Civil Duties & Chef Solomon

I was summoned for jury duty for which I reported to the court house today. The day consisted of sitting in the same blue chair (at least it was cushioned) & in between the same two people the entire time. Finally, at about 2:30 they called a list of people & said they had to report for trial. The rest of us were dismissed a half hour later. This was quite possibly one of the most boring, wasted days of my life, but at least it got me out of the house for the day.

When I was cooking dinner tonight, Solomon started playing with the knobs on the stove. He tries to turn them often, but hasn't been able to figure out that he has to push them in then turn them. That is, until tonight. I kept pushing his hands away & telling him "no, that's hot," but anyone who knows anything about toddlers knows they are the most determined of creatures. The mac 'n cheese turned out okay, but when I went to pull the main course out of the oven, I discovered that Solomon had cranked it all the way up to above 500, almost to broil. The sad beef patties were nice & crunchy on the bottom & had shrunk to a quarter of their normal size. At least the potatoes, carrots, & onions turned out perfect. Guess this means we have to childproof our stove now.

I Think I May Very Well Run Away From Home

Jason's tonsillectomy was this past Friday so I've been doing everything myself since then.  I normally do most household things myself anyway (since I've been jobless), but Jason is always available to entertain Solomon if I'm cooking dinner or washing dishes.  Not to mention that Jason is waaay better at entertaining Solomon than I am; our kid definitely has a strong preference for this father.  Since Jason's surgery, Solomon has been a royal pain in the rear the majority of the time.  His tantrums have increased in frequency & intensity - he knows daddy is upstairs in bed, so all he wants is to be in our bed, jumping on daddy.

This afternoon Jason asked me to take Solomon out of the house for a while as the boy wouldn't stop screaming & running crazy, so we went to the Spectrum (a nice outdoor mall).  Solomon did okay at first, until we stopped at Johnny Rocket's for dinner.  I was rearranging the seats at our table so I could put Solomon in a highchair when all of a sudden the whole stroller flipped backward!  Solomon was pushing off the table with his foot until he knocked himself over!  I was so embarrassed!!  It was a little funny though, so I couldn't help but laugh too.  Anyway, another father had to come help me because I couldn't get the damn thing back upright.  Then Solomon decided he didn't want to sit in the highchair & started flailing about when I tried to put him in it.  I then gave him a few cookies, hoping it would calm him down until we could get some fries or something, but he just threw them.  He did eat a couple, but not until he was finished practicing his curveball.  We waited for more than 10 minutes for a server & I decided I couldn't wait any longer with a wailing, thrashing toddler on my hands.  We headed back home & went through a Taco Bell drive-thru instead.

I cried most of the way home because my kid often manages to make me feel like I'm not cutout to be a mom.  Somehow, I still love him more than anything else God has ever given me.  I'm insane to want to do this a thousand times over.

What Happens in Vegas

I had an awesome week in Vegas!  Saturday we went out on my uncle's boat on the lake; the water was too cold to actually get in but we did get to see some mountain sheep come down to drink the water when we stopped for lunch on a beach.  We didn't do much for Mother's Day.  Jason took me to the restaurant at Texas Station I wanted to go to & just as we were finishing up my uncle walked in, sat at our table, & took our bill (he uses his comp points to treat everyone to meals all the time).  On Monday my cousin, Jarrod, & I went to see Stomp Out Loud (sorry, the video quality is crappy as someone obviously recorded it with a hand-held or something, which they weren't supposed to do) - definitely one of the most entertaining shows I've ever been to.  I've seen it on t.v. before, but it's a completely different experience in person.  I wish I was a badass percussionist like that.

As for the gambling, Jason, I believe, broke even (that's considered a very good thing when you leave Vegas as it is a rarity).  I was down about $60 for the week & then my dad & I played some slot machines & roulette on Thursday.  I won about $90 playing slots then lost $20 because I couldn't stop playing.  Tables intimidate me so I just watched my dad play roulette for a while before I decided to join in.  I started with $50 & by the time I walked away I had nearly tripled my money.  The two times I played my & Jason's anniversary, 25, it hit both times!  The second time it hit, I hit the actual number, that column, red, & odd all at the same time.  My dad made me buy dinner that night.

It was a good week in Vegas.

In Between

Sometimes my love for Jesus is so overwhelming it actually makes me giddy - to the point I want to shout it from the rooftops.

Give me about 3 seconds, though, & I will quickly call someone an AF on the road.

Does this ring true for anyone else, or is it just me?

I'm kinda pissed right now.  On my first paper, I got a high B (87.5, to be exact), which I was fine with.  I knew when I turned it in that it wasn't my best work & I really struggled with transition statements, thus my work didn't flow too well.  I just got my second paper back & I got a freakin' 78!  What the hell??  I worked so much harder on that paper & knew the quality was better than my first, but somehow I scored a whole letter grade lower??  What's even more aggravating is that the instructor didn't add any comments to my paper, so I got a C with no explanation.  I emailed her & asked that she resend it with comments.  It's a good thing she isn't being graded on her stupid writing skills!  You should see the syllabus - it's a grammatical & punctuational mess.

Yep.  Still not working...

(He's saying "Oh no!" in this photo.  I think that's important to note as it makes the picture cuter.)

Top 10 Reasons I Procrastinate:
#1................................
(I'm really not that witty - I got the title from an awesome shirt I saw on randomshirts.com's website.)

I'm supposed to be working on my paper for class right now & intended that it be completed today as well. As you can see, that isn't happening. Somehow, I'm managing to find any little distraction that will keep me from the task at hand. It's due Sunday by 11:59pm EST (which is funny, because Vanguard University is no more than a 15 minute drive from my house, yet their server is on the east coast. Thus, the local students lose 3 hours a day. How does that even make sense?). I turned in a paper last week less than 20 minutes before it was due. I thought that with age, my study habits would've improved. Not so much. (In my defense regarding last week, though, my in-laws were here so I didn't have much quiet time to utilize for schoolwork.)

Maybe I'll just take Relient K's advice & take calligraphy & make a fake degree.

"...and our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace."
Psalm 144:12

When thinking of my ideal family composition, I pictured, in this order, three boys & then maybe one girl. I desperately wanted this baby to be another boy in the beginning for several, seemingly logical, reasons. 1) we already have all boy stuff & our place is too little to add girl stuff; I wanted to recycle what is already available. When we move into a bigger place, adding girl stuff won't be as much of an issue. 2) I feel that it is better for brothers to be closer in age instead of a brother & sister. 3) Jason & I have a difficult time agreeing on girl names, but not so much on boy names. Either way, none of this matters now as God apparently has a different ideal for my family composition.

When we learned that our next child was a girl, I was happy, but I didn't shout, "woo-hoo!" & cry like I did when we found out Solomon was a boy. I felt a little guilty for not reveling in the thought of having a daughter. I mean, yeah, I'll get to dress her up for Easter & such, but I just can't get too excited beyond that.

Why do I feel this way?

God so graciously answered this question recently by revealing my heart to me in unmistakable ways. It turns out, I feel less adequate to mother a daughter than a son. I will be the primary example for my daughter, responsible for modeling what a godly woman should look like. I kinda suck at that. It terrifies me more than anything I've ever done before. I don't feel ready for this & I'm fairly certain I will fail. I know how awful I was to my parents growing up, so I'm already dreading the teenage years. On the other hand, maybe having a daughter will inspire me to be a stronger woman of God...

God not only exposed my feelings of inadequacy, but He sparked a deep desire within me to show her what God originally intended for us, His daughters. This world forces its definition of beauty in our faces every day & Satan uses it to whisper lies in our ears that we have to be thin, have flawless skin, big boobs, straight & blindingly white teeth, be wrinkle-free, etc. The Evil One convinces us that we are not beautiful, & in fact, are worthless if we don't meet the standard of beauty the world has set. I do not want my daughter to buy into these false notions & am determined for her to realize her significance in Christ alone. I want her to be free from the chains the world attempts to bind us with. I want her to feel delighted in & loved. She will be "like a pillar carved to adorn a palace."

In-laws are in town.  I want to shoot myself.

I just took my first quiz for my online class; I got a perfect score! :)  Maybe this class won't be so difficult after all.

Our Baby Girl

In Over My Head

I signed up for an online class at Vanguard University to complete the 12 Early Childhood Education (ECE) units required to teach preschool in CA (I only had half when we moved from MD).  It's 5 weeks & very demanding - I'm definitely in over my head.  I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety over this class because it's been years since I've had to write papers & such.  I'm dreading the next 5 weeks.

For "class discussions" we have to post responses to questions from the instructor & comment/build off of other students' postings.  Well, tonight I spent about 3 hours working on my stupid post & upon completion, I hit "preview."  The effing thing kicked me out & I hadn't saved a draft.  I have to start all over from scratch.  I'm pissed not only because my work is gone forever, but also because I spent THREE HOURS working on a simple post!  "Class discussions" should not be so demanding!  I stared crying, nay, SOBBING, & my oh-so empathetic husband says, "Amanda, calm down.  There's nothing you can do about it now.  I've told you before to do your work in Word & save often.  I've done that before & you just have to redo it."  Not exactly what I need to hear when I'm in the middle of a serious emotion/mental meltdown.

I love this piece by Dane Cook, but beware, it contains excessive amounts of colorful language...

Muzak for the Soul

(Sorry, I couldn't think of a better title...)

Lately I've been asking myself why I don't listen to secular music.  I remember why I started listening strictly to Christian music 8 years ago.  It was a pivotal moment in my life when the LORD was calling me out of all the crap I abandoned Him for (you know - sex, drugs, & rock n', er, techno, in my case) a couple years earlier.  All the secular music I was listening to at the time was a tangible reminder of what I had done to God when I turned my back on Him.  I don't think the music is inherently bad or evil, nor do I hold judgment against people who listen to secular music.  This was simply a personal choice in response to what God was doing in my life.  Eight years later though, I feel a little out of the loop in the music world.  Jason & I listen to a wide variety of music - praise/worship, rock, hardcore, indie, rap - but it all pretty much worships the LORD in one way or another.  There are a lot of awesome Christian artists out there, but generally speaking, the Christian music industry is infamous for producing the cheesiest of songs.  The pickin's are slim for real, good Christian music.  Secular music doesn't bother me, but personally, I'd rather stick with music I am certain is God-honoring.  It's what I most enjoy.

Happy Resurrection Day!

So I didn't do anything to prepare my heart for Easter this year.  I wish that I had because today just felt like any other day, only we had church outside at the amphitheater, in 90 degree weather and direct sunlight.  But today isn't just any other day.  Today we remember that Christ conquered Death.  Why doesn't that thought stir up passion deep within my soul?  I guess that Truth should stir up passion in a person no matter what day it is.  We should remember Christ's victory daily.  My life should be a continuous celebration of the LORD's sacrifice...  I think I will try to work on that.

I love this song.

Sweetly Broken
Jeremy Riddle

To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing

For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified

You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

Fourteen Weeks & Nothing to Show For

Today marks the beginning of my 14th week of pregnancy & I am not showing. I thought for sure I would be by now since this is my second child. I don't even look the slightest bit pudgy in the midsection.

That disappoints me.

It's pretty sweet when a famous worship leader comes to your church to lead worship (again). Woo-hoo! Free concert!!

One Letter Too Many

Today I was browsing for an e-card for a friend's birthday. I was trying to go to Dayspring's website, a Christian company, but had typed daysprings.com by mistake...

It took me to a list of porn sites.

Solomon gettin' down to Nelly