this so much & trying to articulate what exactly it is I wanted to say. I tell you this because I want you to know that the issue was already heavy on my heart when I got an 850 Words of RELEVANT article tonight. God might as well have been yelling in my face. I know He is using it to confirm my thoughts & through that mold me; you know, "Break me down & build me back up again." (I <3 Denison Marrs.) Charles tells me I'm too dependent on Relevant mag, but I'm OK with that so here it is (I totally would've preferred linking it rather than copying & pasting it -- it makes my blog too long -- but I couldn't locate it on Relevant's site. I highlighted the parts where God was yelling at me.):
A Treaty To End Culture Wars
By RELEVANT (no single author listed)
We’ve been known for boycotting Disney, decrying the Teletubbies and rallying behind pet legislation. Christianity and the culture wars have been synonymous now for a long time. When it comes to media attention, Christians most often seem to get it for something we’re against. The last few decades of the Church seem to be ones in which we’ve taken an adversarial relationship to the culture around us. We’ve spearheaded protests, boycotts and letter-writing campaigns. If Christians are against it, we’ve done a decidedly good job of making the public aware of it. It seems we have made it our mission to loudly denounce those things in society that don’t match our worldview, and find ways to pressure the culture into rejecting them. As such, evangelical Christianity has developed a reputation in society for being angry, boorish and self-righteous.
Yet, should Christianity be engaged in these culture wars? Is it our lot to remake the world in God’s image? The answer is, of course, a resounding yes. It is absolutely our role to stand against the tide of culture and to be a clarion voice for God in the midst of darkness. The problem is, we often go about it all wrong.
Without a doubt, we are called to stand apart from culture. Paul admonishes us, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2). The life Christ calls us to is one of being countercultural, and of spreading the Kingdom of God throughout the culture around us.
What does it mean, though, to be countercultural? Does it mean that we organize protests or pen invective letters to the FCC for some sitcom’s latest grievous offense? If we follow the standard Christ set, it is a much deeper calling than that. When Christ speaks of being countercultural, it looks so much more revolutionary and bizarre than merely fighting for legalistic ideals. The picture Christ paints is of a peculiar people who confuse the culture around them by being so utterly different. Whereas our society worships status, we are to be servants to all. When the culture tells us we have to seek fortune, we hold material goods lightly and give all we have to the poor. If prevailing public opinion says that we should lie to get ahead, we cherish honesty and keep any oath we take. Where cynicism and pessimism pervade those around us, we are agents of constant hope and tireless faith.
Ultimately, though, the absolute most countercultural role a Christian can take is that of truly loving our enemies rather than treating them to our usual show of angry saber-rattling. This is hard for a people who have spent so much time viewing those who would tear down God’s Kingdom with such vitriol. But Jesus did not suggest this—He commanded it. He told us: "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you” (Matthew 5:38-42).
This is a revolution born not of anger or discord, but of unmitigated love. It is one that confounds culture by showing resilient mercy and charity at times when it makes the least sense to do so. How would society be impacted if, instead of staging counter-protests when we disagree with a group of pro-abortion demonstrators, we showed up and served them in humility and love? What kind of reputation would we gain if we quietly showed love to our homosexual neighbors instead of putting signs in our yard touting our political views on their relationship?
Are we at war with the culture? Yes. But we’ve been fighting the wrong battle. Ours is not a war of taking shots at things we deem offensive to the public sensibility. It is one of standing against the tide of selfishness, wrath, vainglory and cynicism that surrounds us. It is a battle of refusing to be swept up in the idea of consumerism. Of fighting the concept that we should avenge every wrong done to us. Of taking up arms against our culture’s mindset that the rich, famous and powerful are to be admired and the poor despised. This is a war of loving our enemies, praying for those who persecute us and speaking God’s abiding truth with genuine compassion for those whose ears it falls upon. Now is not the time to back away from a fight. It’s time to actually engage the true enemy.I guess I started hearing God on this matter, more clearly anyway, when He rebuked me for some angry words I recently said to a complete stranger. I hate hearing "those" Christians get all high-n-mighty on others. I'm one of "those" Christians! BLAH!!!! (me, barfing again.) I remember a trip to San Antonio with my dad when I was really young, preteen years I think. And there was this street preacher across the street from the Alamo screaming at people as they walked by, "You're going the wrong way! Jesus is the way!" & some other crazy things. Of course, no one was paying him any mind. He looked & sounded like a lunatic. Even at such a young age I recognized this guy was going about it all the wrong way. I felt so strongly about this that I actually aproached him to tell him what I thought! I told him that he was just scaring people away from Jesus! He brushed me off & used Philip (the Evangelist, not the Apostle) to validate his actions, saying that Philip was a street preacher. I said I doubted Philip yelled at people like he was doing. I was just a kid so he didn't really care what I had to say. (On a lighter note, Jason does an awesome street preacher impersonation, which is where I got this post's title -- it's hysterical!)
Anyway, so I'm baffled myself that I realized the dangers of harshly pointing out specks in others eyes as a child, yet I continue to do it today. I am no better than people who use the LORD's name in vain. I am no better than murderers or child molesters. I have hate in my heart, just like the next guy. I'm so quick to cry out, "Sinners!" to others, all the while forgetting that I'm in the same boat.
I once heard a pastor say that Christians often take the victim stance. The world is persecuting us; poor us. Boo, hoo, hoo. We should, however, remember that we are on the winning side. I mean, like Paul says in Romans 8, "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (v31) Back in '95 Audio Adrenaline told the world that they can't take God away from us. We shouldn't feel threatened, therefore we shouldn't retaliate in anger to stupid things (i.e. using the LORD's name in vain). There are better ways to go about it than spewing angry, hateful words to the people we are supposed to be trying to win over for Christ in the first place. Hate is certainly not going to accomplish that.
I hate that I am judgmental. I hate that I am hateful. I so badly want to be a loving person toward every person I come into contact with. I want people to want Christ because of me. I don't want to give them more reasons to turn away from Him. One of my favorite passages in the Bible is Romans 7:7-25:
7What shall we say, then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, "Do not covet." 8But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous desire. For apart from law, sin is dead. 9Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. 10I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death.
11For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. 12So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good. 13Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful.
14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.Thank you, Paul! That is exactly what I've been trying to say all night!
To my Brothers & Sisters reading this: please, please, PLEASE pray for me in this matter. Pray that the LORD will continue to work on this problem in me & free me from its bondage. Pray that my character will be a more accurate reflection of Christ's character. Pray that His Love overcomes my hate.
(I am so tired right now, I'm not even sure this all makes sense. I'll probably wake up tomorrow, reread this entry & realize that I'm a blabbering idiot. Oh well, at least I got it off my chest! If you've read to this point, thanks for hanging in there :P )
Friday, November 07, 2008
I am sorry we didn't realize you were so sick sooner.... I hope you weren't suffering for too long before we noticed. It was a difficult decision to put you down but we knew it had to be done as we didn't want you to continue to be in pain. You lived a long, good life & you were loved greatly. I will miss feeling your sandpaper-y tongue on my ankles when I get out of the shower. I will miss your big, green owl-like eyes & your deep, manly purr. Every cat should be as cool as you were. We love you & will miss you. So long, friend.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Monday, November 03, 2008
I get weekly emails from Relevant magazine, 850 Words of RELEVANT, & tonight it was about voting. I highlighted bits & pieces that really stood out to me or that I found particularly meaningful. It's a great article:
Politics is a sticky business. Every four years, the American public is given rhetoric from both sides of the spectrum, each painting an idealistic view of a hopeful future, an America that represents the light of the world. Each party claims their platform has a monopoly on attaining this goal. Tomorrow’s presidential election, in particular, has deeply divided Americans.It’s not just the candidates that give Christians pause. Indeed, the entire political process has become so polarized and vitriolic that some have begun to question its very foundation [emphasis mine]. Shane Claiborne and Chris Haw, authors of Jesus for President, were so disturbed by the way they saw Christians drawing political battle lines that they embarked on a cross-country tour to tell people about a different vision for political engagement."
It started around the last election,” Claiborne says. “To vote or not to vote—that was the question. How do we engage the political conversation? We wanted to think deeply and theologically about it as Christians—how to engage or disengage, or appropriately engage. There was an inherent—and I think, healthy—suspicion about putting all of our hope in one day, or one vote, or one candidate or party[emphasis mine].”
The very nature of the campaign process, Haw believes, should give Christians pause. “The current state of voting involves a very serious hurdle that Christians must see as a red flag, which is the whole question of coercion,” he says. “You have this idea of a tug of war going on publicly. It appears very hard for me as a Christian, with the precepts of Jesus and the way He views His enemies and friends, to jump in on one side of the tug of war and then be happy if you’ve pulled your tug of war in one direction and say, ‘We’re glad we beat you other guys.’” [emphasis mine]
Claiborne and Haw are very clear that they would not unequivocally encourage Christians to abstain from voting, merely to prayerfully consider the best course of action for them and to follow their conviction. “We’re very careful not to say, ‘Don’t vote,’” Claiborne says. “Think very critically. Pray. Study Scripture. Whatever you do, do it with fear and trembling, with our neighbors in mind, with the poor in mind, with kids in Iraq in mind.” [emphasis mine]
Claiborne feels that Christians who do choose to vote can embody the ideals of both parties. “One of the things I love about Jesus is that He’s never telling people exactly what to do—or if He does, it’s different for two different people,” he says. “There are a lot of different ways people are going to respond. I think one of the mistakes the Religious Right made was telling people exactly what to do.” [emphasis mine]
Ultimately, how can we chart a new course? How can we see society transformed when we have to be wary of involvement in the system? Claiborne and Haw believe that the importance lies in keeping our perspective. “There are a lot of models in Scripture,” Claiborne says. “There are prophets who are on the margins. There are prophets in the royal court. One of the tricky things is to maintain the peculiarity and the distinctiveness of being a Christian.”
This peculiarity can indeed be difficult to maintain when we thrust ourselves into being active participants in a two-party system, when neither party fully upholds the ethics of Christ. However, Claiborne believes Christians can work within the system as long as they remain unwilling to sacrifice certain principles.“ [emphasis mine]
For those of us working legislatively, we can’t compromise on things like, ‘We’re going to beat our swords into plowshares,’” he says. “That’s what we’re called to, and to bless the poor and meek. If we don’t hear any of these parties saying something that embodies that, then we don’t put our hand in with it [emphasis mine]. There are a number of ways you can call that. You can work for the Kingdom of God and align yourself with whatever seems to move us closer to that. It’s possible to say we’re also going to interrupt with grace and humility whatever seems to be standing in the way of the reign of God.”
Part of that perspective is not canonizing one candidate while vilifying the other. [emphasis mine] “You can quote both Republicans and Democrats who have had that triumphalism and messiah complex,” Claiborne says. “We’re ultimately not thinking that this person is our savior or the source of real change for the world.”
In fact, much of Claiborne and Haw’s mission has been to deflate the idea that one candidate or party symbolizes hope for society [emphasis mine]. What people do with that message, Claiborne believes, is up to them and their convictions. “We’re inviting people to think,” he says. “Some folks go out and organize for one of the candidates. Others say, ‘We’re going to write in Jesus.’ Ultimately, [we hope] whatever they do is seeking first the Kingdom of God and embodying their politics with their lives rather than just trusting in a single candidate or a single politician to change the world for them. We vote every day with our lives. We vote every day with our feet, our hands, our lips and our wallets. Ultimate change does not just happen one day every four years." [emphasis mine]
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Poopy bottom + non-poopy diaper = poop somewhere else.
The pile was on our bedroom floor, but it didn't stop there. Oh no, it kept going. It was smeared on our closet door, the comforter & all over our sheets. I cleaned up the mess & hopped in the shower. While I was in there I could hear loud thuds just outside the door. I knew he couldn't have gotten out with the door being double gated so I could only conclude he was throwing stuff. What, I didn't know. He got into the diaper changing cabinet (again! Why have I not installed those stupid locks yet??) & was throwing the little bottles of soap & stuff over the gate. I gathered all the items & put them in my room & sent him back to bed.
A few minutes later I heard a loud thud upstairs. I went back up & he had somehow reached the lotion on the top of the diaper changing table (how the heck did he reach that??). It was splattered all over the carpet & few spots elsewhere & Solomon was rubbing globs of it on his fresh shirt that I had just put on him! (Coincidentally it was his "Mr. Messy" shirt.) "Losin," he kept repeating to me while lubricating his shirt.
If only I had already installed the cabinet locks. If only I had I double gated the door. When will I learn???
Friday, October 24, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
In other today news: Remember that beautiful mug I made from a couple of posts ago? Well the first time I used it I noticed the coffee was staining the inside. A spot was missed during the glazing process & the ceramic was absorbing the coffee like a sponge. I took it back up there yesterday so they could reglaze it & it was finished today so I returned to pick it up again. I should've checked it before I left the store, but the kids were in the car & I didn't feel comfortable leaving them in there so I was in a hurry to get out. (Solomon loves to play with the breakables when we're in there, hence they were left in the car.) When I got home I checked it & the missed spot was STILL unglazed!! Now I have to take it back AGAIN tomorrow! I'm sure it's no one's fault in particular, but it's frustrating nonetheless. I've been looking forward to this mug since before Charlie was born! I can't wait until it's finished!!
Monday, October 20, 2008
These are some pics I took trying out this cool idea I found in Family Fun magazine. Mine didn't turn out nearly as well as the ones in the mag, but I think they still look pretty neat:
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. - Paul, Philippians 4:19
Sunday, October 12, 2008
While we were there I met another mom (we actually met 2 years earlier, while we were both pregnant with our first children), Amy. Our older children were born two months apart & her second child was born 2 days after Charlie. We talked sooo much; it was fantastic talking to someone who totally related to me. I really need that conversation! She gave me her contact info so we could get together & have play dates for the children, & grown-up time for us!
So on to my nightmare that is today: BOTH children were up A LOT in the middle of the night. I actually had to go sleep in Solomon's bed with him because he wouldn't stay there. Then I had to get up early & take Jason to the John Wayne airport at 7am, come home, & take my mom to the Long Beach airport an hour later. On the way home Solomon started whining & saying "owie!" I thought it was due to the sun shining right in his eyes, but then he hiccupped & burped at the same time which sounded really liquidy. I was terrified he was going to barf in the car. He eventually fell asleep & woke up when we got home. Perfect. Enough of a nap to interfere with his regular nap. Since he was so tired he had tantrum after tantrum. I thought I was going to pull my hair out. When I finally got him down for a nap, I ate my lunch & had planned to go take a nap. But Charlie wouldn't let me. By the time she did let me go to sleep Solomon woke up 10 minutes later. All afternoon, Solomon was cranky. I tried taking him to the playground but he just wanted to run away, so I brought him back home & we were stuck in the house the rest of the day. Both kids were screaming & crying throughout the evening. When I put Solomon down for the night, he kept getting out of bed. After nearly two hours of this I called Jason, literally crying because I couldn't take it anymore. Of course he couldn't do anything about it but I needed someone! Solomon finally went to sleep 3 hours into our head-to-head battle. How can the boy I love the most in the whole world be the same one that makes me want to run away from home??
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Yep. I haven't been to a movie in a theater in nearly a year & a half. Because I'm the one who stays home with Solomon while Jason goes with his friends. Even if I did have an opportunity to go to the movies with my friends, I wouldn't because, I'm the one who gets up at the asscrack of dawn with the children. (Sorry if the slight bit of resentment is detectable -- it's kinda hard to hide.)
At least my first venture to a movie theater in a year & a half was worth while -- I would've been really upset if I had wasted the chance on an awful movie.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Only an hour or two had passed since this conversation when Jason then told me to use ground beef in place of spinach in the lasagna rolls as he was tired of spinach.
And Trevin says women are fickle!....
Friday, October 03, 2008
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Last night I was walking out of the laundry room, which is just yards away from our back door, when I saw a gray animal walking along our porch. I noticed I had left the screen door open a bit & continued walking, assuming it was Gabe, our cat. It only took a few seconds before I realized it was a raccoon & I froze & yelled Jason's name. He saw the raccoon & also thought it was Gabe & nearly went to pick it up! There was a second raccoon as well (a third joined them soon after) & the two of them headed in my direction, glaring at me. I ran back into the laundry room & watched them out the window until they left. Never having seen raccoons in real life before, I was a bit scared....
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
I should really find a job by November 1st. This makes me very sad because I DO NOT want to go back to work, repeat: DO NOT want to go back to work. Now I feel great & am enjoying my time at home with my babies (even if Solomon is currently spitting his milk out into his pasta then drinking the marinera milk -- gross!). I'd much rather spend all day every day with them. Alas, we cannot afford to do that right now :(
Friday, September 19, 2008
- Charlotte is definitely getting enough food.
- She eats enough in 5-10 minutes (it's recommended that an infant eats for 15 minutes on each side -- so one feeding usually lasts between 30-45 minutes. But not for us!).
- It's better than the alternative of not having enough milk.
- She usually chokes & gags when eating, which upsets her (& me!).
- My boobs hurt sometimes & feel like solid rocks; I letdown frequently & that stings pretty badly too.
- Nursing pads can get really expensive when you go through them as fast as I do.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Monday, September 08, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
I really like my OB/GYN but she often makes my appointments feel rushed. She's usually inching toward the door while I'm still asking questions. She also causes me a LOT of pain when she checks my cervix. I remember it hurting so bad she had to stop when I was pregnant with Solomon. When she checked me 2 weeks ago it took all I had in me to not kick her in the face. I thought that I was just super sensitive or something... until today. I saw a nurse practitioner today instead of my regular doctor & I warned her in advance that I don't handle it well when my cervix is checked.... and.... it didn't hurt. Not a bit. Now I know it's just my doctor & there's nothing wrong with me. I'm not looking forward to next Wednesday though when I'm sure it'll be my doctor checking me again.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Solomon decided he wasn't going to take a nap today. I spent 2 hours going upstairs every 5 minutes to put him back in his crib. I did manage to prepare dinner & eat lunch in between trips to his room but nothing else was done. Our friend Neil & his girlfriend are coming over for dinner tonight & I'm not sure I'll have time to straighten our house before they get here. I'm exhausted.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Today while I was eating lunch, just after Solomon went down for his nap, there was a knock on the door. It was a couple who explained they were moving into Verano this school year & wanted to see the layout, if I didn't mind. I felt a little weird letting these people in my house -- toys strewn about, litter pans exposed (Jason read that litter pans with lids actually make the odor worse & wanted to try leaving them off. Not a pretty site.). Not to mention I don't know them.
My brother sort of hurt my feelings the other day when I called to wish him a happy birthday. I had left a message telling him happy birthday & not to worry about calling me back if he was busy. Just wanted him to know I was thinking of him. He returned my call later that afternoon & thanked me for calling then asked about the pregnancy. When I started to answer his question someone beeped in so he cut me off & said he had to go. I have a few questions regarding his decision to abruptly end our conversation: 1) Why couldn't he either ignore it & call back when we got off the phone or maybe click over & explain to the person that he was on the other line & he'd call right back? 2) We only talk once every two or three months, would it have killed him to talk to me for a few minutes? 3) Did he even really care about how the pregnancy was going or was he just being polite? Now I'm not saying that I am the #1 person in his life, nor should I be, but as his sister I feel he could've given me a little more of his time. He doesn't even try to make time for me when I'm home visiting. We used to be very close but now I hardly know him. That makes me sad.
Solomon has recently decided that it's fun to crawl under the fitted sheet of his mattress. He then gets stuck & can't figure out how to get out so he screams as though he were dying. I have to dash upstairs & rescue him; my heartrate shoots through the roof & I can't breath. This newly found game annoys me.
Unreasonable or not (who am I kidding? Of course I'm being unreasonable), I feel that at this point in my pregnancy Jason should be doing EVERYTHING. He should cook, do the dishes, do the laundry, care for Solomon 98% of the time, etc. -- be my Cinderella -- until this baby is born. I should get to sleep all day.
So we've settled on a name for the new baby, for real this time. I started telling people it would be Naomi but it will actually be Charlotte. Jason feels very strongly that it should be Charlotte & I was too indecisive as I like both names equally (though leaning more toward Naomi since it's biblical). I'm happy with the decision, it's a lovely name. The middle name has yet to be determined as there are some disagreements on that, but I'll keep you posted.
Friday, August 15, 2008
I'm just in a whiny sort of mood right now.
For starters, I'm a little annoyed with my husband as he didn't come to bed until after 5am. Two friends came down so they could role play, which I said was fine. But 5am? Seriously? Not only was it a weeknight but the game immediately followed his hour & a half long jujitsu class. Tomorrow night he's going up to his friends' house (which is nearly an hour away) to role play again. I don't particularly like it, but it's the only outlet he really has that allows him to escape work & family responsibilities/demands, so I just deal. I'm especially accepting of his gaming right now because I know that when we move he won't have anyone to play with anymore, so I feel a little bad for him.
The other thing I'm irked about at the moment is friends. This is going to sound really petty & selfish, but I feel like I'm always going to everyone else's parties & events but some of those people don't do the same for me (the whole whopping one party I planned this year -- Solomon's birthday party). Since I've been jobless for nearly 7 months, Jason & I don't really have the money to spend on going out to dinner for birthdays or buying presents for people. I hate feeling this way, but it comes with the territory of being broke. I have a bridal shower tomorrow & the wedding is next month. Proper wedding ettiquette requires that you purchase a gift for both the shower & the wedding. I'm now wondering if this is going to force me to decide between my friend's wedding gift or my phone bill next month.
Monday, August 11, 2008
We took Solomon to get his 2 year immunizations today. Because today was the first time he's been seen since he's been on Medi-Cal, the insurance stuff was a total nightmare! It's such a long story I don't really want to write about it, but just know that we had to drive to freaking Huntington Beach twice AFTER we had already driven to Newport Beach (which wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for freeway traffic) AND I spent the entire morning on the phone with doctors' offices & the insurance company. Jason intended to only take the morning off but ended up staying home all day because of the whole mess. We were eventually able to get his check-up stuff done so I at least won't have to worry about his doctor visits until next year (unless he gets sick, God forbid).
So the first thing the nurse did was draw blood from his toe. Not so much as a flinch. Amazing. He cooperated during all of the measurements & everything! He did give the doctor a bit of squirmy trouble when she tried to check his eyes, ears, & teeth but beyond that he was perfect.
Then came the immunization. I wanted to cry.
I sat there watching my husband & the nurse pin him down on the bed as she stuck him in his outer thigh. He thrashed & screamed but I couldn't do anything about it! After it was done he reached out to Daddy for comfort, of course, then the nurse gave him a big orange balloon, causing him to forget about the whole incident. It only lasted for about 10 seconds but it was torture for me!
After that they sent us to a lab so he could have MORE blood drawn for lead testing. Ugh! If he behaved that way during a quick prick, how the heck are they going to draw blood from his arm?? I was pretty panicky when they called us back; the guy taking Solomon's blood was big & rough n' tough looking so I was worried he wouldn't be gentle. Solomon sat in Jason's lap while Jason distracted him with a Sharpie. Every time Solomon would look to see what the phlebotomist was doing Jason would grab his little face & say, "No, look over here!" Solomon didn't even notice the guy had stuck him with a needle! He sat still for the entire minute! I can barely do that myself!!
My little boy is such a trooper. I think his doctor appointments are more traumatic for me than for him.
Monday, August 04, 2008
I think I officially started nesting on Friday -- I got down on my hands & knees & hand-scrubbed our kitchen floor. I've been having strong urges to do stuff around the house all weekend (though due to other interferences, wasn't able to). Last night I had an anxiety attack because my mind started reeling with all of the things that need to be done before the baby is born & I kept Jason awake for an extra half hour talking about it:
- Steam clean the carpets
- Organize all the closets
- Scrub the fridge & cabinets (which I will tackle today)
- Dry clean the futon cover
- Scrub the bathroom from ceiling to floor
- Wash the few baby outfits we already have so that I can pack our hospital bag
- Pack our hospital bag
- Pack Solomon's bag for Uncle Jon & Aunt Molly's
- Take a few family photos while I'm still pregnant (per a family member's requests)
I'm also panicking about this upcoming weekend. We're taking Solomon to Sea World on Friday for his birthday & I'm concerned about all of the walking I'll be doing. My OB/GYN said it's OK as long as I'm comfortable with it. I don't think it'll cause me to go into early labor (how crappy would that be for her to not only come too early but be born on Solomon's birthday??) but I know that I'm going to be in a lot of pain the following days, just as I was after we went to the OC Fair. Then Sunday is Solomon's birthday party. Really it's a party for us -- there won't be any other children there & Solomon won't really care about what's going on. He's just going to want to play with the 2 dogs in the house & eat his Nemo cake.
Sigh!! So much to do, so little time.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Solomon absolutely loves to jump on the couch. Though he's hurt himself plenty of times doing so, it doesn't deter him. We've tried several approaches to get him to stop but all have been less than successful: talking plainly & calmly, yelling, spanking, ignoring, timeout. Nothing works on this kid. Jason told me Solomon was jumping on the couch again last night & Jason told him to stop because it was bad. Solomon proceeded to grab his brush & smack his own bottom with it, saying, "Bad!" to himself! I hate disciplining - it makes me sad - so if Solomon will spank himself, by all means, go ahead child. Maybe he'll listen to himself better than he listens to us...
I'm so excited about moving away from CA that I'm already counting down! I'm not sure of the exact day we will leave, but Jason graduates in early/mid June so we will be moving within a week or two after that. We'll be gone before June ends. YAY!! Assuming June 30th as the last day, we have 334 more days to go; 47 1/2 more weeks. I know I sound a little crazy, but you have to understand: I've been homesick for FOUR FREAKING YEARS STRAIGHT ALREADY. I miss my family. I miss Maria. I miss seasons. I miss the scenery. Of course I will miss things here when I leave, but it pales in comparison to my homesickness. The only things in CA I will miss when we leave are our church (we'll never find another like it :( ) & a small number of people I can count on one hand: Jon & Molly, Trevin, & Dave (I will miss others too, but it will actually be painful to leave these folks behind).
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
I had my 34 week checkup today with my OB/GYN. I told her about the nonstop crying, overeating, feeling miserable, etc. & she immediately became very solemn & said I should be on medication. She told me that I'm at risk for postpartum depression (I'm clearly suffering from some type of pregnancy-induced depression now) & once the placenta is delivered & my hormones plummet, it will only get worse. She gave me a prescription for Zoloft in low doses & said that I should be feeling significantly better the next time she sees me in 2 weeks. As I expected would happen, upon telling Jason he was very skeptical of the diagnosis or that the medicine would help me (based on his own experiences with antidepressants). It's really frustrating because I feel like he thinks I'm exaggerating my symptoms; I feel very alone in this & that I'm not getting his support. I know that compassion & empathy are not his gifts but his attitude about it certainly isn't helping my situation. Hopefully the medicine will balance me out so that I can be a better wife & mother soon.
(And, yes, Maria, I will acknowledge that you've told me more than once to join a mom's group because that will provide a lot of support for me & fun for Solomon. I'm not going to rush to do that now but will definitely check some out after the baby is born.)
Monday, July 21, 2008
#1: We went to the OC fair yesterday. It was a lot of fun - especially since Solomon was big enough to ride some of the attractions! The food was amazing as well. I ate a beef brisket sandwich, a smoked turkey leg, Dippin' Dots (caramel brownie!) & funnel cake. Jason & I split most of it, of course, although I'm sure I wouldn't have had much trouble finishing it all myself :) The day we go to the fair is one of the few days of the year I'm permitted to be a glutton so I definitely take advantage!
#2: I'm tired of being pregnant now. I love being pregnant, but because of all the stress I've been under this pregnancy I haven't been able to enjoy it. Only 6 more weeks (but I think she's going to come sooner)!
#3: I'm mad at God right now. Last week we found out that my mother-in-law's cancer has apparently spread to her liver now. They decided against a biopsy as it is too risky. Jewel doesn't want to do chemo (which I don't entirely understand her reasoning) but she's going to apply at the NCI to see if she's a good candidate for any of their programs. I feel like God is snuffing out our entire family pretty rapidly. I guess we can't say for sure if Jewel's cancer is necessarily a death sentence but it's still unnerving; especially not knowing exactly what the cancer is & the best method of treatment. At this point we're just playing the waiting game.
Friday, July 18, 2008
I have been beyond crazy this pregnancy as my mental stability has taken a serious plunge. I cry almost everyday, usually over dumb, insignificant things, I yell a lot, & I just constantly feel miserable. I don't feel miserable about the pregnancy (though at this point I am certainly ready for it to be over), but I guess my hormones are all out of whack because of it. I cried this morning because Jason said I was yelling at Solomon too much, so I felt like a bad mom. (Actually, I feel like a bad mom a lot because sometimes I don't even like being a mom. Does that make me evil??) Then he added that I've been yelling at him more too & that made me feel worse.
Later this afternoon I tried to take Solomon outside to play in his pool because he hasn't played in it in a couple of weeks. Well, he lost interest about 5 minutes in & started running away. I had a hard time catching him, but when I did I made him go back inside the house. Then I cried over that because I wanted him to have fun in his pool but I was sad because he wasn't listening to me. That episode had me crying for about an hour; heck, just typing it out is making me cry right now!
When Jason came home this evening we got into an argument & he told me it's OK that I feel the way I do but I can't act the way I've been acting -- INSANE. Yep. Cried some more.
All of this was just today!
Please pray that God intervenes because I think I'm going to go jump off a bridge now.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Tonight Solomon & I went to a friend's birthday dinner at BJ's Brewhouse (I love their food! But it pales in comparison to Claim Jumper...). I had to use the restroom & when I walked in there were 2 little girls, sisters I think. I started walking into the first stall when the oldest stopped me & said, "Excuse me, ma'am, but that's a kid's toilet. You have to use the bigger one down there for grown-ups," & pointed to the handicap stall. "Oh!" I said as I clearly should've known that, "OK," & went to use the handicap stall to take care of my business.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
My friend Dave introduced me to this awesome website, failblog.org, today. There are countless pictures & videos that will entertain for hours! Here are a couple of my faves of the ones I've viewed so far:
see more pwn and owned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures
There's also a video called "Elephant Handler Fail" but I can't figure out how to link it from failblog's site. (Danielle, please don't watch that video. You throw up too easily...)
Monday, July 14, 2008
Just something I often wonder:
Certain commercials, namely lawyers & insurance companies, are completely in English. Then at the end of the commercial they say, "Se habla español." How does the Spanish speaking person, who doesn't know English, know what the commercial is for? Do they have to call & ask for a Spanish speaking rep, who they then ask what the organization does? If so, I bet 9 times out of 10 the call turns out to be a waste of the Latino's time, since they need neither a lawyer or insurance, or a lawyer for insurance fraud.
Friday, July 11, 2008
It is well known that Danielle has the craziest dreams for which we all make fun of her. I still don't think my dream last night was as weird as her's usually are, but it was pretty strange.
It started when Jason asked me to go to his Jujitsu class with him (& no, I wasn't pregnant in the dream - though that would've made things even more interesting, I'm sure). We were at this gym-type building, out on a back patio bordering a cliff to these wild waterfalls. While we were jujitsu-ing, Pat Sajak was hosting a game of Wheel of Fortune right next to us & the wheel was made of some bouncy, rubber material & painted in primary colors. Mr. Sajak was wearing a navy blue suit but didn't have any shoes on & his feet were orangy tan with pearly pink nail polish on his toes.
Here, the details get a bit hazy, but somehow we ended up in this room on the Black Pearl with tables, chairs & a blackboard - like elementary school. Pat Sajak was teaching the class & he was being super nice (he's rumored to be somewhat of a jackass in real life, but since I've never met him I'm in no position to judge). Then Johnny Depp, in the form of Captain Jack Sparrow, barged in & disrupted the class as we were apparently under attack by another pirate ship.
Some more stuff happened after that, but I can't really remember. I would blame this on watching too much TV, but since Elmo, Nemo, & VeggieTales were absent from the dream, I'm guessing that is not the case.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
When we moved here 4 years ago we adopted 2 cats, Gabe & Lucy. It was wonderful until we had a baby 2 years later. Then suddenly the fur started bothering me, Lucy started annoying me (she's an attention whore so she doesn't leave me alone; she sleeps on my head if we let her in our room at night), & the litter pans became unbearable. Now that we are moving in less than a year & have another baby due in 8 weeks, we are desperately trying to find new homes for them. We really don't want to take them back to a shelter so I've posted ads on craigslist.org, our church's online classifieds page as well as fliers in our housing area. Gabe & Lucy are already really old for cats (14 & 13 years old) & I know most people prefer younger cats so I don't have high hopes in finding them new homes. I keep trying to come to terms with the fact that we won't have any other choice than taking them to a shelter, which makes me cry about once a week.
Then last night Jason decided that we need to keep them; we made a commitment when we adopted them & we must stick to it. The problem is, we can't keep them when we move. We will be moving in with my parents temporarily until we find a home of our own & my mom is deathly allergic to cats. Even when we do have our own house, we still can't really have cats because then my mom would never be able to come over! I like my mom slightly more than I like my cats so, as heartbreaking as it is, the decision is simple for me -- it's off to the shelter with them.
Is it wrong of me to ask God to take care of them for me? I mean, they are old & not in the best of health - Gabe's obese & Lucy vomits chronically. Natural causes would make everything so much easier...
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
I've had plenty to blog about lately, but either too busy or too tired to write stuff. What better way to break my blogging fast than to talk about poo? Solomon has recently taken to advising us he's poopy by way of sticking his fingers in his diaper & coming to show us "yuckies." It's quite gross, to say the least. I know he's so close to potty training now, but with the new baby on the way in a mere 10 weeks, I really feel we should wait until after the dust settles from her arrival as I'm afraid he'll regress.
All this talk about poo reminds me of this book we bought our friend Dave for his birthday last year. I appreciate that he keeps it on the back of his toilet. If you ever come across it, buy it. It's totally worth it. I promise.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
I was summoned for jury duty for which I reported to the court house today. The day consisted of sitting in the same blue chair (at least it was cushioned) & in between the same two people the entire time. Finally, at about 2:30 they called a list of people & said they had to report for trial. The rest of us were dismissed a half hour later. This was quite possibly one of the most boring, wasted days of my life, but at least it got me out of the house for the day.
When I was cooking dinner tonight, Solomon started playing with the knobs on the stove. He tries to turn them often, but hasn't been able to figure out that he has to push them in then turn them. That is, until tonight. I kept pushing his hands away & telling him "no, that's hot," but anyone who knows anything about toddlers knows they are the most determined of creatures. The mac 'n cheese turned out okay, but when I went to pull the main course out of the oven, I discovered that Solomon had cranked it all the way up to above 500, almost to broil. The sad beef patties were nice & crunchy on the bottom & had shrunk to a quarter of their normal size. At least the potatoes, carrots, & onions turned out perfect. Guess this means we have to childproof our stove now.