Seek Week, Wednesday

Today was not a good day for me. While I did steer clear of Twitter & FB, I let the t.v. run alllll daaaaay loooong. I have also been incredibly cranky & thus, incredibly impatient with Solomon. Poor kid. It's sad he got stuck with me as his mom. (I have a good reason to be cranky today -- in addition to Charlotte's nightly feedings, Solomon woke up around 2am & didn't go back to sleep until after 4. So, yeah. I'm tired.) I suck.

Seek Week....

READ
Mark 14:1-11

REFLECT
Jesus overhears some of those at Simon the Lepers' house rebuking the woman harshly for anointing Jesus' feet with an expensive perfume. Jesus tells them to "leave her alone. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial." Burial? Can you imagine what some of Jesus' disciples & those in attendance are thinking? "You're going to die soon? We thought you were going to help us overthrow Rome & now you're talking about your coming burial?"

This moment was the tipping point for one of the disciples.... Judas.

Verse 10 says, "Then Judas Iscariot, one of the twelve, went to the chief priests to betray Jesus to them." When Judas sees the way Jesus interacts with this woman, he realizes his expectations of the Kingdom of God are far off from reality. He feels betrayed. He feels frustrated. And he's had enough. It's at this moment that Judas glimpses where this week is going to take Jesus & what this will mean for Christ's disciples. It will not be a life of luxury, but of death. So Judas opts out by heading to the chief priests & creating an alliance that in his mind will, unlike the Kingdom of God, protect & provide for him.

PRAY
Do you believe the way of Jesus is really the best way to live? Ask God if there are ways you have taken measures into your own hands to ensure you are protected & provided for. Ask God for a trust that will allow Him to show up on His terms.

After contemplating & praying on this for a bit, no instances are coming to mind in which I tried to protect myself rather than trusting God to do that for me. I'm sure there have been plenty of times but I can't really remember anything specific. Even after losing my incredibly well paying job, knowing it would be near impossible to find a new one in my condition (pregnant), I never stopped trusting that God would provide for us. And He has been, unceasingly, in various ways. For instance, we didn't have to buy diapers for Charlotte out of pocket until she was more than 6 months old.

But on the other hand....

The American lifestyle is exactly that: self-reliance. "Look out for #1!" And I am not immune to it. We are self-made people & proud of it. I don't worry about where my next meal is going to come from, or if I'm going to die from a preventable &/or treatable disease, or if my kids will be stolen from me & forced to join a rebel army. Maybe I can't think of specific instances where I tried to be my own provider/protector, but I probably do this in little ways everyday unknowingly. Because that's what middle-class Americans do.

After writing out these thoughts, I am reminded of a video I recently watched. Francis Chan is a pastor in Simi Valley, CA & has spoken at our church once or twice before (& he is amazing!).



To be honest, I am afraid to pray this prayer. It's scary to depend solely on someone else, even when that someone else is God. There are areas in my life where I certainly trust Him, but complete control over everything.... not so much. Well, I guess God has now given me the answers to the above questions.