Seek Week, Thursday

I expected my week to get better as the days passed, but unfortunately it has just gotten crappier. I've had a really shitty day & I do not feel like doing this tonight. Spent some time venting to God about everything, & even blaming Him for some of it. Right now I don't feel my heart is any closer to being prepared for this weekend than it was a week ago.

Pressin' on.

READ
Mark 14:12-72

REFLECT
On the night that has come to be known as the Last Supper, Jesus extends an invitation to those present to participate in a story. What is this story? It's the story of death & resurrection. Jesus breaks the bread & shares the wine with his disciples symbolizing the breaking of His body & the pouring out of His blood for the healing of the world. With this act, Jesus' words, "Come follow me" just took on an entirely new & profound meaning.

The invitation to participate in this story begins with us dying. This is a concrete ego-death where we let go of our old self, & trust in this new resurrected life in Christ. All of us want to experience the freedom that comes in this new life but we are not first trusting in the death of the old life. But it is only when we first trust in the death that we are able to experience this radical re-orientation of our entire being in Christ.

PRAY
Consider what ways your old self is still present in your life. As these ways are revealed, acknowledge them. Ask God for peace to know these things don't define you. And ask Him for strength to move past them.

Hmm. My old self is still present in my life in almost every way. At least it affects me in almost every way. I cannot rid myself of this horrible anger. I've BEEN acknowledging my anger issue for so very long & have begged the LORD to heal me in this area, yet it continues to debilitate me & ruin my life. Unfortunately, my anger DOES define me & I since I've been struggling with it nonstop, I in turn struggle to trust that the LORD will heal me.