Joshua Alan Martin
12.18.84-11.29.06

In the wee hours of that Wednesday morning, a year ago on November 29th, my dad & my brother Charles called me. "We just wanted to let you know that the hospital called & told us that the family should hurry & go up there," says my dad. I asked if I should get on the next plane out & he said not yet, Josh could be fine, so try to go back to sleep. He just wanted to let me know.

Of course, I couldn't sleep.

Soon, another call from my dad, "They don't think he's going to make it through the next 24 hours. You should come now."

What??

Josh was diagnosed with a rare bone cancer, Ewing Sarcoma, about a year & a half earlier. At the time, the prognosis was good & we all thought he'd get through this & move on to live a normal, healthy life. Even Josh himself was very optimistic about the future; so much so that he proposed to his girlfriend, Michelle, on the Christmas Eve after he was diagnosed. We couldn't have been more mistaken. The following spring, we learned it had spread to his lungs & his health steadily declined over the next six months. You would think that the news would somehow be less devastating since the day approaches expectantly. This, however, is not the case.

I went into a frenzy & started packing a suitcase for Solomon & me to take the next flight out of the OC. Jason tried to calm me & said, "Just calm down, we don't know that he's going to die. We should just wait & see." I was very adamant about leaving immediately though. I needed to be there with my brother & my family.

Only a matter of minutes after I finished packing, about 4:20am, I heard the phone upstairs ring. My heart sank. I knew that sound was leading me into a conversation I didn't want to have. I answered & Jeremy's sobbing voice on the other end said, "He's gone." I dropped to my knees & began crying too.

I called Maria immediately & shared the news with her first. She did live with my family for 2 1/2 years, so Josh was much like a brother to her as well. I waited until 5 or so to call my boss. I still had to leave a message, it was so early.

We finally arrived at my parents house well after 9pm that night. It was so weird to be in the basement, in Josh's room, knowing that he'll never walk down those stairs again. The only thought that kept ringing in my head was that now I have to tell people I only have two brothers. God, I have a serious problem with that. How could You do this to me?

We had two funerals for Josh, one in MD & the second in IN, where his ashes remained. So many people loved him (even though he could be the biggest brat sometimes). There were so many people at the funeral in MD that there weren't enough chairs!

We decided to stick to our original vacation plans & still went to FL for a week, as that is what Josh would've wanted. Actually, even when he was admitted into the hospital a couple of days before he died, he was determined to go to FL for our vacation. It felt so weird being on vacation without him.

It was sort of a mixed blessing for me that we lived in Cali through the whole ordeal. It displaced me from the reality of my brother's illness so I didn't have to face it day in & day out as my family did. On the other hand, I was miserable that I couldn't be there with & for Josh & my family, to share in the pain.

I have a great Hope though, & am confident that Josh has only begun to really live. I look forward to our next meeting in forever.