"...and our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace."
Psalm 144:12

When thinking of my ideal family composition, I pictured, in this order, three boys & then maybe one girl. I desperately wanted this baby to be another boy in the beginning for several, seemingly logical, reasons. 1) we already have all boy stuff & our place is too little to add girl stuff; I wanted to recycle what is already available. When we move into a bigger place, adding girl stuff won't be as much of an issue. 2) I feel that it is better for brothers to be closer in age instead of a brother & sister. 3) Jason & I have a difficult time agreeing on girl names, but not so much on boy names. Either way, none of this matters now as God apparently has a different ideal for my family composition.

When we learned that our next child was a girl, I was happy, but I didn't shout, "woo-hoo!" & cry like I did when we found out Solomon was a boy. I felt a little guilty for not reveling in the thought of having a daughter. I mean, yeah, I'll get to dress her up for Easter & such, but I just can't get too excited beyond that.

Why do I feel this way?

God so graciously answered this question recently by revealing my heart to me in unmistakable ways. It turns out, I feel less adequate to mother a daughter than a son. I will be the primary example for my daughter, responsible for modeling what a godly woman should look like. I kinda suck at that. It terrifies me more than anything I've ever done before. I don't feel ready for this & I'm fairly certain I will fail. I know how awful I was to my parents growing up, so I'm already dreading the teenage years. On the other hand, maybe having a daughter will inspire me to be a stronger woman of God...

God not only exposed my feelings of inadequacy, but He sparked a deep desire within me to show her what God originally intended for us, His daughters. This world forces its definition of beauty in our faces every day & Satan uses it to whisper lies in our ears that we have to be thin, have flawless skin, big boobs, straight & blindingly white teeth, be wrinkle-free, etc. The Evil One convinces us that we are not beautiful, & in fact, are worthless if we don't meet the standard of beauty the world has set. I do not want my daughter to buy into these false notions & am determined for her to realize her significance in Christ alone. I want her to be free from the chains the world attempts to bind us with. I want her to feel delighted in & loved. She will be "like a pillar carved to adorn a palace."